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hi everybody. can you evaluate my integrated writing essay? thank you so much



 
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hi everybody. can you evaluate my integrated writing essay? thank you so much #1 (permalink) Tue Feb 28, 2012 16:40 pm   hi everybody. can you evaluate my integrated writing essay? thank you so much
 

External versus Internal Hiring

The reading passage says that external hiring is a good thing for companies and provides various positive reasons for significance of external hiring. On the other hand, the professor states that internal hiring brings diverse advantages for companies. Also he claims that external hiring can affect companies adversely by explaining its some negative sides.
To begin with, the reading passage states that external employee sees things with a new perspective. Otherwise, the professor claims that the new perspective is wrong and results from a conflict in managerial team, because workers can not settle with this new perspective. In addition, he posits that internal employee already knows the rules of company and its tradition.
Furthermore, the reading passage explains that external employee is cheaper than internal employee because of cost of job training. By the contrary, the professor posits that external employee needs to build his/her relationship among the workers which means loosing of time and productivity. Thus company might lose a lot of money due to this reason. As far as professor concerned that training an internal employee while working could probably be cheaper than hiring an external employee.
Finally, the reading passage claims that external employee can bring new contacts that will provide new opportunities for the company, where he works. On the other hand, the professor states that the internal employee is already veteran worker in his/her field and has many contacts with costumers, suppliers and technicians.Therefore, this is an advantage for company. Moreover, he says that if the company doesn t promote the internal employee, he/she will leave the job and take his/her all contacts with him/her.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why did the professor ask to see the student?
Bienvenue
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 02 Feb 2012
Posts: 45

Re: hi everybody. can you evaluate my integrated writing essay? thank you so much #2 (permalink) Wed Feb 29, 2012 15:09 pm   Re: hi everybody. can you evaluate my integrated writing essay? thank you so much
 

Hi, pretty good writing. I don't really like your "internal/external employee" terminology. Did they use this in the reading and/or listening passages?

Bienvenue wrote:
External versus Internal Hiring

The reading passage says that external hiring is a good thing for companies and [it] provides various positive reasons for [the] significance of external hiring. On the other hand, the professor states that internal hiring brings diverse advantages for companies. Also he claims that external hiring can affect companies adversely by explaining its some[and explains some of its]{in your original sentence it sounded like his explaining is what is affecting the companies} negative sides.
To begin with, the reading passage states that [an] external employee{he is not an employee if he is external - maybe "external hire" or "employee who came from outside the company"} sees things with a new perspective. Otherwise,[In contrast] the professor claims that the new perspective is wrong and results from a conflict in managerial team, because workers can not settle with this new perspective.{this sentence is unclear} In addition, he posits that [the] internal employee already knows the rules of company and its tradition.
Furthermore, the reading passage explains that [an] external employee is cheaper than [an] internal employee because of [the] cost of job training. By[On] the contrary, the professor posits that [an] external employee needs to build his/her relationship among the workers which means loosing[the loss]{or "means losing time ..."} of time and productivity. Thus [the] company might lose a lot of money due to this reason. As far as [the] professor [is] concerned that[,] training an internal employee while [they are] working could probably be cheaper than hiring an external employee.
Finally, the reading passage claims that [an] external employee can bring new contacts that will provide new opportunities for the company, where he [now] works. On the other hand, the professor states that the internal employee is already [a] veteran worker in his/her field and has many contacts with costumers{sp}, suppliers and technicians.Therefore, this is an advantage for company. Moreover, he says that if the company doesn t promote the internal employee, he/she will leave the job and take his/her all [his/her]contacts with him/her.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why did the professor ask to see the student?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 6528
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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hi everybody. can you evaluate my integrated writing essay? thank you so much #3 (permalink) Wed Feb 29, 2012 22:41 pm   hi everybody. can you evaluate my integrated writing essay? thank you so much
 

it is of course not correct terminology. I just wrote them as internal and external employee. This is benefical information for me Luschen. I thank you so much. By the way, in spite of all the misspelled words and some deficent, what is the grade of my essay? Can you score it?
Bienvenue
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 02 Feb 2012
Posts: 45

hi everybody. can you evaluate my integrated writing essay? thank you so much #4 (permalink) Sat Mar 03, 2012 5:14 am   hi everybody. can you evaluate my integrated writing essay? thank you so much
 

Hi Bienvenue, I can't tell if you got all the facts correctly without the link to the reading and listening passage, but I would rate your writing quality a 3 out of 5.
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 6528
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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