could anyone evaluate my essay?

[Bienvenue]

Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information.
Others think access to so much information creates problems. Which view do you agree
with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Technological developments, especially in the 20th century, led to many great changes in the whole world. One of the these developments is internet, which is accepted by many people as a best instrument of the last years. That is why I agree with the statement that internet supplies people with a lot of crucial knowledge.
First, it is the easiest way to reach something that we need. 30 or more years ago, it was not being used by people commonly. Thus, people researching something about their studies, or lives had to endavour so much to attain them by us’ng their written materials. Nevertheless, today, they can primitively get the infirmation that they need thanks to internet. For example, if you wanted to find out the mean of a word ‘n foreign language, you would have to look at the dictionary in order to learn it, but today you can reach the mean of the word just with a button.
Second, it provides many vital, and interesting news from all the world quickly. Before internet was common, we would get news with the help of the television, but developments in the internet technology made internet more popular than television. And nowadays we reach many news from all over the world in many second on account of the effects of the internet. For instance, we were rarely witnessing some incidents in the Bosnian War, however, today we immediately watch a lot of news regarding Syrian Riots by watching live.
Third, it is the essential factor of the common communication among the people. Today. Many people possessing internet use it as a prominent communication device in their business life, relationships, and casual lives. İt is particularly used in the business life by e-mailing to both customers and business partners so as to keep in contact for the next phases of the commerce, and shopping. As an example, I am working for a multinational company selling many commodities to several countries. If companies purchasing item from our company need different commodities, they immediately e-mail us and in the shortest time our we provide items they have demanded.

TOEFL listening discussions: What did the young man do during his last holiday?

[Oad]

Hi, I think you worked well although using limited vocabulary.
Below are some of my changes on your essay, and I hope they'll help.
I'd like to see others' feedback on your essay as well.