#2 (permalink) Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:56 am Re: Check it ... Thank you in advance!:) |
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Hi, I like your organization and is grammar is pretty good. Your introduction could be improved though.
| Tikofromgeorgia wrote: |
Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. I prefer to live in a big city for some reasons. First reason is that living in a big city gives you more chances to meet different people, second, in city your life is full of energy and variety and, finally, it gives you more perspectives to become successful. {This is ok for a thesis statement, but combine all these into one sentence. Then you need to add a couple more general sentences before this to complete your introduction. When you live in a big city, you meet hundreds of new people every day in shops, streets, buses, university, theatres and etc.[so on], so it allows you to have a lot of acquaintances with different interests and professions. In XXI[the 21st] century links are very important, so much[the more] people you know, [the] “richer” you are. Knowing a lot of people helps you to learn distinguishing them, so, at last, it gives you valuable life experience.{this sentence is unclear to me - surely people in the smallest of towns are also able to distinguish between different people?} In [a] small town there are much less, same people[fewer people, who are more similar to each other], so you do not have chance to meet someone new, who will bring some variety in[to] your routine life. Living in a big city gives you [the] opportunity to do different things [e]very day - go in[to] theatres, cinemas, museums, stadiums, zoos and the result is that your life is full of various exciting things. In villages and small towns , there are only [a] limited number of places, where you can spend you time with pleasure[your leisure time] and enjoy yourself. For example, my sister lives in a small town with 10 000 residents and there is only one cinema. My sister tells me that no one goes in[to] this cinema, because they show the same film during months[for months on end]. Finally, [a] big city gives you more chances to become successful. The most popular universities usually are located not in small towns, but in megapolices[megalopolises], so you can get [a] high quality education only in case if you live in a big city. And also, in big cities there are always more sources of information than in small towns. In conclusion, I prefer to live in a big city, because, to my point of view, life is more interesting there, full of new relationships and success perspectives[chances for success].
TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Natural History |
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Luschen I'm a Communicator ;-)

Joined: 08 Apr 2011 Posts: 2135 Location: Nashville TN, USA
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