Please check my essay and score it: Single-sex or co-ed school?

[Annievu94]

School type has been a hotly discussed topic. Different people possess different reasons for their different choices between single-sex and co-ed school. From my own perspective, I find the later a great marvel.
First of all, relationship attachment is what I put in my priority. It cannot be denied that being in co-ed schools creates chances for students to understand more about the opposite sex. While boys and girls are born with many differences, learning together and taking in the same activities in school enables them to acknowledge the characteristics of each other. Therefore, the gap between two genders is likely to be reduced. More notably, only by studying in mixed schools can students be well-prepared for their future. It is attributed to the fact that any society does consist both women and men. Not knowing how to communicate and work with the other sex is certain to be a great problem. Meanwhile, the co-ed school is an ideal environment for students of both sexes to have a good acquaintance with the other gender. As a result, they are bound to enter real life with confidence. Without any doubt, mixed schools bring both genders closer.
Second of all, study efficiency ranks an equal place in the essence. It is widely known that students are sure to broaden their perspectives while studying in a mixed school. Each gender has distinct style of thinking and analyzing things. Exchanging opinions certainly helps them to strengthen their advantages, weaken their disadvantages, and widen their views and concepts to have a deeper understanding of any matter. Therefore, their learning is remarkably improved. More importantly, students in co-ed schools are greatly motivated. The competitive environment there encourages them to work harder in order to not fall behind and demonstrate the ability of their gender. Thus, their academic performances have a tendency to be outstandingly developed. With no doubt, it is possible for students to harvest wonderful results in co-ed schools.
Last but not least, school activity enhancement is undoubtedly of paramount importance. It is well noted that school activities require the attendance of both sexes to succeed. Work tasks that demand physical strength are completed better by boys, while ones that need meticulous skills are finished more excellently by girls. For instance, in making a camp, boys are more helpful in building and girls are more skillful in decorating. The participation of the two sexes unquestionably advances the outcome of any activity. Beyond any doubt, schools are more marvelous with the composition of boys and girls.
In conclusion, relationship attachment, study efficiency and school activity enhancement are the convincing reasons for co-ed school. I highly recommend that parents and students should take my writing into great consideration to make an effective decision on choosing school.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why doesn't the young man want to assume the family business?

[Luschen]

Hi, your writing was ok, but many of your sentences sounded unnatural to me. Is sounds a little like you picked synonyms at random out of a thesaurus, but the words don't fit quite right in their context. Maybe you are stretching a little too far. That said, you structure is very good and I think you have very good arguments. Based on these scoring guidelines: http://www.ets.org/Media/Tests/TOEFL/pdf/Writing_Rubrics.pdf I would give your essay a 3.5 out of 5.