 #2 (permalink) Thu Feb 02, 2012 15:13 pm Re: Another simulation: here it is my writing section |
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Another great job Mozzi. As you can tell, most of my comments are suggestions rather than corrections, as there are very few errors at all.
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Integrated task
The reading passage describes several reasons to contrast{do you mean "contest"?} smoking bans in public closed{ok, but "closed public" sounds better} areas. The professor, however, disputes these arguments.
To begin with, the professor points out that smokers can still smoke in every area where they do not harm others. This implies an increase of freedom for no[n-]smokers{some write this as all one word, some use a hyphen}, since they can visit many more venues without worrying for[about] the cleanliness of the air. This casts doubt on the point in the reading passage that a general erosion of personal freedoms is made with this policy.
The professor also claims that smoking bans do not negatively affect business owners. Even if in some cities some venues closes due to this policy, it is also true that new ones opens[open]. In fact, business owners are going to make more money with smoking bans, since their venues now attract more no[n]-smokers who are the majority of Americans, constituiting{sp} the 75% of the population.This would seem to cast doubt on the argument made in the reading passage that the economic positions of these businessmen are seriously damaged by smoking bans.
The reading passage also asserts that the statistics regarding the deaths caused by secondhand smoke are suspect, since it takes more than 20 years to develop a cancerous malignancy. The professor disputes this line of reasoning as well, pointing out that even if this it truth[is true], it does not support the thesis of eliminating the smoking bans: she does not think that the benefits of permitting the smoking in venues outweights[outweighs] the correlate["correlating" - but I think "corresponding" might be better] danger.
Distance learning and computer classes should replace classroom learning.
Distance learning is a recent system for colleges and universities to teach students from all over the world through online classes. Even if there are some benefits, since students from Europa[Europe] can follow American based lectures without moving away from their country, personally I prefer the traditional way of teaching through classroom learning.
To begin with, classroom learning is very important to socialize{"for socializing" is better here - although you would say "it is very important to socialize"} with other people. During every step of our personal education, beginning from the elementary school up to the university, we are surrounded by other students with whom we talk, play and study. I think that everyone agrees with the idea that this is crucial for the developing personality of a children or a teenager. However, in my opinion [it] is still important at an older age. If you only take online classes at the college, you probably end up making no new friends during your studies. This has a negative effect to[on] one's life, since you are not able to create a network of students who share the same passion of[for] your major fields.{ok, but "fields of study" sounds better}
In addition to the issue of socializing, I think that you can learn more with {ok, but "via" is a good word to use here instead} a classroom learning since you can always rely on the help of other students. This is especially true if you are pursuing some{"a" - don't use some when describing a singular thing} very tough degree, like a scientific one{ok, but "like one of the sciences" sounds better}. In this case, it is generally impossible to prepare [for] an exam without the help of the professor or other students. It is very common to study[when studying] something e to not understand some details, or to ask yourself some questions to expand or generalize a concept. If you are following computer lectures, you can contact the professor or other students involved in them. But it would be more difficult, since you can not{one word} generally have a physical contact with them. This exposes you to troubles such as connection line problems, or the difficulty of making clear your questions with some pictures that would be difficult to be clearly showed[show clearly] through a screen.
Finally, in combination with the socializing factor and the more effective help you can have with a physical contact, learning in classrooms is definitely more fun. Between some classes you can talk with other students, and the professor as well, about some [unrelated] university unrelated topics such as football, holidays, politics and so on. In an online classrooms this is quite impossible: students do not know every esle{"every one else's" - but "each other's" sounds better} passions or interests. They only share a lecture with the same professor, and once it is ended they are done. This can constitute a big issue for some students who, after a first[ok, but "an initial" is better] period of great self-motivation, can end up finding no more interest and being bored following lectures through a notebook every day.
In considering if it is better to learn with online classes or traditional ones, I explored issues such as the socialization between students; the help you can receive with a physical contact; and the more fun you can have. All these factors lead me to prefer classroom learning rather than distance learning.
TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students in their dormitory during registration week |
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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