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To be a good son or daughter essay, please check it, thank a lot!



 
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To be a good son or daughter essay, please check it, thank a lot! #1 (permalink) Tue May 15, 2012 4:32 am   To be a good son or daughter essay, please check it, thank a lot!
 

Topic: How to be a good son or daughter? Use specific reasons to support your opinion.

We always read books, articles that teach us how to be a manager, a designer or even a good seller. But, have you ever wondered how to be a good child. In my perspective, respectful and compassionate are the most crucial qualities to be a good son or daughter.

First of all, respect for the parents is the prerequisite quality of any good son or daughter. The children must respect their parents, who gave birth to them and brought them up with all the countless efforts and devotion. Moreover, who would give up their own foods for you even they are starving? No one but your parents do. Who would offer their kidneys or even their lives as they can whenever you need? No one except your parents, and so on. Consequently, with all the miracle things that the parents have done for their children; it is really ashamed and being treated as a bad person for whoever do not respect the parents.

Compassionate is the next factor which is needed to consider. I have to mention again the important thing that the parents are the one who gave you birth and raised you up. Thus, it is true that you must take care of them back whenever you can; especially when they get older, retire from work, less friend to talk with. This is the time they need you the most. For instance, you can talk to them more often or strive to involve them with any social activities in our community such as senior clubs, churches, salon and so on. By doing that, you are helping in maintaining their mental and physical health. Hence, a good son or daughter is a person who his or her parents can come to in a crisis, share the sadnesses and the happinesses with.

In conclusion, to be a good son or daughter might need more principle. But, the qualities that I have indicated, are the most important and the roof of other qualities. With respectful and compassionate characteristics, I strongly believe children can do many wonderful things to make their parents happy. And by doing that, they are becoming good sons or daughters.

TOEFL listening lectures: What does the professor imply about Leonardo da Vinci?
Thien Vo
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 15 Apr 2012
Posts: 15

Re: To be a good son or daughter essay, please check it, thank a lot! #2 (permalink) Tue May 15, 2012 23:47 pm   Re: To be a good son or daughter essay, please check it, thank a lot!
 

Hi, this essay is very good. You have a good structure with well developed paragraphs and good examples. You have a few grammatical errors here and there and some awkward sounding phrases, but they don't interfere with your meaning too much. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

Thien Vo wrote:
Topic: How to be a good son or daughter? Use specific reasons to support your opinion.

We always read books [and] articles that teach us how to be a manager, a designer or even a good seller[salesman or salesperson]. But, have you ever wondered how to be a good child.[?] In my perspective, respectful and compassionate are the most crucial qualities to be a good son or daughter.

First of all, respect for the parents is the prerequisite quality of any good son or daughter. The children must respect their parents, who gave birth to them and brought them up with all the countless efforts and devotion. Moreover, who would give up their own foods for you even [if] they are starving? No one but your parents do[would]. Who would offer their kidneys or even their lives as they can whenever you need?{"as they can whenever you need" is unclear here} No one except your parents, and so on. Consequently, with all the miracl[ulous] things that the parents have done for their children; it is [a] really ashamed [shameful] and being treated as a bad person{"being treated as a bad person" is awkward and unclear here - I would make the person who does not respect his parents the subject - flip around the sentence} for whoever do[es] not respect the parents.

Compassionate is the next factor which is needed to [be] consider[ed]. {or better, "which we need to consider"} I have to mention again the important thing[fact] that the parents are the one[s ] who gave you birth[gave birth to you] and raised you up. Thus, it is true that you must take care of them back[in return] whenever you can; especially when they get older, retire from work, [and have fewer] less friend[s ] to talk with. This is the time they need you the most. For instance, you can talk to them more often or strive to involve them with any social activities in our community such as senior clubs, churches, [beauty] salon[s ] and so on. By doing that, you are helping in maintaining their mental and physical health. Hence, a good son or daughter is a person who his or her parents can come to in a crisis, share the sadnesses and the happinesses with. {or "share the sad and happy times with"}

In conclusion, to be a good son or daughter [one] might need more principle[s ]. But,{no comma} the qualities that I have indicated,{no comma} are the most important and the roof[root] of other qualities. {try not to start a sentence with but or and - combine this with the previous sentence} With respectful and compassionate characteristics, I strongly believe children can do many wonderful things to make their parents happy. And by doing that, they are becoming good sons or daughters.

TOEFL listening lectures: What does the professor imply about Leonardo da Vinci?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 6985
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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To be a good son or daughter essay, please check it, thank a lot! #3 (permalink) Fri May 18, 2012 18:37 pm   To be a good son or daughter essay, please check it, thank a lot!
 

I don't know what is happenning to my account. I have not been able to log in; so I just created a another account.
Thank Luschen, I'm really appreciate for what you have done. I would like to ask you a few questions.

1)But, have you ever wondered how to be a good child.[?]
But,{no comma} the qualities that I have indicated,{no comma} are the most important and the roof[root] of other qualities
_ Can you explain how to use comma after "but" in both sentences?

2)In my perspective, respectful and compassionate are the most crucial qualities to be a good son or daughter
_We can not use adj form when we talk about a quality, can we?

3)it is [a] really ashamed [shameful] and being treated as a bad person.
_Ashamed and shameful are not the same meaning?

4)Consequently, with all the miracl[ulous] things that the parents have done for their children; it is [a] really ashamed [shameful] and being treated as a bad person{"being treated as a bad person" is awkward and unclear here - I would make the person who does not respect his parents the subject - flip around the sentence} for whoever do[es] not respect the parents
_Can I use subordination to join these sentences like this:
_Consequently, with all the miraculous things that the parents have done for their children so it is a really shameful that whoever does not respect their parents.

5)Who would offer their kidneys or even their lives as they can whenever you need?{"as they can whenever you need" is unclear here}
_Who would offer you their kidneys or even their lives if you were sick?
Vo Thien
New Member


Joined: 18 May 2012
Posts: 3

To be a good son or daughter essay, please check it, thank a lot! #4 (permalink) Fri May 18, 2012 19:22 pm   To be a good son or daughter essay, please check it, thank a lot!
 

Vo Thien wrote:
I don't know what is happenning to my account. I have not been able to log in; so I just created a another account.
Thank Luschen, I'm really appreciate for what you have done. I would like to ask you a few questions.

1)But, have you ever wondered how to be a good child.[?]
But,{no comma} the qualities that I have indicated,{no comma} are the most important and the roof[root] of other qualities
_ Can you explain how to use comma after "but" in both sentences?

You can probably eliminate this question by not beginning sentences with but - some graders will mark you down because there is a "rule" about not beginning sentences with conjunctions, at least in formal essays. If you want to read more, I found this article about "However", which is used exactly how you are using "but".

Using ‘however’ to begin a sentence

If ‘however’ is used to begin a sentence, it must be followed by a comma, and what
appears after the comma must be a complete sentence.
However, there was no need to repeat the data entry.
Keep the use of sentences beginning with ‘however’ to a minimum. Overuse makes
‘however’ look more important than the content of the sentence. It may also result in
sentence fragments.
FRAGMENT — However, life in Ancient Egypt three thousand years
ago.
REVISED — However, life in Ancient Egypt three thousand years ago
was much more sophisticated.
A sentence beginning with ‘however,’ is usually closely related to the sentence which
precedes it. In most cases, it is more appropriate to use ‘however’ to form a
compound sentence.


2)In my perspective, respectful and compassionate are the most crucial qualities to be a good son or daughter
_We can not use adj form when we talk about a quality, can we?

Maybe sometimes quality can be used to refer to an adjective, but it usually requires a noun, as in your sentence.

3)it is [a] really ashamed [shameful] and being treated as a bad person.
_Ashamed and shameful are not the same meaning?

Not exactly - ashamed is only used to describe how you feel. Shameful is something external that would make you or someone else feel ashamed. "I am ashamed because I did that shameful action."
Also, I don't know why I put that "a" in there, I don't think it belongs, but your sentence is difficult for me to figure out.


4)Consequently, with all the miracl[ulous] things that the parents have done for their children; it is [a] really ashamed [shameful] and being treated as a bad person{"being treated as a bad person" is awkward and unclear here - I would make the person who does not respect his parents the subject - flip around the sentence} for whoever do[es] not respect the parents
_Can I use subordination to join these sentences like this:
_Consequently, with all the miraculous things that the parents have done for their children so it is a really shameful that whoever does not respect their parents.

Yes, but you are still not quite correct - Maybe "Consequently, with all the miraculous things that parents have done for their children, it is really shameful that some of them do not respect their parents." or switch it around: "It is really shameful that some children do not respect their parents, considering all the miraculous things their parents have done for them."

5)Who would offer their kidneys or even their lives as they can whenever you need?{"as they can whenever you need" is unclear here}
_Who would offer you their kidneys or even their lives if you were sick?

This is much more clear.

Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 6985
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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