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an integrated essay. (please correct it)



 
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Building a new high school in your community. | please review my essay ! thanks in advance .
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an integrated essay. (please correct it) #1 (permalink) Tue Feb 07, 2012 16:00 pm   an integrated essay. (please correct it)
 

In the reading passage it is mentioned that researchers believe that nature and nurture both play a great role in the development of personality of twins. They discuss both identical (monozygotic) and fraternal (dizygotic) twins. And researchers debate that which aspect nature or inheritance more significant for twins. But in the listening passage the professor emhasizes that she does not believe the usefulness of this research. She mentions that there are some assumptions that are questionable. In the reading passage it is underlined that identical twins have more similiraties than others. If even they will be seperated different environment and grow seperately they show many simiralities. It means that genetics plays a great role on these twins. Moreover, it is also argued that with the help of this theory they can calculate the physical desorders or understanding of music or intellectual levels of twins. But in the listening passage the professor mentions the similar environment problem. She debates that both identical and fraternal twins live in the same life conditions. They do the same activities for example the same school activities. So the professor highlightes that if the identical twins want to eat the same icecream or to wear the same clothes by themselves it can be the result of heredity. On the other hand the professor metions that everybody around the identical twins even their family members suggest them the same things or activities. Everybody wants to see them in the same situation. Thus the professor mentions that because of the pressure of the environment the personality of identical twins developes similarly. In this situation environmental factors are more improtant than genetic factors.

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Scientist_A
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Joined: 14 Mar 2010
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Re: an integrated essay. (please correct it) #2 (permalink) Wed Feb 08, 2012 5:12 am   Re: an integrated essay. (please correct it)
 

Hi, your grammar is good, but I sort of lost track of your structure or the points you were trying to make around the middle of your essay - after "intellectual levels". You recovered near the end, so I was able to figure out what you were trying to say.

Scientist_A wrote:
In the reading passage it is mentioned that researchers believe that nature and nurture both play a great role in the development of [the] personalit[ies] of twins. They discuss both identical (monozygotic) and fraternal (dizygotic) twins. And researchers debate that which aspect{comma} nature or inheritance{comma} [is] more significant for twins. But in the listening passage the professor emhasizes{sp} that she does not believe the usefulness of this research.{"does not believe this research is useful" sounds more natural} She mentions that there are some assumptions that are questionable. In the reading passage it is underlined that identical twins have more similiraties{sp} than others{this sounds like you are say "than other identical twins"}. If even they will be seperated different environment and grow seperately they show many simiralities. {Even if they are separated and grow up in different environments, they still show many similarities} It means that genetics plays a great role on[with] these twins. Moreover, it is also argued that with the help of this theory they can calculate the physical desorders{sp} or understanding of music or intellectual levels of twins. But in the listening passage the professor mentions the similar environment problem. {this is unclear - what is a "similar environment problem"?}She debates that both identical and fraternal twins live in the same life conditions. They do the same activities {comma} for example the same school activities. So the professor highlightes{sp} that if the identical twins want to eat the same icecream{two words} or to wear the same clothes by themselves it can be the result of heredity. On the other hand the professor metions{sp} that everybody around the identical twins even their family members suggest [to] them the same things or activities. {this sentence makes sense, but the two or three before this one were confusing to me} Everybody wants to see them in the same situation. Thus the professor mentions that because of the pressure[influence] of the environment the personality of identical twins developes{sp} similarly. In this situation environmental factors are more improtant{sp} than genetic factors.

TOEFL listening discussions: What problem does the student have?
Luschen
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