please revise my essay

[Arsha_0o]

Technology has made our live easier, do you agree or disagree
Nowadays, technology promotes our lives in faster rate and brings us a lot of facilities and comforts. But, these advances in human beings’ lives are associated with some obstacles which are not deliberate attempts. Because of this, while some people think that modern technology brings us vast benefits, the others do not accept it and declare that they are disturbing our life. In my view each side has its own merits which should be considered when making a decision about the effect of technology on our lifestyle.
In the first place, despite any welfare which is existed in these modern days, huge amounts of pollution are created in the earth. Technology in transportation, for example, is resulted in the discharge of a great deal of carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide which are hazardous for people. Last year, statistics which were published in a health magazine in my country, indicated that more than 800 people die in each day in Tehran as a result of breathing problems. Moreover, nuclear power plants are other producers of contamination. In spite of producing electricity, they remain a numerous amounts of nuclear wastes which will be not separated in the next thousands years. Thus, Technology can definitely harm our lives.
On the other hand, progress in health fields, allow people to live longer than ever before. In past, people usually died because of every simple illness. But now, doctors can even heal individuals who deal with cancer diseases. In addition, contemporary technology makes it easier to go to distant places in less time. It also, brings people equipment to see every place or every person they want, with the broad internet technology. These facilities increase the sense of pleasure and welfare in everybody's life. Therefore, technology brilliantly affects our life in a positive way.
Taking everything into consideration, the advantages of technology outweigh the disadvantages. Health care coupled with lifestyle’s welfare are prominent impacts of technology which arise in modern days of life and play an important role on it. Finally, I hope that the future technology diminishes disadvantages and highlight the advantages more than ever.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Social History

[Arsha_0o]

Childhood is the happiest time of a person's life, do you agree or disagree
Every person's life is divided into several periods and each person enjoys from a specific duration of his or her time. That is why some people like their teenager time, while the others' preference is the middle age. But, in my view, childhood is the most excitement time of life because of the following reasons.
In the first place, children do not have prominent responsibilities. They are young and they do not have enough experience to get in charge of an occupation. By contrast, young men or women are got involved in essential works. They start by working in order to earn money for their life. Afterward, they get married, if they are men, they should provide welfare and relaxed life for their family and responsible for earning money. If they are women, they should deal with training and upbringing their babies and responsible for developing their talents. Thus, children not only have little intellectual occupations, but also have sufficient time to enjoy their lives.
In addition to the reason mentioned above, children spent their most of time for playing with their friends and family which improve their excitement and happiness. I remember that when I was a child, I often have fun with my neighbor’s children in the yard. But, Teenagers or older people should deal with their lessons, spend much time for researches and read vast source of papers and textbooks or deal with their projects in company with professors. On the other hand children usually go to parks, play with their mates for joy and talk excitedly.
Taking everything into consideration, children’s less responsibilities and occupation coupled with allocating most of their time to have fun, persuade individuals to choose this period of time as their happiest duration in the life. At the end, it is my hope that children enjoy their life without any consideration about mental or physical obstacles.

[Luschen]

Hi, you have written a pretty good essay. I am not exactly sure what your two points are - less responsibilities and more fun? I guess to me they overlap a lot, maybe you could make it more clear.

[Arsha_0o]

thanks a lot luschen.