 #2 (permalink) Fri Feb 03, 2012 16:10 pm Re: pleasee helppp***** |
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Hi, once again I have trouble figuring out exactly what your three supporting reasons are. I should be able to look at the first line of each of your body paragraphs and easily see the reasons - for example:
"First, government funds spent on higher education will benefit the society as a whole. ....
"Next, it contributes more to national security to spend money on education than on a strong military.
...
"Finally, education is a basic right of the people, so a just government must fund its educational system generously."
...
You need to focus on why the government should provide free college education, not just why college is a good thing for students.
| Bienvenue wrote: |
Do you agree or disagree with the statement below?
Government should offer a free university education to any student who has been accepted to a university, but who can not afford the tution{sp}.
I agree with the statement that government should offer a free university education to any student who has been accepted to a university, but who can not afford the tution.{sp} There are some prominent reasons for the idea that I am going to talk about. {don't copy word for word the essay prompt, include a summary of the reasons in your thesis statement, and try to expand your introduction a little}
Firstly, education is [a] fairly important thing for both a community which looks forward to developing itself and particularly for students who not only seek their carreers{sp} in the international area but also look for a good job in the domestic companies. With the help of education, students will acquire crucial features{"skills" would be better} in order to use the in their business li[ves], {new sentence} however that will be carried out thanks to government, which is going to afford{"afford" is not a synonym for "pay for"} students’ expensses{sp} during their educational li[ves]. For example, if the government help[s ] students economically, they will , after completing their education, contribute to the public area with their specialization knowledge. {this paragraph states why education is important, but does not make clear why the government should pay for it - how will it help the government? Your last sentence was interesting - you could expand that to be a body paragraph - "The government should help students with their education because the graduates will improve society with their specialized knowledge."
Secondly, countries always spend a lot of money on purchasing army equipments in order to preserve their lands and fronts against their foes without providing large scale educational instruments{what do you mean by "instruments"?} for students. This attemption[priority] is not fair movement for students who can not afford their expensses. [If] Countries initially supply aid for students in place of [the] army. With this respect, they will probably become a great busines men/ women who will be keen on helping for their state, or become a great politicians who will representive{sp} their in the international area[arena]. As an example, powerfull{sp} countries always support students by giving some aids or scholarships so as to maintain their educatıon{sp} abroad . After completing their education, they turn back[return] to their countries sometimes as a famous doctor known throughout the World, or as a great economist who will be able to alter the economic system of the World in the future.
Finally, it is the vital responsibility of the government to afford[pay for] student’s expensses during they go on their educatıon in the university. Governments have to provide many previleges for students who can not afford the spends[expenditures]. İt is the essential task of governments to observe their rights. İnstead of buying ammunition for army, government must spent much mre Money for education services.Military equipments, for instance, can not be recyled{sp} after being used by army, on the other hand education services taking by students are stable and always can be benefited from them
TOEFL listening discussions: What is the purpose of this conversation? |
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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| #4 (permalink) Fri Feb 03, 2012 16:48 pm pleasee helppp***** |
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| No problem Bienvenue, I am happy to help. I just stress this so much because even if you write very well, if your essay does not address the essay subject correctly, they will give you a very low score. |
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Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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