my associations (A la recherche du temp perdu)

[Kati Svaby]

After the 3rd April 1963 we began our common life. We left the wedding-dinner and the guests in the restaurant because we wanted to spend our first night in the new flat in D. town. When we arrived home in Budapest to change our cloths, we could difficultly open the door because behind the door there was a pile of pictured telegrams for us that the postman threw in. We very quickly scanned them but this little time was enough that we missed our last bus to D. town. What to do? My parents and my sister and brother wanted to stay in this flat so we had to go somewhere. We went to a hotel near-by. They asked our identity card (of which only the name was identity card, it was like a notebook with every kind of data. ). My husband was already registered in D. town but I was still a resident of Budapest. Don’t forget, it still was socialism in Hungary with its strange laws. Nobody would have wondered if we had found out there was thought police also. (But today more million people weep for those days of secure job.)

When the receptionist saw that I am a resident of Budapest she said to me:” resident of Budapest couldn’t stay in the hotel.” We saw that the hotel could be empty because the keys were hung on. We began to tell our story from the beginning till the end. In the socialism the clerks had a great power. She looked up in my “identity card” whether our marriage was really that day (the date was registered also in it of course) and she took pity on us and broke the law and we could spend our night in this hotel.
This wasn’t characteristic of the officials they liked to abuse of their authority and to give to the people hard time. So it was an exception. If I were suspicious I should say our common life had made a good start.

Next day we went to D. town. A brand new flat with an atelier ( in those time every people could get a free flat after a waiting period) As I told earlier that my husband as a student worked every summer in this new socialist town, he heard that he would want to build three flats with atelier and he applied for one. In the autumn of 1962 he got a letter that one of the three flats he would receive. Immediately we went to look at it. It was even under building. I have to admit that I was disappointed because there wasn’t an intimate part in this town. Everything was artificial. Lajos was sad because I told him this town very strange for me.

So on the 4th April we arrived to our brand new flat what was already arranged with my parents’ and grand parents’ old stylish furniture. It was very familiar for me. It was a single place in this strange town which was intimate. In 1963 most of the people tried to rid of old furniture. The fashion was the modern, cheap and of poor quality furniture.

Now I become sad when I remember that great pleasure how my grandmother gave to us her Welsh dresser made of hardwood and old glass cabinet and she wanted to give to us the oval table with six chairs covered with leather but we didn’t accepted because our new flat would have become a furniture depository. But without this two pieces of furniture her dining-room ( what was her most beautiful room) seemed to me empty .And I never will forget that my grandma was about in the same age than I am now, she didn’t sting to her objects. Today I understand her.
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We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

[Kati Svaby]

Hello,

Somebody made me impiously an object of derision. This made me bad-tempered and unpleasant. Chiefly I regretted why I began to write my associations here. Thank Goodness, the help arrived which could console me.

"I am sorry that there are still guys who have not yet nurtured into human and has remained a mere speaking animal all their life and are due live their life out in this disgusting approach, and I am again sorry that why the founders of this site allow that type of defamatory posts and showcase them even for a short while. They need to be there and check whatever is posted or else the site would resemble a state of anarchy where those evil-minded individuals tarnish other's reputation. Considering all what I stated if I were you I wouldn't treat them back the way they have done to me I would forgive them and this is what makes me feel great and let me enjoy having peace of mind. You are great dear Kati and shouldn't bother yourself worry about other’s remarks, let them die in this stupid and preposterous world they have built for themselves and by keeping silent and forgiving you help them feel sorry."

Many thanks, MY FRIEND that you gave back my belief and I could forgive them who made me ridiculous.
_________________
We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

[Kati Svaby]

When I became pregnant everybody told me:
-Do you have any idea that a child takes up all your time.
-Oh what about do you speak about? I can take her everywhere. It will be good! No problem.
I didn't know really that a baby not a doll. All my life I dreamt about that I will have children. I don't know how long I was religious, I remember than a teeny I was religious and I asked God if I am sinful not punish me with not giving me children.
I was third-year student in my college. After our marriage I transferred to a correspondence student. My father was a Doubting Thomas.
-You 'll never finish your college study.
This hurt me and I never forgot his scepticism and then I knew that I would finish at any price.
My daughter was born the 28th October 1963
.
During our spring and summer our life was free and unbound. The Danube is very good at D.town. Its a stagnant water because a dead end of the Danube. Its riverside was sandy. The town was on a plateau of sand. ( that's why by now some buildings became uninhabitable, because they wanted slide into the Danube.) From this plateau there is stairs down to the Danube. It has 265 steps. For a pregnant it was easy go down but up; my husband had to push my hip. I didn't want to do it but he stuck to it.
There was a Swedish film: Hon dansade en sommar. (1951) English title: One Summer of Happiness. Our summer reminded me this film. We were really very happy. Our friends came to visit us. I was sunbathing that I made a hole in the sand to my belly and I was lying on my front.

I was shocked when my husband told me that his life isn't this what we lived so far, he was looking forward to painting. He explained me when he is painting, I had to keep myself busy and I must not disturb him because when he is painting he needs the solitude. Strange though it may appear but it was so true and really our life was dogged by great tact when he was painting.

In September I began to teach. I received a class with very unmanageable children. I thought that I never will be able to teach these mentally deficient children. Every day I was exhausted and I waited when I can go to my maternity leave. I went in the middle of October.

I expected my daughter in the first week of November.
Friends came to our place and they remained with us till 4 o'clock AM. We were playing and we were laughing lot. When they left for home I stood up and I felt something. My waters began break. Eszter one of our guests ( who had 2 children) told me I have time to go to hospital, "sleep a little and after 8 AM you have to go into the hospital."-she said to me.

After 8 we were walking into the hospital.
_________________
We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

[Kati Svaby]

I was in hospital after 8 o'clock. It was Sunday. Only the doctor on duty was there. My doctor was somewhere in the country. Nobody didn't care about me. I haven't any ache, but I have to stay in the hospital. In the evening I wanted to call my doctor. When at last they could speak to him.
-Mrs.Svaby isn't my patient.
-It can be some misunderstanding -I said - I prearranged with Mr. Keserű that he will help me at the labour.-I said to the nurse.
The nurse told the doctor what I've said to her.
In short: I was a scatter-brained than several times in life.
I didn't know the doctors only I knew this Keserű was the brother of my husband class-mate.
-Which doctor is this Mr. Keserű ? - I asked a woman who was sitting with me in the waiting-hall. She showed me 'this-one.' I entered to this doctor , I presented myself and I told him I would like to give birth to my baby with him. He told me OK and told that I would have phoned him when I would need him. I was convinced that I arranged everything.
But no. Later I knew the doctor who I asked to help me wasn't Mr. Keserű but another one who was forbidden to conduct a delivery. When I asked him he asked a permit that he could conduct my dlivery. And he got a permit.
In this evening everything cleared up. I only said that I would like to give birth to my child with Mr. Keserű.
After I didn't know how they arranged this misunderstanding but Mr. Keserű arrived and he remained with me, and I without bigger ache gave birth to my little daughter.
When they showed me I never felt in my life so big happiness. I didn't believe to my eyes when I saw her perfect appearance, her perfect hands with her tiny nails, and everything was perfect. I din't know how to nurse her. Nobody told me. But when they put her next to me with her eyes closed she straight away knew what she had to do. She was cleverer than me. Me, who had to learn lot of biology, I didn't know the newborns' instincts.What a miracle !

We were 5 days in the hospital and we came home. My husband showed to the little our flat and explained everything to her.My bed was prepared and I had to lie (in that time) for two weeks. My husband did everything with her, he changed her first, he bathed her and he gave me to my bed to nurse her.

After a month he received an Italian travel for 3 months. He drove us to my parents'place. Before Christmas somebody rang the doorbell. This is Lajos.- I cried out. My mum told me don't speak stupidity he came back only at the end of February.And I was right he was. He told us that he missed us very much and came home.

my daughter was 1 month-old


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We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

[Illegallife]

Wow dear Kati let me confess it over again that all the times that i regard you as wonderfull you really were are and will be forever, what an astonishing lovely angel you were and what a gracefully adorable look you have casted on on her cherubic smile. if children could recall the pains that mothers have been through on the process of raising them they would have worshiped their mothers and fathers their whole life. dear kati what an amazingly starange coincidence it is that often while i am writing reading to thinking of YOU I got an sms from you, it indirectly tries to depict who purely do we love each other. you won't believe this but i think i have seen you whole my life and have known you all the time, and your beautiful face would forever be carved into my heart.
please forgive me if i couldn't write a letter to you today i would compensate my non writing with whatever you desire. i am going to post it here on the forum and if you regard it not appropraite to be posted on public you can delate the post but promise to save it as you did others.
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Put All Excuses Aside And Remember; YOU ARE CAPABLE.

[Kati Svaby]

Dear Ali, you are one of my best friends who is always reliable. We know each other from our letters. I know your children and your affection towards your family. You know now from this “associations” also – but I wrote to you about it. This is my daughter,my very beloved daughter, she went away to the faraway America. Her children, my grand-children don’t speak Hungarian. I learned in some degree in English for that I can speak to them, but the truth I speak to you more than to them.

I don’t want to complain because when we speak to each other –very rarely – their look reveals me that they love us. But their love is another love than my grandchildren who live here. And my husband didn’t speak English, and he says "if for our daughter wasn’t important to teach their children Hungarian for that they can communicate with us then I won’t go out of my ways. I know this a wound inside him but he very rarely tell it ."
When children came he can play cards , check with them, he can fish with his grand-son but instead of speaking they are making signs or laughing.

Many thanks for your compliment. But excuse me you are not right. Everybody told me that I was beautiful .There is a time for everything, I think after 70. I can be happy that I can learn, I can provide my family and housework. In the morning when I look at the mirror I can see how I am getting older and older. It is never interested me.Luckily. This is concomitant of life than the birth and death.

As I was clinically dead, and it was like a great peace.I don’t fear of it any more. There is a saying: Everybody dies to the others, It’s true, because if I die I won't feel anything but I don’t know what will happen with my husband without me?

Learning makes me better life. I like read good letters, essays of course and
Your letters because they have lot of joy, they are very interesting and you have a good style. Only don’t believe that I am still young. In the morning is the worst.

How do you think I would delete your letter?

Regards:
Kati
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We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

[Kati Svaby]

How happened that I was in a state of clinical death? My family knows it, but I have to tell what I felt. It was unforgettable. After a car crash I see the whole story as I saw a film.
After my operation next morning the doctors called my family for that they could take a leave from me, if they couldn't help. I was in an isolated part of the ICU, ( Intensive Care Unit). My blood-circulation had broken down. I was in coma. They put me a high stretcher, with nothing on, only I was covered with a white sheet, and I attached to the machines by tubes.(ECG,oxygen, infusions, etc)
All my family arrived. My mother, my husband, my two children, my brother, my sister, my brother-in-law. They were sanding around this high stretcher. ( It was really high for that the doctors and nurses more easily can help me.) I felt something in the air, I felt that people are around me.I remember I needed a great force to come out from the total peace and tranquillity which I had been.
I opened somewhat my eyes and I didn't believe to the spectacle why they put me to this high something, its height was similar to a bier, why there are everybody from my family around me, and why they were crying. This spectacle remained in my mind. I relapsed in a dozing but I comprehended quickly that they mourned for me. I wanted to say to them don't cry because I know I won't die. But I couldn't speak. The doctors observed that I opened my eyes and they told my family, this is a good sign and to go away because they can produce a bad effect on me.

After my recovery - I said several times - it's bizarre till the end of life to see our own mourners.
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We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

[Kati Svaby]

My associations. This doesn't want to be a masterpiece.

I don't care for exposing my idotic writing to the public. And for my bad English.

This is only an English practice. There was several times in my life that I couldn't say to my grandchildren what how happened because the key-words didn't come into my mind.

As I know how a psychoanalyst works they work from the sincere associations which are jumping and they don't care about the chronological order. If I was writing about my associations I should write about my depression, and about its thousands of reasons. Today I am really under the weather. I am associating not spontaneously but
direct my associations.

I remember my daughter who was born on the 28th October 1963. On that same day my best friend's daughter was born. Incredible coincidence!

We were comparing our children. Orsi, her daughter ate well, she ate everything, she wasn't choosy, she was stocky but she knew about the world less. My little daughter was very choosy, she ate so little than a bird, she was graceful and a fragile beauty. She was very clever. In six month-old she could give me her animal-toys and could imitate their voice.She could say 'mama', 'papa' also. She knew where is the lamp. If I asked her, she pointed to the lamp. I told my girlfriend and she passed me a message from her father, Orsi's grandfather told: 'Tell Kati that Orsi even knows that Edison uncle invented.' Of course they didn't believe it.

My little daughter was 7 months-old when I was dressing her and meantime I told her 'this is your trousers', 'this is your sweater' etc. She received a new mittens. They were beautiful because on their upper part there was a colourful puppet-face. I told her 'here are your new mittens' and I put on her mittens. He began to see them ( she was lying and put her hands in front of her face and she pronounced her first really difficult word : tet-tju (kesztyű = gloves ) I couldn't express how big was my surprise I called my husband and he heard also that she was repeating this word: tet-tju, tet-tju

When I used to be a child I was longing to have a doll's pram but I never got it. Now we hired a pram and I pushed my little girl in the pram. Everybody saw her because she was like a peach if I saw the colours on her face. She was a perfect baby.

Than I said earlier I really imagined that a baby is like a doll.( I was an infantile in my whole life.) I realized that she is not like. I had to nurse her in every three hour, after nursing I had to burp her, and if she burped her dress, I had to change her clothes, every day we have to go for a walk - so I admit I have not a free minute in that time.

In May I have to began to learn because I had my exams in my college in Budapest. Without my husband' s help I couldn't really finish my study - than my father foresaw.. I passed through my every exams. When I went to get an exam to Budapest my husband stayed with our daughter and told me that she wanted to nurse and she turned her head and looked for the place.

After my exams I proposed to my husband to go to a colony of artist. In 1964 these colonies of artist worked very well. There was breakfast, lunch and dinner. An artist received an atelier with a room and bathroom. While we were eating out breakfast the cleaners cleaned our rooms very beautifully. I remember that the floor was so shiny than a skating rink.

In the artist colony was a very good company. Every evening we were talking,drinking, singing, enjoying the life and my little daughter was sleeping I didn't need anybody to babysitter her because I heard if she would have cried. But it wasn't characteristic of her, she had her schedule and so she always was sleeping all night.

On the colony of artist we began to say that we don't want to go back D. town, in the new socialist town where every house was a modern cube, there wasn't atmosphere in the town. When we said it, a young couple asked us : 'Do you speak seriously?' 'Yes' - we said. I had my little flat in Budapest where my sister and brother lived and we decided to move there. Our single problem was how could we manoeuvre this flat to our friends' hand. ( I have to say something what is incomprehensible for who didn't know the socialism here. When the D. town's council assigned this flat to my husband after this council had to give up the right of this flat and it got under Ministry of Education and Culture.) So we found out that our friend would send a application for receiving a D.town atelier and in the same time we would send a letter that we renounced about our D.town's flat. If we were lucky and they would connect the two application, and if our friends/ and not another competitor - received our flat, they would pay our moving.

Everything managed. Our D.town's flat had been assigned to this couple and we never went back to D. town.In 1965 January we went to Budapest, in a tiny flat where 5 persons lived with us together.

My husband went at a night with a lorry and brought our furniture, vessels, cloths etc. to Budapest. He told happily that he didn't meet anybody. So we fled away from D. town.

Unfortunately my father died in April 1965. He was 61 year-old and active lawyer. I got a nervous breakdown because it was so unexpected and I loved him very much. We travelled home. In that time the decease was lied in his catafalque at home. I ran to him to hug him but shrank back when I touched him, he was very cold and hard than a statue.

He had gotten ill on Easter Eve. I had to say that he never was ill. He was working in whole life. On Saturday he told us that he had felt unwell, and he wanted to stay in his bed. My mother was full of household work because of Easter. Poor Mum told me he isn't ill he is hypochondriac. I know that he couldn't know what she spoke in her hurry.

I decided to clean his room because it is good to lie a very clean room. Our garden was full of his favourite flowers, hyacinths. I picked a bunch and put on his beside tables. I saw he was happy. We called the doctor - who was one of his friends - and he told 'this is nothing you caught a cold on your motorbike.'

In Easter he was with us as a healthy man. In Monday he went in his lawyer's office from morning to evening, on Tuesday again. On Tuesday evening when he went to bed, he asked for a glass of water and when my mother brought to him, he was already dying, he was unconscious. Three doctors lived nearby. My mother tried to wake them up; he could wake up only the third, but it was late, he died.

I had to tell in spite of the antecedents he was the happiest grandfather, if he was at home he couldn't take his eyes off his grand-daughter. He didn't allow us to put a nappy to her, because according him a nappy works as she would be in steam. We try to explain him that means that we have to change her sheet, and it is difficult.He insisted!

His funeral was so big that when we glanced at backward we didn't see the end of the line.

The withered bunch of hyacinth remained there while my Mum lived there. As I wrote earlier she began to sell our house.
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We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

[Kati Svaby]

Dear Kati what is going on, why do you always leave my questions about your husband health unanswered?

My dear Friend,
Speaking about his illness I feel myself as an ostrich who buries its head in the sand.

It is very difficult to answer this question. My husband has been ill for 15 years. His illness COPD.

"COPD ranked as the sixth leading cause of death in 1990.
COPD is the third leading cause of death in the U.S.
COPD usually gradually gets worse over time and can lead to death. The rate at which it gets worse varies between individuals."

It's an irreversible illness. It is worse than the cancer.

His lungs are able to absorb less and less oxygen. The doctors always measure the level of oxygen that he can breath.The scale is from 100 to 30. If this number goes under 30 the death can happen any time.

Two weeks ago they measured 29. You can imagine what we felt. He never dealt about his illness, he lived his life normally, of course he was coughing lot but he never complained.

This number scared him terribly and me also. Till now never happened that this number would have gone backwards - but now the miracle happened, it went back 31,4. It isn't good but it isn't below 30.

He began to have a great fear of the death.My life has been in fear since I got to know what is COPD. Every morning my first thought was to see whether he is alive.
I see the doctor sees at him as a miracle because she never thought that he could live even for 15 years when she diagnosed his illness.

Yesterday I was a Psychological test because I had problems with my brain CT and the psychologist told me that she is "envious of me" because my IQ and memory is in the highest level. I came home with pleasure and when I entered the flat my husband were phoning with her doctor who told him his lungs are full of a bacteria. The next week probably he has to go to hospital. When I said to him the result of my examination, my poor husband was happy for a minute and after we began to speak about his state.

You know that he is an artist painter and when he was working, he was smoking . He couldn't work without smoking. He told me that sometimes he saw that there were two cigarettes in his hands during he held his brushes in his hand among them an other cigarette was hidden. - he said to us laughingly.

Many thanks for your question because I wanted to describe it.
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We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

[Kati Svaby]

What do I write? I wanted to continue my souvenirs about D. town. But before I would begin I must write that this morning Mrs.Mark, my husband's doctor phoned us that she had a consultation with an infectologist about my husband illness as his lungs are full of bacteria and he had to go to hospital for 4 or 6 weeks. He will get an FORTUM medicine in infusion. As the doctor knows that he isn't willing to go a ward where are more people so he had to wait for the next week when their single ward with one bed will be empty.This medicine is very good against lot of bacteria and the respiratory tract infections also. I say they would have given this but they made experiments with other antibiotics meantime the bacteria live merrily and multiply their number and now they have to use a great cannon to kill them. I have to hope.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

One of my memories that I had to tell. As my favourite novel Albert Camus: The Stranger I think that its cause can be that almost the same thing happened to us as Merseault in the beach.

I was pregnant, so it happened in the summer of 1963. My father with my sister came to visit us in D. town. It was one of the dog days. We went to the Danube. We enjoyed the sun, the bathing. My father said : Take a look around on the river side. We set off. We went a few meters where there was a beer-garden. When we arrived there, a company were drinking beer perhaps they were drunken and when say to us in a bawling voice: "What a bikini! What a sombrero!"-told about my sister. "What a damage that the other is pregnant!" etc And my husband told them: Shut up! In the next moment they pour a mug of bear to my husband's face. What to do? We went on.

We already forgot them. When we came back they saw us and one of them told: 'here is our bare-faced hero.'

The next minute they run out from the beer-garden and began to strike my husband dead. My father wanted to help him, and they said: 'disappear here old boy'. I screamed and I begged them for stopping. But they became more and more aggressive and once I saw that one of them try to pull out a post of a boat.He was like an orang -utan. He moved it with force at right, at left, at backwards and at forwards and once he could pull out violently.

He lifted it up and ran towards my husband. I began to begged him as I could. I was crying -I remember and I didn't believe that I could stop him. He was running towards him and he heard my entreaty. And I saw the next. He set the pole down and said: considering your pregnant wife you have now a narrow escape.

We went home. My husband was full of bleeding injuries. We went to the policy. The policeman told us how we imagine that they can find them.' Don't report them!'-he said. In this point my husband became upset. " I want to report them as they attack peaceful bathers today they could attack others tomorrow.

Then the policeman wrote his particulars. When he get to know that he is an artist painter, he told. "If you are artist painter draw this person. " I am an artist painter but not a camera. I can't draw him."-he said.

After this we went to the doctor to write a medical statements about his injury.

When we came home, my husband put a paper on the table, a pencil and an eraser. I was sitting next to him and I was seeing how he tried to bring this orang-utan's face to his mind. He was drawing, and he spoke to himself, no he had a pug-nose and he erased and his eyes was like etc. and after an hour was ready with a little drawing(about 2cm x 2cm) and we went to the police. When the policeman saw the drawing he cried out: Ha-ha,this is XY. I forgot his name but in the same evening they found him in his flat.

He had been fined for penalty what he did pay monthly for 9 months.

My husband felt sorry for him because he got to know that he had lot of little children so he sent to him a sum in every month, because he said that it is unjust that the children will be punished and they have to suffer from their father's crime.

He is like.
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We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

[Ozzy For President]

Hello Kati,

I hope that the illness of your husband does not take too much toll for either of you.

It is hard to stay positive at times, but it is the only drive to continue.

As I saw that you posted a link to funny material on Youtube, I have another one from a channel I enjoy watching the videos.



You learn many idiomatic expressions along the way, laughing.

Warm regards from Mexico,

Ozzy
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I have learnt that "sorry" is not enough; sometimes you actually have to change.
Claire London.

[Kati Svaby]

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Dear Ozzy,

Many thanks for your letter and the joyful video. Unfortunately I didn't understand the speech in it but I want to listen several times till I will have understood.
Now I read a very moving writing from the great philosopher Alan Watts talks about how music is similar to life.I would share with you and those who once will read this thread.I have to say to you that I thought of you several times, and you preceded me because I wanted to write to you.

“In music, one doesn’t make the end of a composition the point of the composition. If that were so, the best conductors would be those who played fastest; and there would be composers who wrote only finales. People would go to concerts only to hear one crashing chord, because that’s the end.
But we don’t see that as something brought by our education into our everyday conduct. We’ve got a system of schooling which gives a completely different impression. It’s all graded. And what we do is we put the child into the corridor of this grade system, with a kind of “c’mon kitty kitty kitty…” and you go to kindergarten, and that’s a great thing, because when you finish that, you’ll get into first grade. And then c’mon, first grade leads to second grade, and so on…
And then you get out of grade school you go to high school, and it’s rewing up, the thing is coming… then you’re going to go to college, and by jove then you get into graduate school, and when you’re through with graduate school, you’ll go out to join the world.
And then you get into some racket where you’re selling insurance. And they’ve got that quota to make. And you’re going to make that. And all the time, this thing is coming, it’s coming, it’s coming, that great thing, the success you’re working for. Then when you wake up one day about forty years old, you say “My God! I’ve arrived! I’m there!” and you don’t feel very different from what you always felt.
And there’s a slight letdown, because you feel there’s a hoax. And there was a hoax. A dreadful hoax. They made you miss everything.
Because we’ve simply cheated ourselves, the whole way down the line. We thought our life by analogy was a journey, with a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end, and the thing was to get to that end. Success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you’re dead.
But we missed the point the whole way along.
It was a musical thing, and you were supposed to sing, or to dance, while the music was being played.”
(Alan Watts)

Bye:
Kati
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We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

[Jamilion]

Great.. you were very beautiful girl...I think your husband knew how lucky he was.. and the age he lived with you was real life.. delicious life.. green life...

A wink for your eyes.
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We are always looking for a miracle but the things we are used to seeing are more miraculous than those we are looking for.

[Kati Svaby]

Many thanks Jamilion,

This is the beginning of our life and if I want to be sincere ... I have to speak about "the other side of the coin "when we say with a Hungarian proverbs "There is no rose without thorn". or "It takes two to make a bargain". or in English:" Let bygones by bygones" = we had to forget our disagreements.
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We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

[Ozzy For President]