 #2 (permalink) Mon Jan 30, 2012 3:10 am Re: Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you! |
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Hi, I didn't think your arguments were organized well. I couldn't tell exactly what your arguments were and there was a lot of repetition in your essay.
| Spartacus wrote: |
People learn in different ways. Some people learn by doing things; other people learn by reading about things; others learn by listening to people talk about things. Which of these methods of learning is best for you Use specific examples to support your choice.
People learn in different way[s ]. Some people learn by doing things, other people learn by reading about things, others learn by listening to people talk about things. {don't copy from the essay prompt!} In spite of the fact that, last two methods can be beneficial for learning but I prefer first method that is learning by doing things. Because it is more permanent than others. {rework into one sentence - "Learning by doing and learning by reading can both be valuable methods of gaining new information, but I prefer learning by doing because it works better and its lessons are more permanent.} I can't really figure out your two reasons from your body paragraphs - that is a problem}
First of all, if people want to learn something, they should do it.{This doesn't really sound like a reason to me - they should do it why?} For instance, when people learn riding[how to ride a] bicycle, they try to do it. Because people do not learn riding bicycle with[riding by] reading and listening [to] something. {this is not a complete sentence} Maybe they give an[take] advice about riding [a] bicycle but the best method is try riding so people can learn by doing things. Also, if people learn riding by doing [it] one time, they do not forget riding throughout their life’s[lives]. However, if people read something about riding bicycle and give[get] advices["advice" is always singular] from others, they can forget these advices[this advice]. Thus [they] learn[ing] by doing things is become a good method for learning. {this paragraph seemed to talk about two different ideas}
Moreover, people can gain lots of information about everything such as sports. But sometimes knowing lots of information about sports is not enough for playing good[well]. The most important thing in sports is experiences. People usually gain these experiences[this experience] with[by] doing sports. For instance sportsmen usually doing training therefore they can learn something about their branch[event] and they can gain more experience. However, reading and listening are not [more] valuable than doing training. Because doing something is permanent. Reading and listening can forget. {By doing something you learn it permanently, but by only reading or listening about it you may soon forget.} {this paragraph seemed like it only applied to sports - try to start off more general and then use sports as an example}
To sum up, people can learn by reading and listening but these are not the best learning methods. The most significant[beneficial] method of learning is using these[this] information so doing[to do] things. If people do something, it can be permanent. Because people can forget reading and listening however they never forget something that done.
TOEFL listening lectures: Which designer did not work at the Bauhaus? |
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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