TOEFL® essay sample: 'A person's childhood years are the...'

[May]

Dear Alan,
I am facing with a problem of TWE. I am going to take the exam in few weeks. Please correct this essay for me both grammar and the details. Thank you.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person's childhood years are the most important years of a person's life.

The time of childhood years are very important. There are many characters showing in these years of persons’ life that can figure out the personality of their whole life.

Childhood is an everlasting picture which will appear in a person’s mind forever. The feeling of happiness or sadness of childhood can leads to a person’s behavior when they grow up. Furthermore, their characters will show which kind of person they are likely grow up to be .

In addition, childhood is the time to learn the most basic knowledge from school ,experience and everything around them ,which include by imitating the grown up’s habits . This knowledge can put in to use as a fundamental key to generate many useful idea .

Human’s life is important in every phrase starting from the time of birth until the time of death. Thus, we should do our best in everything

[Alan]

Hi may,

I have made some suggestions in CAPITAL letters: