Could you evaluate my essay?

[Zygis]

Hi, I would appreciate very much if would evaluate my essay.

Topic: The widespread use of the Internet has given people access to information on a level never experienced before. How does this increase in the availability of information influence life in today's world?

The internet is thought to be an extremely important part of today's world. Nowadays people can surf the internet and find al the information they are interested in. As far as I am concerned, this availability of information has immensely influenced today's world.

The first point I would like to make, is that the internet has led to the globalization. People now can read all the information thay need on the internet. However, it is estimated that about ninety per cent of the information on the internet is in English. I assume r the English language has become even more important since they are used on a daily basis to communicate with other people. The internet has led to learning the English language, and, as a consequence, to the globalization.

Though the increase in learning popular languages is important, I suppose the spread of ideas in today's world is even bigger influence. Thanks to the internet, seeing what happens on the other side of the globe is now merely a matter of seconds. People now may become more sophisticated in the field of their interest. To illustrate, they may with only a few clicks read articles about fashion, science, economy or other things. Moreover, the ability to spread one's ideas had a major in some countries. A case in point the interneteffect in Egypt, for example, where egyptians used the internet to spread the information about their uprising which helped them to gather together together and figh the regime.

To recapitulate, the availability of information on the internet has influenced our lives very much. It added up to globalization. Furthermore, people can get the information they need and can even make a big change on their lives.

P.S. Do you think it is bad if I haven't reached the minimum of 300 words? Here are 287 of them :

THANK YOU!

TOEFL listening discussions: Why has the student been taking statistics?

[Rambabu234sonu]

i read and seem to be written pretty well .. . go ahead and keep writing . .i am also in the same to learn writing, but not perfect as you are! so what are the important tips you would suggest me also to stick with and learn english writing

[Zygis]

I don't know if there are some universal tips. I merely try to enrich my vocabulary. For example, I read articles in English and write out the most common words I don't know. I also listen to BBC podcasts. Of course, grammar is also very important, so it is essential to work on it.

[IELTSbuddy]

[Zygis]

Thanks!
I see I have done lots of mistakes. I think it is because of the lack of time. :\
This form - "The first point i would like to make is that..." I have found in Longman's "Preparation Course For The TOEFL test" book. And I remember it was written to "personalize your essay as much as it is possible" :\

[IELTSbuddy]

You don't have too many mistakes actually. Your work was easy to read and follow, and for some of it I reworded it to make it sound better - it didn't necessarily have grammar mistakes.

I normally teach IELTS actually, so I assumed TOEFL was the same. In IELTS it is academic so it's better not to personalize it too much, apart from the times I mentioned in my last post (intro, concl, and examples).

So if that is the case for TOEFL, apologies on that one, what you put that personalized it may have been ok then. I'll have to have a read up on what exactly is expected in TOEFL.
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