Compare and contrast your way of life with that of your parents. Which way of lif

[Zygis]

Hello, I always find it quite hard to write a good essay. Could you evaluate this one?

When people are mature, they tend to remember their early days as being very happy. Some even say that childhood is the happiest period in one's life. I agree with that opinion though children also face some inconveniences which may hinder their happiness.

The first point I would like to make is that being a child automatically means having a lack of independence which is quite annoying to a child. To illustrate, children typically cannot make their own decisions, they have to obey to their parents or they will be admonished. Parents tend to conduct whether their child is allowed to watch TV, go out with friends or do any other activity which the child finds interesting.

Though a lack of independence is rather a big drawback, I would still say that childhood is the happiest time in person's life. Usually, children are careless about politics, economic situation or other serious things; thus, they can enjoy their life. They can merely play hide and seek or any other game with their friends and think about nothing else. Furthermore, children do not feel any stress about their future. In contrast, older people are always concerned about a huge diversity of things. For example, I am now quite stressed about the upcoming examinations, studies, living in another city I remember my younger days as being very exhilarating.

In my opinion, childhood is the happiest time of a person's life. Though there are a few things that can be seen as drawbacks in being a child, they do not diminish much of the happiness.

TOEFL listening discussions: Two roommates talking about fraternities

[Luschen]

Hi, I enjoyed your essay, your grammar is very good. I think you could improve your structure by following this format:

Introduction (yours is good)

Disdvantages of childhood (yours is good, although you could add a few more disadvantages instead of just focusing on one)

Advantages of childhood

My personal opinion

Conclusion

{or if you are running out of time, you can combine your personal opinion with the conclusion}

You mixed your personal opinions in with the advantages. You then restated them in the conclusion. I think your essay would have been better if you had kept them more separate.