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Could you please correct my essay?... "Making your mark"



 
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Could you please correct my essay?... "Making your mark" #1 (permalink) Tue Apr 24, 2012 18:18 pm   Could you please correct my essay?... "Making your mark"
 

Hi, I know this topic is similar to the last one, but it's the third – and maybe the last- translated essay, however, I feel it's very weak because the translation is unpleasant process to me, I hope I can write from me mind later, although I who wrote these ones, but not in English.

Making your mark
You decide what happens to you. What happens to you is what you hope for or what you fear, that is, what you are thinking.

There is a common proverb in my country says, "He who fears the boogeyman, meets him", and you must meet your thoughts.

How many times you were walking in a street thinking in someone and suddenly you saw him? You saw him in your mind before seeing him by your eyes.

The winners in Olympiad imagine their victory and saw it by their minds before they achieve it, and this is what the sport specialists focus on, train their minds on victory.

You won't have your hope unless you get it in your mind. The great achievements started with small dreams. There is no luck. Luck is unexplainable ability to obtain on what you've been dreaming about.

Some gamblers, who their friends call them "the lucky"; have the ability to get the number they want many times. Why? Because they had it in their minds at first, they visualized it many times before, they have a strong will, no matter how many times they failed, but they still have the firm desire to achieve what is predetermined in their minds. Don't go away, how many things you wanted before and you have them now?... And be sure that what you have got now is what you told yourself before I would own it. And what you failed to obtain on, are the things that you told yourself, "It's too hard to have".

I know that there are many who read these words now and disagree with me, and say, "How many things that we hoped for, but we've never got them?" But believe me; I'm speaking about facts which maybe have some exceptions, and the exception always proves the rule.

Fill your life with hope. Look positively at it. Search for the beauty. Life is wonderful. You should have a beautiful eye and then you'll see all places surrounding you are beautiful. People are different; don't prejudice any one before you treat him. Man who says, "All people are bad" is the worst of them.

Think well of all that's around you, and if you feel that someone offended you, find excuse for him, forgive his mistake rather than blaming him.

Feel power inside you, feel the ability to succeed. If you want something, imagine you have got it, you will be amazed by this strange power that you have, be positive, make the sky the limit of your dreams, but you should have a plan, divide your goals according to their priorities, and start right away with most important one. If you failed, consider the failure is the first step in success.
People who have the ability to dream are capable of creating the miracles.


TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor mention Mona Lisa?
Eihab
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Posts: 132

Re: Could you please correct my essay?... "Making your mark" #2 (permalink) Wed Apr 25, 2012 14:35 pm   Re: Could you please correct my essay?... "Making your mark"
 

Hi, yes, this one seemed a little less natural. Also, I may be biased because I don't really believe the whole visualize success mantra.

Eihab wrote:
Hi, I know this topic is similar to the last one, but it's the third – and maybe the last- translated essay, however, I feel it's very weak because the translation is unpleasant process to me, I hope I can write from me mind later, although I who wrote these ones, but not in English.

Making your mark
You decide what happens to you. What happens to you is what you hope for or what you fear, that is, what you are thinking.

There is a common proverb in my country [that] says, "He who fears the boogeyman, meets him", and you must meet your thoughts.

How many times you were walking in a street thinking in someone and suddenly you saw him? You saw him in your mind before seeing him by[with] your eyes.

"How many times have you found yourself walking down the street, thinking of someone, and suddenly you saw him?"

The winners in Olympiad[The Olympics] imagine their victory and saw it by [visualize it in] their minds before they achieve it, and this is what the sport specialists focus on, train[ing] their minds on[for] victory.

You won't have your hope [attain what you hope for] unless you get[first achieve] it in your mind. The great achievements started with small dreams. There is no luck. Luck is [the] unexplainable ability to obtain on what you've been dreaming about.

Some gamblers, who[se] their friends call them "the lucky"; {comma} have the ability to get the number they want many times. Why? Because they had it in their minds at first,{semicolon} they visualized it many times before,{semicolon} they have a strong will, {period} no matter how many times they failed, but they still have the firm desire to achieve what is predetermined in their minds. Don't go away [in disbelief],{colon} how many things [have] you wanted before and [now] you have them now?... And be sure[assured] that what you have got now is what you told yourself before [that you would own] I would own it. And what you [have] failed to obtain on, are the things that [about which] you told yourself, "It's too hard to have".

I know that there are many who read these words now and disagree with me, and say, "How many things that[have] we hoped for, but we've never got them?" But believe me; I'm speaking about facts which maybe have some exceptions, and the exception always proves the rule. {just a side note - I hate this expression: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/731/whats-the-meaning-of-the-expression-thats-the-exception-that-proves-the-rule }

Fill your life with hope. Look positively at it. Search for the beauty. Life is wonderful. You should have a beautiful eye and then you'll see [that] all places surrounding you are beautiful. People are different; don't [be] prejudice[d against] any one before you treat{do you mean "meet"?} him. [The] Man who says, "All people are bad" is the worst of them.

Think well of all that's around you, and if you feel that someone offended you, find [an] excuse for him, forgive his mistake rather than blaming him.

Feel [the] power inside you, feel the ability to succeed. If you want something, imagine you have got it, you will be amazed by this strange power that you have,{new sentence} be positive, make the sky the limit of your dreams, but you should have a plan, {new sentence}divide your goals according to their priorities, and start right away with most important one. If you failed,{or "have failed" depending on what you are trying to say} consider the failure is the first step in success.
People who have the ability to dream are capable of creating the miracles.


TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor mention Mona Lisa?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 7032
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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Re: Could you please correct my essay?... "Making your mark" #3 (permalink) Wed Apr 25, 2012 17:28 pm   Re: Could you please correct my essay?... "Making your mark"
 

Quote:
People are different; don't [be] prejudice[d against] any one before you treat{do you mean "meet"?} him
Yes, I mean this.

Thanks twice; for your effort with me and for the link.
Eihab
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Posts: 132

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