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please check me essay: studying in a foreign country



 
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Please help me correct my essay.... I plan to take TOEFLibt NExt week... | Why do you think people attend college or university? (please correct my essay)
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please check me essay: studying in a foreign country #1 (permalink) Fri Feb 03, 2012 8:55 am   please check me essay: studying in a foreign country
 

All college and university students would benefit from spending at least one semester studying in a foreign country.

I agree the statement that college students should study in a foreign country because it can bring benefit to them. The experiences getting from a foreign country can not only open their mind but also improve their skills of learning. However, it may not be a good choice to every student. In my opinion, only the students acquiring the abilities to adapt to different situations can get benefit from studying in a foreign country.

Firstly, there is no doubt that students can benefit from the experience of studying in a foreign country whose culture and academic environment is different from the students’. These differences allow the students to broaden their horizons and learn more. For example, one of my friends who was educated in the USA told me that he was surprised by fact that almost every person owned a car and there was a kind of culture of cars in this country, which could not be found in China decades ago. so if he had not gone abroad, he might never have knew and believed it. Besides that, the more important experience is that of learning. In a foreign college, students can find the studying methods that are different from theirs, which may encourage them to open their minds to learn more quickly. For example, my friend learned how to use the computer for calculating data and studied with a learning group, which can not be found in his own country. These skills and experiences allowed him to study effectively.

However, the call for studying in a foreign country as a path to get benefit comes with a caveat. The students have to get the ability to adapt to their new foreign lives. If a students who cannot adapt to the culture or language of the country, they may not benefit from it. For example, if a student cannot speak the language used in the foreign country, it is hard for him/her to understand the contexts of classes. Or when a student fails to change himself/herself to be suitable for the culture of the foreign country, she/he may not have good relations with his classmates or roommates, which may lead others to isolate him from learning groups. Thus, for the students lacking these basic abilities, the statement cannot hold the truth.

In conclusion, only when the college students have the ability to adapt the foreign country’s environment, can they get benefit from the experience of going abroad.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students at the library
Wal615
You can meet me at english-test.net


Joined: 07 Mar 2011
Posts: 58

Re: please check me essay: studying in a foreign country #2 (permalink) Fri Feb 03, 2012 15:17 pm   Re: please check me essay: studying in a foreign country
 

Hi, your writing is excellent, but your essay does not address the essay prompt correctly. It is vital to get this right, or they will mark you down severely. This essay should be an "agree or disagree" essay. You must pick one side or the other and defend your position with 2 or 3 reasons. Instead you have written a "compare and contrast" essay where you explore the arguments for and against a statement. This video is pretty good at explaining the different types of questions found on the TOEFL. : http://www.engvid.com/5-types-of-toefl-essays-patterns/

Wal615 wrote:
All college and university students would benefit from spending at least one semester studying in a foreign country.

I agree the statement that [some] college students should study in a foreign country because it can bring benefit to them. The experiences getting["gained" or "gotten"] from [studying in] a foreign country can not only open their mind[s ] but also improve their skills of learning. However, it may not be a good choice to[for] every student. In my opinion, only the students acquiring the abilities to adapt to different situations can get benefit from studying in a foreign country.{add your main reasons to the thesis statement}

Firstly, there is no doubt that students can benefit from the experience of studying in a foreign country whose culture and academic environment is different from the students’. These differences allow the students to broaden their horizons and learn more. For example, one of my friends who was educated in the USA told me that he was surprised by [the] fact that almost every person owned a car and there was a kind of culture of cars in this country, which could not be found in China decades ago. so if he had not gone abroad, he might never have knew and believed it. Besides that, the more important experience is that of learning. In a foreign college, students can find the studying methods that are different from theirs, which may encourage them to open their minds to learn more quickly. For example, my friend learned how to use the computer for calculating data and studied with a learning group, which can not be found in his own country. These skills and experiences allowed him to study effectively.

However, the call for studying in a foreign country as a path to get benefit comes with a caveat. The students have to get the ability to adapt to their new foreign lives. If a students who cannot adapt to the culture or language of the country, they may not benefit from it. For example, if a student cannot speak the language used in the foreign country, it is hard for him/her to understand the contexts of classes. Or when a student fails to change himself/herself to be suitable for the culture of the foreign country, she/he may not have good relations with his classmates or roommates, which may lead others to isolate him from learning groups. Thus, for the students lacking these basic abilities, the statement cannot hold the truth.{this last sentence is unclear - which statement?}

In conclusion, only when the college students have the ability to adapt the foreign country’s environment, can they get benefit from the experience of going abroad.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students at the library
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 7048
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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Re: please check me essay: studying in a foreign country #3 (permalink) Sat Feb 04, 2012 9:54 am   Re: please check me essay: studying in a foreign country
 

Hi, I really appreciate your help. but I write my essay under the instructions of the GRE's issue tasks. I am sorry for forgetting to give the instruction:Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

could you tell whether my essay address this prompt? for this prompt, I think i need to discuss in what situation I agree the statement(the issue task's topic), and in what situation I don't agree it.

although i am not preparing for TOEFL now, your advice in TOEFL is also useful for me because i am going to take it in several months later when i have finished my GRE test.
Wal615
You can meet me at english-test.net


Joined: 07 Mar 2011
Posts: 58

please check me essay: studying in a foreign country #4 (permalink) Sat Feb 04, 2012 14:24 pm   please check me essay: studying in a foreign country
 

OK, in that case I think your essay addresses the topic very well. If you have time, you might have wanted to add a more general sentence to the introduction to ease the reader into the essay and adding one more sentence to the conclusion with a common saying or interesting point would be nice too.
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 7048
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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