 #2 (permalink) Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:13 am Re: TOEFL How is your generation different from your parents´ generation? |
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Hi, you have written a wonderful essay. I could only find a few errors. Your thesis statement could be improved. Please see my suggestions below.
| Marco01 wrote: |
Topic: Every generation of people is different in important ways. How is your generation different from your parents´ generation? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
There is no doubt that every generation is different in many ways from the old {"older" , or even better, "previous" would sound better here}ones. The gap between my generation and that of my parents is vast due to the effects of technological advancement and globalization. Every generation has different values, goals and lifestyle. I am going to explain some differences that I think must be considered. {In the thesis statement, try to include a brief description of the differences you will cover}
Firstly, the people{"members" would sound better here} of my generation spend more free time in different ways than my parents´generation. In the earlier generation they used to have time to get involved in recreational activities, like playing sports, talking to friends or going to a park. Nowadays my generation spend[s ] a lot of time in front of the computer or watching TV, and they do not like doing activities that my parents´generation used to do.
Secondly, our lifestyle has changed considerably. In the past, my parents used to visit their relatives and they used to make their own food. The present generation live[s ] in a hurry, we usually eat in fast food restaurants and we work long hours a day.
In addition, the goals of people have changed. For example, [in the past, ]women in general wanted to build a family and have time to stay with their children in the past. In contrast, women,{no comma} in my generation, not only have a famil[ies] but also work long hours and have professional goals.
Finally, the present generation is more familiar with the modern technology than my parents´ generation. The advancement of technology has emphasized the differences between generations and can be considered the main reason for this changes[change]. For instance, we can send an email, buy things or check the[our] bank account from our house. It saves money and time.
In conclusion, I think that both generations[' way of life] have advantages and disadvantages. I prefer some things from the earlier generation but I know that technological advancement has improved our life. Therefore, I can not decide which generation is better [off].
I am practising for the TOEFL, someone can score my essay? I will be very thankful!
TOEFL listening lectures: Why do Birds of Paradise have amazing plumages? |
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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