Help in this essay! Plese, someone correct to me?

[Mochad]

hahaha I liked the last sentence... you are welcome again Nayara!
Is it true that your name is derived from a Spanish city where the Virgin Mary appeared?

[Nayara]

I don't think.
As far as I know, my name is indigenous.

Where are you from?

[Nayara]

If you aren't very busy, can you correct more these essays to me?

http://www.english-test.net/forum/ftopic85883.html#can_someone_rate_my_writing_im_trying_to_toefl_test

http://www.english-test.net/forum/ftopic85882.html#hi_everyone_can_someone_correct_my_essay_im_trying_to_the_toelf

Thank you!