please correct my essay! thanks very much!!

[KevinDJ]

Topic: People attend school for many different reasons (for example, expanded knowledge, societal awareness, and enhanced interpersonal relationships). Why do you think people decide to go to school? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Task
Nowadays, society more and more develops and requires more knowledgable people. That accounts for the fact that people now make a decision to go to school. In my opinion, more and more people decide to go to school because of their bright future, gaining knowledge and social status later.
First of all, studying brings us a bright future. People go to school in the hope of having a bright future or at least a good life later. For instance, students go to universities with the hope that they can accumulate the knowledge in order to become a doctor, an engineer or find a job they can make ends meet on at least.
Next, people go to school to gain more knowledge. At school, we will be convey the knowledge not only about the nature around us but also about how to behave in our society. That is the most important factor that we need to survive in the human society. If we have a good behavior, we will be respected.
Finally, people go to school for their social status. Your education determines your social status. The higer your level of education is, the higher your social status is. More and more education you have helps you become important people in many fields. For example, if you study economics , you can become master’s degree, a PhD of economics or even a professor of economics.
In concusion, going to school is a right decision in the market economy world today. To survive in this society, you can do nothing but study. Only studying can help you gain knowledge, have a bright future and high social status

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a dorm mother and a resident

[Luschen]

Hi, you have written a pretty good essay. A little repetitive at points and your grammar and vocabulary could be a bit better, but I liked your structure and arguments.