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The affects of human activity on the Earth!



 
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The affects of human activity on the Earth! #1 (permalink) Fri Feb 10, 2012 19:16 pm   The affects of human activity on the Earth!
 

hi
Please rate my essay! I would appreciate that !


Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed by human activity. Others believe that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion ?

Nowadays human activity became of the global problems in the world. From my point of view, as a result of enhancing human activity our world changed entirely in a negative way . For instance, the number of natural catastrophes propagated such as earthquakes , tsunami . The names of animals and trees are rising day by day in red list.

As the evolution of technology the affects of human activity to the nature are multiplied and this continue to be. For example, if fishers in the past could catching only five hundred kilograms of fish a day , now they can catch more than five tons of fish with the help of advanced technology. In addition spreading number of industries has increased the emission of toxic gases to the atmosphere . Carbon dioxide which is one of these gases absorb sunlights that are coming to the Earth. As a result global warming occurs which lead to melting giant icebergs and rising the level of ocean. All things considered our Earth is being harmed a lot by human activity.

Also there are many factors of human activity that resulted in decreasing numbers of animals. Predominance of illegal hunting of animals is the main factor. We act like these animals will derivate as much as we hunt but it is not true. In addition , we cut the trees and diminish the place for animals to broad our comfort .Sometimes it makes me cry at watching all of these. Do you really think it is justice ?


In conclusion , I think it is time to take a serious decision. It is no doubt we can’t go any toward by continuously harming the Earth in this way . Also as you see paranormal activities are becoming ordinary events day by day . I am sure these are the results of human activity and it is time to stop and think for this for a while.

TOEFL listening lectures: How do botanists define a seed?
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Vuqar1.618
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Joined: 18 Feb 2011
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The affects of human activity on the Earth! #2 (permalink) Sat Feb 11, 2012 0:24 am   The affects of human activity on the Earth!
 

First, read this post about the proper use of "appreciate"/"appreciated". :)
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 6804
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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Re: The [e]ffects of human activity on the Earth! #3 (permalink) Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:34 am   Re: The [e]ffects of human activity on the Earth!
 

Hi, I enjoyed reading your essay. It was very convincing, but had a lot of grammatical errors and some phrases that did not make sense to me. I rewrote your thesis statement because is was confusing to me. I would rate this essay a 3 out of 5.

Vuqar1.618 wrote:
hi
Please rate my essay! I would appreciate that !


Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed by human activity. Others believe that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion ?

Nowadays human activity became [has become the cause] of the global problems in the world. From my point of view, as a result of enhancing{enhancing is not quite right here - maybe "increasing"} human activity our world [has] changed entirely in a negative way . For instance, the number of natural catastrophes propagated such as earthquakes , tsunami . {this is not a complete sentences} The names of animals and trees are rising day by day in red list. {red list is endangared species list} { From my point of view, as a result of increasing human activity, our world has changed entirely in a negative way . Human actions have increased the number of natural catastrophes such as earthquakes and tsunamis and have caused the number of endangered animal and plant species to rise day by day.}

As the evolution of technology [evolves] the [e]ffects of human activity to the[on] nature are multiplied and this [trend] continue[s ] to be. For example, if fishers in the past could catching only five hundred kilograms of fish a day , now they can catch more than five tons of fish with the help of advanced technology. In addition [the] spreading number of industries has increased the emission of toxic gases to the atmosphere . Carbon dioxide which is one of these gases absorb[s ] sunlights that are[is] coming to the Earth. As a result global warming occurs which lead[s ] to melting giant icebergs and rising [ocean levels] the level of ocean. All things considered our Earth is being harmed a lot by human activity.

Also there are many factors of human activity that [have] resulted in [a] decreasing numbers of animals. Predominance of illegal hunting of animals is the main factor. We act like these animals will derivate as much[propagate as fast] as we hunt but it is not true. In addition , we cut the trees and diminish the place[s ] for animals to broad our comfort{"broad our comfort" does not make sense} .Sometimes it makes me cry at[when] watching all of these. Do you really think it is justice ?


In conclusion , I think it is time to take[make] a serious decision. It[There] is no doubt we can’t go any toward[forward] by continuously harming the Earth in this way . Also as you see paranormal[extraordinary] {paranormal means ghosts, spirits, etc.} activities are becoming ordinary events day by day . I am sure these are the results of human activity and it is time to stop and think for["on" or "about"] this for a while.

TOEFL listening lectures: How do botanists define a seed?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 6804
Location: Nashville TN, USA

Re: The [e]ffects of human activity on the Earth! #4 (permalink) Thu Mar 01, 2012 13:36 pm   Re: The [e]ffects of human activity on the Earth!
 

Luschen wrote:
Hi, I enjoyed reading your essay. It was very convincing, but had a lot of grammatical errors and some phrases that did not make sense to me. I rewrote your thesis statement because is was confusing to me. I would rate this essay a 3 out of 5.

Vuqar1.618 wrote:
hi
Please rate my essay! I would appreciate that !


Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed by human activity. Others believe that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion ?

Nowadays human activity became [has become the cause] of the global problems in the world. From my point of view, as a result of enhancing{enhancing is not quite right here - maybe "increasing"} human activity our world [has] changed entirely in a negative way . For instance, the number of natural catastrophes propagated such as earthquakes , tsunami . {this is not a complete sentences} The names of animals and trees are rising day by day in red list. {red list is endangared species list} { From my point of view, as a result of increasing human activity, our world has changed entirely in a negative way . Human actions have increased the number of natural catastrophes such as earthquakes and tsunamis and have caused the number of endangered animal and plant species to rise day by day.}

As the evolution of technology [evolves] the [e]ffects of human activity to the[on] nature are multiplied and this [trend] continue[s ] to be. For example, if fishers in the past could catching only five hundred kilograms of fish a day , now they can catch more than five tons of fish with the help of advanced technology. In addition [the] spreading number of industries has increased the emission of toxic gases to the atmosphere . Carbon dioxide which is one of these gases absorb[s ] sunlights that are[is] coming to the Earth. As a result global warming occurs which lead[s ] to melting giant icebergs and rising [ocean levels] the level of ocean. All things considered our Earth is being harmed a lot by human activity.

Also there are many factors of human activity that [have] resulted in [a] decreasing numbers of animals. Predominance of illegal hunting of animals is the main factor. We act like these animals will derivate as much[propagate as fast] as we hunt but it is not true. In addition , we cut the trees and diminish the place[s ] for animals to broad our comfort{"broad our comfort" does not make sense} .Sometimes it makes me cry at[when] watching all of these. Do you really think it is justice ?


In conclusion , I think it is time to take[make] a serious decision. It[There] is no doubt we can’t go any toward[forward] by continuously harming the Earth in this way . Also as you see paranormal[extraordinary] {paranormal means ghosts, spirits, etc.} activities are becoming ordinary events day by day . I am sure these are the results of human activity and it is time to stop and think for["on" or "about"] this for a while.

TOEFL listening lectures: How do botanists define a seed?


Thank you Luschen for your help.It was my old essay.I really appreciate your help
_________________
Life is a mystery and you should reveal that in order to achieve happiness in this world.
Vuqar1.618
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 18 Feb 2011
Posts: 111
Location: Azerbaijan

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