check, please

[Yolchuyev]

Your city has decided to build a statue or monument to honor a famous
person in your country. Who would you choose? Use reasons and specific
examples to support your choice.
In every countries history there are some people who differ from other for their fame and sometimes people built monuments, statues, give their names to streets, etc. to honor those people. In our country also there are such people in different fields; politics, sports, literature, arts, etc. The most famouse one is in politics and there are monuments in all cities honoring him. So if our city want to built another monument I think it is better to honor a famouse person in sports, Tofik Bakhramov; a famouse football referee which made an important decision as liseman in 1966 world cup final game.
Firstly I think it would be good to develop sports, especially fotball in our country. That being good for health, as a business, especially as an international event sport is very important element in people's lives. For example during an international championship there will be many people from different countries and cultures and all those people gather in same places to watch games and at that time they make some new friends and develop both their own community and social integration in the world. So as that monument encourage people to do more sports consecuently it will also have a positive effect on people's lives.
Also because, football is very famouse in all over the world and that liseman's very important trace in fooball history our city could become more appealing for tourists. I think it would be very good to develop tourism in our region for increasing people's financial abilities, social communities, infrastructure, etc. All those means more modern and easy life for our city's people.
Eventually I think that if our city want built a monument or statue it should honor a famouse person in football; Tofik Bakhramov. Because, sport has many benfical points for every society and building of such a monument will encourage our people to pay more attantion on sports and become more healthy, wealthy and a part of our globalizing world.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students at their university cafeteria

[Luschen]

Hi, your writing was good and your subject was very unique. I think it might have been better to give a short description of what Bakhramov did and why he is famous (and how much he got paid by the English - ha, a little joke there). Also, watch out for your spelling errors.