Prepare for exam. Please check my essay! THANK YOU!

[Edward_Rolandohmygod]

Topic:

Air traffic is increasingly leading to more noise, pollution and airport construction. One reason for this is the growth in low-cost passenger flights, often to holiday destinations.

Some people say that governments should try to reduce air traffic by taxing it more heavily.

Do you agree/disagree?

The rise in the number of low-cost passenger flights is now one of the biggest causes of noise, pollution and has a great influence on airport construction. There are those who argue that it is necessary for authorities to increase the tax on air traffic. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with this idea because of several reasons, such as international interaction, giving more chances for the poor and reducing humans’ stress.

Firstly, despite claims that taxing air traffic more heavily is a good method to solve some troubles, it is a fact that the communication between countries in the entire world is definitely more important. For example, if governments attempt to make the quantity of flights decrease, which means the number of people going abroad will decline. Consequently, the interaction on the planet will be negatively affected, while it is extremely valuable nowadays.

Furthermore, though it is true that reducing the number of poor passengers could be feasible because they usually lack knowlegde and this is able to cause some problems, we should bear in mind that the authority must give them more opportunity to travel oversea. Indeed, a poor farmer in Vietnam has to work hard in his whole life to have money for only one vacation, so it will be unfair for him if the cost of flight is pushed up too high.

Finally, it cannot be denied that going on vacation helps people to release stress. Therefore, the growth of air traffic tax will limit the chance to have a comfortable holiday. This leads to our lives being more stressful.

In conclusion, although air traffic is one of the main reasons for some problems, it is still essential for a lot of individuals and countries. International communication, opportunity for poor passengers and limitting stress are three of many explanations why governments should not increase the flight tax.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture by a professor of Art

[Edward_Rolandohmygod]

Could someone help me, please? Thanks a lot.

[Luschen]

Hi, I think your essay was quite good. I like your organization. Your second paragraph was quite good, but I did not like your third paragraph too much. Your fourth paragraph had a good reason, but was not quite detailed enough. Please see my suggestions below.

[Edward_Rolandohmygod]

Hi Luschen, thank you very much for your help. I just wanna explain a little about the second idea that "why would poor passengers cause more problems than rich ones". Actually, it is based on my experience. In my country, poor people usually come from remote area and they lack education. When I travel by airplane, I am really harsh because of these people, they speak too loudly and do not keep silent. That is why I have this idea in my essay.

[Mofan522]

I agree with you that sometimes the people without big fortune tend to make more troubles. but if the government could provide them more mobility in life, they will be progressively educated by the experiences.I think that we should give more tolerance to this people , because may be it is the first time for them to travel with airplane. right! i love you essay , especially, your introduction ! it's clear and full with link words !

[Edward_Rolandohmygod]

Yes, man. You're absolutely right. That is why I wrote it as the concession and then made the main idea overweight it.

[IELTSbuddy]

I'd agree with the comments above and Luschens corrections.

You must make sure you know how to write complex sentences correctly as the examiner will look for this, and mistakes with these can make what you are saying confusing.

For example, these two things will stand out:

if governments attempt to make the quantity of flights decrease, which means the number of people going abroad will decline

Consequently, the interaction on the planet will be negatively affected, while it is extremely valuable nowadays.

Check how to write adverbial clauses ('if' and 'while' etc) and relative clauses (which, who etc).

But then again you have some very good complex sentences in your writing.

Also, as the other posters said about your comments about poor people - don't put things down without explaining them. Remember examiners aren't mind readers!

Fully explain all ideas you put in your essay (that is why sometimes fewer ideas are better than many as you need to explain them properly). Even if the examiner does not agree with your idea, they can't mark you down for that (everyone has their own opinion), but you can be marked down if the idea is not explained and is unclear.
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