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Please check my essay. Thank you!



 
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Fourth essay .. i wish to have 4.5 , will i ?? | please check my rate my essay on "Actions speak louder than word
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Please check my essay. Thank you! #1 (permalink) Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:43 pm   Please check my essay. Thank you!
 

Satisfaction in your job is more important than the money you earn.

All people are working during all they lives in order to earn money. Most of them work for an employer, some are self-employed and others just work as freelance. While money is still the prime measure of the welfare and the main purpose of people`s lives, I am thoroughly convince that it is essential to find a job that provides you with real satisfaction because of several reasons.

First of all, as far as I am concerned, the job that you detest is like a penal servitude even if it is a well-paid one. Usually this job is rather uninteresting, exhausting or repetitive, and you just waiting all day long when it will finish and looking forward to escape from it as soon as you can. In my opinion, when you do not enjoy your job you slack your work and perform the task unwillingly; therefore, you will never get new skills and experiences, moreover, you will never be promoted and , as a result, never achieve a success in this profession.

Secondly, an enjoyable work sometimes provides more satisfaction than money does. Selecting work that you really like, you can spend your time on this rather than on something you would rather not do, regardless of such consideration as salary. The most important point is that intrinsic rewards such as satisfaction are more important than extrinsic rewards like pay. Take, for instance, a journalist whose mission is to observe the latest events in the world. The main purpose of his work is to become noted and celebrated, but not rich.

Furthermore, an enjoyable job gives an opportunity to achieve a success, and no matter is it money, fame or outstanding achievement. If you are carried away by your occupation, you are ready to work hard and to do your best to get good results. The most important point is that high qualification, profound knowledge and wide experience – are the components that lead you to success in attaining you personal goal. I contend that by enjoying your work and being more productive, you can earn and go further in your chosen profession or occupation than you would otherwise have done.

In conclusion, I believe that satisfaction in a job is of paramount importance. However, for some people economical benefits can become the key point of live. Nevertheless, it is more essential to choose a work that you enjoy, than a less enjoyable one, even if there you can have a high wage.

TOEFL listening discussions: What is the main weakness of the student's essay?
Katarinka
New Member


Joined: 29 Feb 2012
Posts: 9
Location: Saint-Petersburg

Re: Please check my essay. Thank you! #2 (permalink) Thu Mar 01, 2012 4:27 am   Re: Please check my essay. Thank you!
 

Hi, another excellent essay, but not quite as good as your previous one. A few minor grammatical errors, but I would still rate it a 4.5 out of 5.

Katarinka wrote:
Satisfaction in your job is more important than the money you earn.

All people are working{"all people must work" sounds better} during all the[ir] lives in order to earn money. Most of them work for an employer, some are self-employed and others just work as [a] freelance[r] {or "just work freelance"}. While money is still the prime measure of the[ir] welfare and the main purpose of people`s lives, I am thoroughly convince[d ] that it is essential to find a job that provides you with real satisfaction because of several reasons.

First of all, as far as I am concerned, the job that you detest is like a penal servitude even if it is a well-paid one. Usually this job is rather uninteresting, exhausting or repetitive, and you [are] just waiting all day long [for] when it will finish and looking forward to escape from it as soon as you can. In my opinion, when you do not enjoy your job you slack [off on] your work and perform the task unwillingly; therefore, you will never get new skills and experiences, {new sentence} moreover, you will never be promoted and ,{no comma here} as a result, never achieve a success in this profession.

Secondly, an enjoyable work{"Secondly, enjoyable word" or better, "Secondly, an enjoyable career"} sometimes provides more satisfaction than money does. Selecting work that you really like, you can spend your time on this rather than on something you would rather not do, regardless of such consideration[s ] as salary. The most important point is that intrinsic rewards such as satisfaction are more important than extrinsic rewards like pay. Take, for instance, a journalist whose mission is to observe the latest events in the world. The main purpose of his work is to become noted and celebrated, but not rich.

Furthermore, an enjoyable job gives an opportunity to achieve a success, and no matter [if] is it money, fame or outstanding achievement. If you are carried away by your occupation, you are ready to work hard and to do your best to get good results. The most important point is that high qualification, profound knowledge and wide experience –{no hyphen} are the components that lead you to success in attaining you[r ] personal goal. I contend that by enjoying your work and being more productive, you can earn and go further in your chosen profession or occupation than you would otherwise have done.

In conclusion, I believe that satisfaction in a job is of paramount importance. However, for some people economical {economically means inexpensive or good value} benefits can become the key point of li[fe]. Nevertheless, it is more essential to choose a work that you enjoy,{no comma} than a less enjoyable one, even if there you can have a high wage.

TOEFL listening discussions: What is the main weakness of the student's essay?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 7032
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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Please check my essay. Thank you! #3 (permalink) Thu Mar 01, 2012 22:21 pm   Please check my essay. Thank you!
 

Lushen, thank you so much for taking the trouble to checked my essay!
I will be trying to wright better)
Katarinka
New Member


Joined: 29 Feb 2012
Posts: 9
Location: Saint-Petersburg

Please check my essay. Thank you! #4 (permalink) Fri Mar 02, 2012 0:33 am   Please check my essay. Thank you!
 

Sorry, I can't resist:

Lus[c]hen, thank you so much for taking the trouble to checked my essay!
I will be trying to wright[write] better)
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 7032
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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