is money the solution to most of the world’s problems. Please correct it.

[Scientist_A]

Some people say that money is the solution to most of the world’s problems. Others say that it is the cause of them. Who do you agree with?

Nowadays money plays a great role in our life. We cannot live in this world without money. Everywhere we need some amount money to do something. In every situation we are supposed to spend money. So many people think that money is the solution to most of the world’s problems. On the other hand, others think that money is the cause of these problems. I agree with the people who think that the money is the solution to our problems. I will explain my viewpoint about this topic with the following paragraphs.

First of all, I would like to emphasize that without money it is impossible to live in this world. We need to feed to live. So we need money to buy something to eat. If we do not have any money we will not able to buy something to eat. Thus, it will be the end of our life. That is why; money is the one of the most important element to continue our life. Moreover, the amount of money is also important. If we want to live comfortably and well, we will need a big amount of money. If we do not have enough money, we will not eat what we want and properly and we will not have a comfortable condition to live.

Furthermore, I would like to demonstrate that we encounter many problems in daily life. The solution of these problems is money. We need money to solve these problems and to feel happy. I think money is important for happiness, too. Generally, rich people are happier than the poor. The rich are happy because they can realize their ideas, achieve their wish and do anything they want by the help of their money. For example, to get good education, to take a trip, to buy a good house and others are the most common wishes of people and which require enough money to realize. Thus, rich people are happy.

To sum up, I would like to highlight that I strongly agree with this statement that money is the solution to most of the world’s problem. Without solving these problems it is very hard to live comfortably. So I believe that money should be spent in a right direction. If people can direct their money in a right way, they will be very happy during their life.

TOEFL listening discussions: How many types of IMA passes are available?

[Luschen]

Hi, your grammar is ok, but I don't think your essay addresses the topic correctly. You answered a question like "what can money do for a person?", while the essay asks "is money the solution to most of the world's problems?" I would expect an answer to address war, sickness, damage to the environment, and so on. Also, your ideas and sentences are very simple. Try to increase your working vocabulary by reading as much as possible. Also try to read as many essays as possible so you can learn new ideas.

[Scientist_A]

Thank you very much. I appreciate your advice.