 #2 (permalink) Sun Jan 29, 2012 23:38 pm Re: please check my essay: go abroad |
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Hi, your writing is pretty good, but I don't think your essay addressed the prompt correctly. You should agree or disagree with the statement "all college and university students would benefit from spending at least one semester studying in a foreign country" Instead, you seemed to be addressing "what are the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad". The preparations involved in studying abroad don't seem to be addressing the essay prompt. You should answer the prompt "yes" or "no" and choose your arguments to back up your choice.
| Wal615 wrote: |
All college and university students would benefit from spending at least one semester studying in a foreign country.
I agree [with] the statement that college students should study in a foreign country because it can bring benefit to them. the experiences getting["gotten" or better "received"] from [studying in] a foreign country can not only open our mind[s ] but also improve their[our] skills of learning. However, before we send our students to go abroad, we need to make sure that they are ready for that. {the last sentence of your introduction should be your thesis statement which states your main arguments and the primary reasons for it}
Firstly, there is no doubt that the students can benefit from the experience of studying in a foreign country whose culture and academic environment is different from the students’. These differences allow the students to broaden their eyes{"horizons" would be better} and learn more. For example, one of my friends who have learnt["has learned" or better "was educated"] in the USA told me that he was surprised by fact that almost every person owned a car and there was a kind of culture of cars in this country, which could not be found in China decades ago. so{capitalize} if he did not go[had not gone] abroad, he might never know[had known] and believe[d ] it. Besides that, the more important experience is that of learning. In a foreign college, students can find a way which is different from that in their [native] countries to learn, which may encourage to them open their minds to learn more quickly. for{cap} example, my friend learnt[learned] how to use the computer for calculating data and studied with a learning group, which can not [be] found in his own country. These skills and experiences allow[ed ] him to study effectively.
However, we should not just focus the benefit we get from this process, we need to consider to what we should pay. Both colleges and students have to make preparations for the process of studying in a foreign country. And that expending[expenditure] may not be afforded[affordable] to everyone. If the colleges and students do not make preparations, going abroad may become [a] nightmare for [the] students.
Before going abroad, the students need to acquire the ability to use the foreigner language, because it is the base[basis] of communication and study. But if you cannot get this{"do not have this" sounds better} ability, you may get little benefit from going aboard{spelling}. Say, a student who has not learnt[learned] how to speak but he/she goes to abroad, it may[find it] hard for him to study in the class because he could[can] not understand what teachers are saying. Besides that, the students have to make preparations to adapt [to] a different culture. If you cannot make yourself to adapt [to] it, you may also [not] get not much from the experience of studying abroad. For instance, if my friend fails to accept the life style in the USA, he may not have good relations with his roommates and then he may be isolated by{"isolated by them" or "ostracized from then"} them. this is likely to leads him to a bad spiritual condition.
In conclusion, only after when the students make preparations such as learning the language and culture, they can[can they] be benefit from going abroad.
TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of American History |
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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