Google
English-Test.net
Find penpals and make new friends today!
 
disposed to find fault; picky; narrow-minded
maudlin
devious
improvident
captious
full quiz correct answer
 
Username
Password
 Remember me? 
Search   Album   FAQ   Memberlist   Profile   Private messages   Register   Log in 

Please, grade my integrated essay.



 
TOEFL Practice tests Increase your TOEFL test score with
120 Vocabulary + 100 Grammar tests
600 TOEFL flashcards plus an ESL book
ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFLŪ Test and essay samples collection
please check my essay... thank you | please check my essay.thank you
listening exercisestell a friend
Message
Author
Please, grade my integrated essay. #1 (permalink) Fri Mar 02, 2012 19:20 pm   Please, grade my integrated essay.
 

I have some difficulties with this essay. Could you check it and grade.

Reading

The Out of Africa hypothesis, also called the replacement hypothesis, contends that modern humans originated in Africa, probably from a common ancestor. From there, they migrated to other regions, eventually replacing the populations of Neanderthals and other groups of earlier humans that may have survived.
Geneticists who support the replacement hypothesis argue that the similarities shared by all of the modern human populations confirm the existence of a common gene pool, and perhaps even one common female ancestor. They point to the fact that many modern human traits have evolved within the past 200,000 years as evidence of the replacement hypothesis. Furthermore, they cite studies of DNA in cell structures called mitochondria, which codes most of the inherited traits from ancestors. Most of these studies demonstrate that the diversity among human populations is very small as compared with other species. They conclude that there was only one small population from which all other populations descended. From their point of view, the evidence supports the theory that modern humans migrated from a relatively small area in Africa almost 150,000 years ago, moving along a route through the Middle East 100,000 years ago, and slowly populating regions throughout the world by displacing the communities of less developed humanlike species that they encountered.
Paleoanthropologists concede that, to date, the oldest fossil remains of modern Homo sapiens have been found in Africa, with the next oldest dicovered in the Middle East. European fossils are dated at about 50,000 years after the African fossils. Thus, it would appear that the replacement hypothesis is substantiared by archaeological evidence.

Listening

Okay, today I want to talk about a hypothesis that explains where humans might have evolved and how they might have migrated around the world. It's an alternative hypothesis to the replacement hypothesis that you read about earlier. It's called the multiregional hypothesis but I've also heard it referred to as the continuity hypothesis. Now, according to the scientists who support this view, modern humans spread throughout Euroasia about a million year ago and regional populations retained some unique anatomical features for hundreds of thousands of years, but they also exchanged some inherited traits with neighboring populations when they mated with them. And we call this exchange of traits gene flow.
So through this gene flow, certain characteristics that we consider crucial to modern mankind were inherited, as, for example, an increase in brain size with an accompanying change in the skull. And... and this gene flow resulted in the evolution of the early humans whose remains are found throughout Europe and Asia as well as Africa.
Now, scientists who support this theory contend that the populations that migrated were linked by gene flow so that the features that all people have in common spread throughout the world. The relatively slight differences among modern people would have been caused by hundreds of thousands of years of regional evolution. But actually, researchers who support the continuity hypothesis tend to focus on the genetic similarities among human populations world-wide, not the differences. We're really amazingly similar as a spicies. And the fossils of archaic and modern humans in some regions do suggest a continuous evolution in regional traits, like the cheekbone structure, for example, which is further evidence that modern humans may have evolved over a broad area among multiple groups of human ancestors.

Summarize the major points in the reading and explain how the lecture casts doubt on those points.

The reading passage presents the replacement hypothesis, which is also called the Out of Africa hypothesis. It explains the human migration patterns. The lecture, however, casts doubt on several points made in the reading passage.

To begin with, according to the replacement hypothesis, modern humans came from Africa and have one ancestor. Then, they moved to other areas and replaced the less evolved population. However, the lecture casts doubt on this hypothesis and proposes an alternative hypothesis which is called multiregional. According to this hypothesis, modern humans migrated to Europe and Asia and mixed with the regional population that obtained some unique characteristics. As a result, they exchanged some traits with the local population. This exchange of traits is called gene flow and has genetic similarity with modern human beings.

The reading passage also states that the replacement hypothesis is proved by geneticists. DNA research confirms that humans have a large number of genetic traits in common. Moreover, human population does not have such variety as species have. However, the continuity theory asserts that human beings are similar to speices.

Finally, it is said in the reading that according to paleonthropologists, the oldest fossils of human beings are found in Africa. Nevertheless, the lecturer sites that the modern human fossils are found in Europe, Asia and Africa.

TOEFL listening lectures: What aspect of USA Today does the professor mainly discuss?
Maria1212
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 25 Jan 2012
Posts: 24
Location: Switzerland

Re: Please, grade my integrated essay. #2 (permalink) Sat Mar 03, 2012 3:35 am   Re: Please, grade my integrated essay.
 

Hi, this seems like a very tough subject. Your answer was very good grammatically, but I felt it was a little off on some of the facts. I have added my own sentences to fill in what I thought were some of the gaps.

Maria1212 wrote:
I have some difficulties with this essay. Could you check it and grade.

Reading

The Out of Africa hypothesis, also called the replacement hypothesis, contends that modern humans originated in Africa, probably from a common ancestor. From there, they migrated to other regions, eventually replacing the populations of Neanderthals and other groups of earlier humans that may have survived.
Geneticists who support the replacement hypothesis argue that the similarities shared by all of the modern human populations confirm the existence of a common gene pool, and perhaps even one common female ancestor. They point to the fact that many modern human traits have evolved within the past 200,000 years as evidence of the replacement hypothesis. Furthermore, they cite studies of DNA in cell structures called mitochondria, which codes most of the inherited traits from ancestors. Most of these studies demonstrate that the diversity among human populations is very small as compared with other species. They conclude that there was only one small population from which all other populations descended. From their point of view, the evidence supports the theory that modern humans migrated from a relatively small area in Africa almost 150,000 years ago, moving along a route through the Middle East 100,000 years ago, and slowly populating regions throughout the world by displacing the communities of less developed humanlike species that they encountered.
Paleoanthropologists concede that, to date, the oldest fossil remains of modern Homo sapiens have been found in Africa, with the next oldest dicovered in the Middle East. European fossils are dated at about 50,000 years after the African fossils. Thus, it would appear that the replacement hypothesis is substantiared by archaeological evidence.

Listening

Okay, today I want to talk about a hypothesis that explains where humans might have evolved and how they might have migrated around the world. It's an alternative hypothesis to the replacement hypothesis that you read about earlier. It's called the multiregional hypothesis but I've also heard it referred to as the continuity hypothesis. Now, according to the scientists who support this view, modern humans spread throughout Euroasia about a million year ago and regional populations retained some unique anatomical features for hundreds of thousands of years, but they also exchanged some inherited traits with neighboring populations when they mated with them. And we call this exchange of traits gene flow.
So through this gene flow, certain characteristics that we consider crucial to modern mankind were inherited, as, for example, an increase in brain size with an accompanying change in the skull. And... and this gene flow resulted in the evolution of the early humans whose remains are found throughout Europe and Asia as well as Africa.
Now, scientists who support this theory contend that the populations that migrated were linked by gene flow so that the features that all people have in common spread throughout the world. The relatively slight differences among modern people would have been caused by hundreds of thousands of years of regional evolution. But actually, researchers who support the continuity hypothesis tend to focus on the genetic similarities among human populations world-wide, not the differences. We're really amazingly similar as a spicies. And the fossils of archaic and modern humans in some regions do suggest a continuous evolution in regional traits, like the cheekbone structure, for example, which is further evidence that modern humans may have evolved over a broad area among multiple groups of human ancestors.

Summarize the major points in the reading and explain how the lecture casts doubt on those points.

The reading passage presents the replacement hypothesis, which is also called the Out of Africa hypothesis. It explains the human migration patterns. The lecture, however, casts doubt on several points made in the reading passage. { you need to state the main point: that the replacement hypothesis says humans did not leave Africa until 150,000 years ago, then spread out to colonize the world, while the lecture says that humans left Africa much earlier, one million years ago, then slowly developed into a common population via gene flow. I think the time difference is important}

To begin with, according to the replacement hypothesis, modern humans came from Africa and have one ancestor. Then, they moved to other areas and replaced the less evolved population. However, the lecture casts doubt on this hypothesis and proposes an alternative hypothesis which is called multiregional. According to this hypothesis, modern humans migrated to Europe and Asia and [then these regional populations] mixed [together via gene flow] until they all shared common characteristics] [These common characteristics are what make us modern mankind] with the regional population that obtained some unique characteristics. As a result, they exchanged some traits with the local population. This exchange of traits is called gene flow and has genetic similarity with modern human beings.

The reading passage also states that the replacement hypothesis is proved by geneticists. DNA research confirms that humans have a large number of genetic traits in common. The replacement hypothesis explains this by stating there was one small surviving population from which all people descended. The multiregional hypotheis in the listening passage on the other hand says the similarity in DNA is explained by the gene flow between regional populations Moreover, human population does not have such variety as species have. However, the continuity theory asserts that human beings are similar to speices.

Finally, it is said in the reading that according to paleonthropologists, the oldest fossils of human beings are found in Africa [with the European fossils dating 50,000 years later]. Nevertheless, the lecturer sites that the modern human fossils are found in Europe, Asia and Africa [and show that regional traits evolved separately, supporting the multiregional hypothesis].

TOEFL listening lectures: What aspect of USA Today does the professor mainly discuss?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 6787
Location: Nashville TN, USA

TOEFL Prep Tests — Increase your Score with 120 free TOEFL Vocabulary TestsTOEFL Study Guide Guaranteed to Raise TOEFL scores without weeks and months of studying — View the Free ReportTOEFL Test Package — Learn the most difficult TOEFL vocabulary words you need to pass the TOEFL with these vocabulary tests and this unique flash card systemSign up for FREE and explore English! Click to subscribe to email English course
Please, grade my integrated essay. #3 (permalink) Sat Mar 03, 2012 12:47 pm   Please, grade my integrated essay.
 

I'm agree with you.Thank you!
Maria1212
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 25 Jan 2012
Posts: 24
Location: Switzerland

Display posts from previous:   
please check my essay... thank you | please check my essay.thank you
ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFLŪ Test and essay samples collection All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Page 1 of 1
Latest topics on TOEFL Test Forums
Please check my essay.Your comments are really helpful.please check and rate my essay,thank you very much!kindly check essay and grade it. Man is born free, but every where he is in chainplease check my essay... thank youkindly check and grade the essay... hope is the buoy of life...please check and grade my essay--- self done is well done...Please check my 2nd essay.Thank you so much :)please check my essay and rate it.I will appreciate your help!Scratch paper & instructions timePlease rate my essay..thank you very much!Please check my 3rd essayPlease check my 2nd essayplease check and rate my essay on: solving problem on your own vs. governmen help

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Subscribe to FREE email English course
First name E-mail