Please, correct my essay!

[Maria1212]

I have Toefl exam in 2 weeks. Could you check and grade my eesay (from 0 to 6).

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should be required to help with household tasks as soon as they are able to do so. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
I strongly agree that children should be involved in the household tasks as soon as they are able to do so. Giving children household duties not only provides them with a sense of responsibility, teaches the importance of cooperation, but helps in learning essential skills as well.
First of all, involving children in household chores is a great way to teach them about responsibility. It teaches children that they need to be responsible not only for themselves but their surroundings and their home. For example, when I was a child I was given the task of feeding our dog every day at specific times; thereby I could learn to assume responsibility.
Secondly, by doing housework, children learn cooperation. Through shared contributions, problems and difficulties, they begin to see the family as a team. As a result, by learning how to cooperate within a family, children learn how to get along with others. This quality is very useful when they become adults. In addition, performing household tasks together brings a family closer.
Finally, children learn skills like being helpful, sharing and showing concern for others by participating in houshold tasks. Things, such as taking care of a pet, helping prepare meals and setting or cleaning the table are some examples of helping others. In my opinion, these are essential skills every child should be learned because it helps children prepare better for their future lives.
In conclusion, there are many reasons why children should be required to help with household tasks as soon as they are able to do so. Children’s participating in housework is a way in which they learn both a sense of responsibility, the importance of cooperation as well as necessary life skills. These experiences can have a positive impact on children’s adult life.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and his counselor

[Luschen]

Hi, this is a great essay. I think it would probably get a 6. If you added a couple general sentences to your introduction I would be more certain of the 6. Maybe like "Raising children today can be challenging. Some parents believe that childhood should be a time only for fun, while others include their children in domestic duties." then continue on with your intro.

[Maria1212]

Thank you! Your advice is always very helpful.