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Please, check my integrated essay.



 
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ESL Forums | Preparation for and help with the TOEFLŪ Test and essay samples collection
please check my essay. I really had hard time writing it. Thanks in advance. | Please check my essay! (2)
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Please, check my integrated essay. #1 (permalink) Thu Mar 08, 2012 16:50 pm   Please, check my integrated essay.
 

I have another one essay. Could you check it, please.
Sorry, that without the text and the lecture.

In this set of materials, the reading passage talks about strategic business alliances, and the listening passage provides an extended example of one case study of a strategic alliance.

According to the reading, strategic alliances, nowadays, are very important in ensuring success. While a merger or venture creates a separate business, strategic alliances remain independent organizations and at the same time cooperate in achieving mutual goals. It is also said in the reading that sharing resources between companies brings mutual benefits. In addition, one of the main advantages of strategic alliances is that they can be very fast established and also fast liquidated

According to the lecture, an example of a strategic alliance is the relationships between U.S Postal Service and Federal Express. By allowing Fed Ex to place its boxes at the offices, the Postal Service is permitted to buy space on the Fed Ex airplanes. Due to this excnange, both companies are benefited. Furthermore, sharing web site is caused a large Internet presence of both companies.

TOEFL listening lectures: What does DNA analysis reveal about the domestication of horses?
Maria1212
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 25 Jan 2012
Posts: 24
Location: Switzerland

Re: Please, check my integrated essay. #2 (permalink) Fri Mar 09, 2012 3:23 am   Re: Please, check my integrated essay.
 

Sounds good, only a few minor grammatical mistakes.

Maria1212 wrote:
I have another one essay. Could you check it, please.
Sorry, that without the text and the lecture.

In this set of materials, the reading passage talks about strategic business alliances, and the listening passage provides an extended example of one case study of a strategic alliance.

According to the reading, strategic alliances,{no comma} nowadays,{no comma} are very important in ensuring success. While a merger or venture creates a separate business, strategic alliances remain[retain the] independent organizations and[while] at the same time [they] cooperate in achieving mutual goals. It is also said in the reading that sharing resources between companies brings mutual benefits. In addition, one of the main advantages of strategic alliances is that they can be very fast[quickly - need an adverb here] established and also fast[quickly] liquidated

According to the lecture, an example of a strategic alliance is the relationships between U.S Postal Service and Federal Express. By allowing Fed Ex to place its boxes at the [post] offices, the Postal Service is permitted to buy space on the Fed Ex airplanes. Due to this excnange,{sp} both companies are benefited. Furthermore, sharing web site[s has] is caused a large Internet presence of[for] both companies.

TOEFL listening lectures: What does DNA analysis reveal about the domestication of horses?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 6528
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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Please, check my integrated essay. #3 (permalink) Fri Mar 09, 2012 14:18 pm   Please, check my integrated essay.
 

Thank you. I had today a test and I feel I failed it (
Maria1212
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 25 Jan 2012
Posts: 24
Location: Switzerland

Please, check my integrated essay. #4 (permalink) Fri Mar 09, 2012 14:28 pm   Please, check my integrated essay.
 

Oh no, what kind of test was it?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 6528
Location: Nashville TN, USA

Please, check my integrated essay. #5 (permalink) Fri Mar 09, 2012 19:55 pm   Please, check my integrated essay.
 

Toefl Test. And it was more difficult than I expected (. I think I have to pass it again.
Maria1212
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 25 Jan 2012
Posts: 24
Location: Switzerland

Please, check my integrated essay. #6 (permalink) Fri Mar 09, 2012 20:15 pm   Please, check my integrated essay.
 

What part did you think was most difficult? Were your essays as good as the ones you have posted here? I would like to know you final scores to see if I am grading too leniently.
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 6528
Location: Nashville TN, USA

Please, check my integrated essay. #7 (permalink) Fri Mar 09, 2012 21:48 pm   Please, check my integrated essay.
 

Reading was surprisingly difficult for me. Another problem is that I could not concentrate on the listening when my neighbours began the speaking part. Independent essay was enough simple. I think I wrote it not bad, but I had some problems with integrated essay. So, I am sure I will not get 100 points. I will let you know as soon as I recieve my scores. Thank you.
Maria1212
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 25 Jan 2012
Posts: 24
Location: Switzerland

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