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 #2 (permalink) Sat Feb 11, 2012 0:24 am The affects of human activity on the Earth! |
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| First, read this post about the proper use of "appreciate"/"appreciated". :) |
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 4922
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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| #3 (permalink) Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:34 am Re: The [e]ffects of human activity on the Earth! |
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Hi, I enjoyed reading your essay. It was very convincing, but had a lot of grammatical errors and some phrases that did not make sense to me. I rewrote your thesis statement because is was confusing to me. I would rate this essay a 3 out of 5.
| Vuqar1.618 wrote: |
hi
Please rate my essay! I would appreciate that !
Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed by human activity. Others believe that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion ?
Nowadays human activity became [has become the cause] of the global problems in the world. From my point of view, as a result of enhancing{enhancing is not quite right here - maybe "increasing"} human activity our world [has] changed entirely in a negative way . For instance, the number of natural catastrophes propagated such as earthquakes , tsunami . {this is not a complete sentences} The names of animals and trees are rising day by day in red list. {red list is endangared species list} { From my point of view, as a result of increasing human activity, our world has changed entirely in a negative way . Human actions have increased the number of natural catastrophes such as earthquakes and tsunamis and have caused the number of endangered animal and plant species to rise day by day.}
As the evolution of technology [evolves] the [e]ffects of human activity to the[on] nature are multiplied and this [trend] continue[s ] to be. For example, if fishers in the past could catching only five hundred kilograms of fish a day , now they can catch more than five tons of fish with the help of advanced technology. In addition [the] spreading number of industries has increased the emission of toxic gases to the atmosphere . Carbon dioxide which is one of these gases absorb[s ] sunlights that are[is] coming to the Earth. As a result global warming occurs which lead[s ] to melting giant icebergs and rising [ocean levels] the level of ocean. All things considered our Earth is being harmed a lot by human activity.
Also there are many factors of human activity that [have] resulted in [a] decreasing numbers of animals. Predominance of illegal hunting of animals is the main factor. We act like these animals will derivate as much[propagate as fast] as we hunt but it is not true. In addition , we cut the trees and diminish the place[s ] for animals to broad our comfort{"broad our comfort" does not make sense} .Sometimes it makes me cry at[when] watching all of these. Do you really think it is justice ?
In conclusion , I think it is time to take[make] a serious decision. It[There] is no doubt we can’t go any toward[forward] by continuously harming the Earth in this way . Also as you see paranormal[extraordinary] {paranormal means ghosts, spirits, etc.} activities are becoming ordinary events day by day . I am sure these are the results of human activity and it is time to stop and think for["on" or "about"] this for a while.
TOEFL listening lectures: How do botanists define a seed? |
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Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 4922
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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| #4 (permalink) Thu Mar 01, 2012 13:36 pm Re: The [e]ffects of human activity on the Earth! |
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| Luschen wrote: |
Hi, I enjoyed reading your essay. It was very convincing, but had a lot of grammatical errors and some phrases that did not make sense to me. I rewrote your thesis statement because is was confusing to me. I would rate this essay a 3 out of 5.
| Vuqar1.618 wrote: |
hi
Please rate my essay! I would appreciate that !
Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed by human activity. Others believe that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion ?
Nowadays human activity became [has become the cause] of the global problems in the world. From my point of view, as a result of enhancing{enhancing is not quite right here - maybe "increasing"} human activity our world [has] changed entirely in a negative way . For instance, the number of natural catastrophes propagated such as earthquakes , tsunami . {this is not a complete sentences} The names of animals and trees are rising day by day in red list. {red list is endangared species list} { From my point of view, as a result of increasing human activity, our world has changed entirely in a negative way . Human actions have increased the number of natural catastrophes such as earthquakes and tsunamis and have caused the number of endangered animal and plant species to rise day by day.}
As the evolution of technology [evolves] the [e]ffects of human activity to the[on] nature are multiplied and this [trend] continue[s ] to be. For example, if fishers in the past could catching only five hundred kilograms of fish a day , now they can catch more than five tons of fish with the help of advanced technology. In addition [the] spreading number of industries has increased the emission of toxic gases to the atmosphere . Carbon dioxide which is one of these gases absorb[s ] sunlights that are[is] coming to the Earth. As a result global warming occurs which lead[s ] to melting giant icebergs and rising [ocean levels] the level of ocean. All things considered our Earth is being harmed a lot by human activity.
Also there are many factors of human activity that [have] resulted in [a] decreasing numbers of animals. Predominance of illegal hunting of animals is the main factor. We act like these animals will derivate as much[propagate as fast] as we hunt but it is not true. In addition , we cut the trees and diminish the place[s ] for animals to broad our comfort{"broad our comfort" does not make sense} .Sometimes it makes me cry at[when] watching all of these. Do you really think it is justice ?
In conclusion , I think it is time to take[make] a serious decision. It[There] is no doubt we can’t go any toward[forward] by continuously harming the Earth in this way . Also as you see paranormal[extraordinary] {paranormal means ghosts, spirits, etc.} activities are becoming ordinary events day by day . I am sure these are the results of human activity and it is time to stop and think for["on" or "about"] this for a while.
TOEFL listening lectures: How do botanists define a seed? |
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Thank you Luschen for your help.It was my old essay.I really appreciate your help
_________________
Life is a mystery and you should reveal that in order to achieve happiness in this world. |
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Vuqar1.618
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 18 Feb 2011
Posts: 111
Location: Azerbaijan
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| Please check my essay and rate it. Thank you. | Which one is easier IELTS or TOEFL®? |
