#2 (permalink) Wed Feb 08, 2012 5:12 am Re: an integrated essay. (please correct it) |
|
|
Hi, your grammar is good, but I sort of lost track of your structure or the points you were trying to make around the middle of your essay - after "intellectual levels". You recovered near the end, so I was able to figure out what you were trying to say.
| Scientist_A wrote: |
In the reading passage it is mentioned that researchers believe that nature and nurture both play a great role in the development of [the] personalit[ies] of twins. They discuss both identical (monozygotic) and fraternal (dizygotic) twins. And researchers debate that which aspect{comma} nature or inheritance{comma} [is] more significant for twins. But in the listening passage the professor emhasizes{sp} that she does not believe the usefulness of this research.{"does not believe this research is useful" sounds more natural} She mentions that there are some assumptions that are questionable. In the reading passage it is underlined that identical twins have more similiraties{sp} than others{this sounds like you are say "than other identical twins"}. If even they will be seperated different environment and grow seperately they show many simiralities. {Even if they are separated and grow up in different environments, they still show many similarities} It means that genetics plays a great role on[with] these twins. Moreover, it is also argued that with the help of this theory they can calculate the physical desorders{sp} or understanding of music or intellectual levels of twins. But in the listening passage the professor mentions the similar environment problem. {this is unclear - what is a "similar environment problem"?}She debates that both identical and fraternal twins live in the same life conditions. They do the same activities {comma} for example the same school activities. So the professor highlightes{sp} that if the identical twins want to eat the same icecream{two words} or to wear the same clothes by themselves it can be the result of heredity. On the other hand the professor metions{sp} that everybody around the identical twins even their family members suggest [to] them the same things or activities. {this sentence makes sense, but the two or three before this one were confusing to me} Everybody wants to see them in the same situation. Thus the professor mentions that because of the pressure[influence] of the environment the personality of identical twins developes{sp} similarly. In this situation environmental factors are more improtant{sp} than genetic factors.
TOEFL listening discussions: What problem does the student have? |
|
|
Luschen I'm a Communicator ;-)

Joined: 08 Apr 2011 Posts: 2135 Location: Nashville TN, USA
|