TOEFL essay sample: People attend college or university for

[abbildung]

hello,

following torstens advice i have written my first essay for about 4 years. it would be great if someone could correct the errors. (maybe someone even could tell me how much points (1 to 5) i would receive for this essay?)

"People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer."

There are a variety of reasons for people to go to a college or university. In this essay I will point out some of the most important reasons.

In times where a lot of people are unemployed it’s really important to get the best education possible. Attending a college or university is an excellent way to achieve a high education and avoid getting unemployed.

Another important point for people going to a college or university is self-fulfillment. Some people have a great thirst for knowledge which only can be satisfied with high education. People within this group have the highest motivation and often u can find the best students among this group.
With every attended course and every passed exam they feel better and after graduation they are very proud of themselves and their achievements. This inner proud will last for the rest of their lives and will strengthen their self-confidence.

On the other hand I am quite sure that also a lot of people just study to increase their career chances. The motivation for people within this group are often certain material goods like houses or cars. I really doubt that studying for this reason is a good motivation because you won’t put your heart into the study.

The last reason I can imagine for people going to a college or university is because they are forced by their parents. Parents who graduated and are successful at their professions or even lead a successful business sometimes tend to project their views on their children. In extreme cases this can lead to the incident that the parents send their child to a university without asking the child what it wants to do. It may be possible that the child graduates because it doesn’t want to disappoint the parents but in most cases forcing someone to study is really a bad idea and wont work.

All in all I think studying for self-fulfillment is definitely the best motivation for a successful study.

[Alan]

Hi abbildung,

I have made some suggestions in CAPITAL LETTERS:

[abbildung]

Hello Alan,

thanks for your fast reply and your hint. and sorry for that "u"

[monstudy]

No.1. Being corrected or graded.

After many years studying have I asked myself, how many exams have I passed? May be 50 or more? I studied in foreign country at foreign language. The object of study concentrates on economics.
Anyway the grades are not excellent, say about at the average. I was just a student, not excellent but not very bad. With hindsight see it with another eyes. I should have better grades.
I studied not hard enough. I have to work to get my breads. Another factor was my scepticism about economic theory. Some one said me that at real world, at the work things go just another way, which at college discussed.
Third factor depends not on my ability. That is, I say “The Professor factor”. Some Professors prefer more explanations of the side from student by the exam (exam must be written at a form of essay so not just a test!). Another type sees at enough, if a student writes all the important catchwords.
So a student has to estimate that professor, which type is he or she. For me, it was most complicated factor. Sometimes I had a feeling, that I will be passed the exam with good grades. But in truth it could be worse. Someone I had a feeling, that I couldn’t have passed the exam absolutely. Surprisingly I passed! It is a very amazing history.
But I see the professors as bad, if they request from students to answer, as he explained it. Because is no theory perfect. So no Professor could explain the theory perfect. At least he gave us only his interpretation. So have I just recall or rewrite his meaning again to get an excellent grade?
I prefer the professors, which let the students write their own meaning, even though speculative or banal seems.
Fourth factor is soft skill. It means that the student should be persistent under time pressure. It couldn’t be that you waste your first 1/3 time to get you down. For foreigners is it much worse. You have to think it, interpret it, but you have to take care on aspect of stylistics.
In some countries could be it misused, if you are a foreigner and unhappily exits in this country a common view, that the foreigners are the main source of all social problems. Some professors have just another behaviour. They give a bonus if the student came from a foreign country.
Anyway you need a portion of luck. And if you a foreigner and studying in foreign country, study harder!
For me, I studied in another continent, from my homeland but no at English. Now I have to adventure the next big step - to learn English.

p.S: i would be very gladful, if some one give my some advice to write better at english