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Can you help with a sentence?



 
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Can you help with a sentence? #1 (permalink) Thu Mar 08, 2012 15:43 pm   Can you help with a sentence?
 

Two workshops were held, one on March 3 the other one a week earlier. Just to provide some context.

“Fifteen parents of handicapped children were acquainted with basal stimulation at a workshop held on Saturday, March 3…

Thanks to the OCA Charity Fund, a week before the parents, 15 social service workers, special educators, and nurses had received the same training on the last weekend in February.”

Is the second sentence OK as it is or would you suggest any changes?

For example:

Thanks to the OCA Charity Fund, 15 social service workers, special educators, and nurses had received the same training on the last weekend in February, a week before the parents.”

Thanks a lot
MartinC
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Joined: 01 Mar 2012
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Can you help with a sentence? #2 (permalink) Thu Mar 08, 2012 15:52 pm   Can you help with a sentence?
 

The original sentence is clumsy and easy to misread. Your alternative is better. I would personally delete the comma after "educators". You also have inconsistency there between "Fifteen" and "15".
Dozy
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Can you help with a sentence? #3 (permalink) Thu Mar 08, 2012 15:55 pm   Can you help with a sentence?
 

Thanks Dozy for help.
MartinC
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Joined: 01 Mar 2012
Posts: 6

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