TOEFL essay sample: Many people learn foreign language...

[akhil]

Topic: "Many people learn foreign language in their own country; others have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken. Which is better? Give the advantages and disadvantages of each and support your viewpoint"

Language is the medium of expresion of thoughts and sharing the information. The current trend of globalisation has made organisations expand their business beyond the political boundaries of their country. The world has become smaller and people from different countries and different backgrounds are interacting more frequently than they were earlier. This has prompted more and more people to learn foreign languages.

The foreing language can be learnt either in the own country of the native or in the contry in which it is spoken. I prefer to learn the language in the country of the native, as it is more convenient for the native to learn the language. One can learn a foreign language without having to migrate to the other country and incurring huge expenditure. Secondly, the native can also look for a job of interpretor in the country as the demand of the interperators will be higher in the native's country than the country in which it is spoken. Linguists are of the opinion that grammar and vocabulary are the building blocks of the language. These basic ingredients come directly from text books and will be same, whatever part of the world one may go. Therefore, it can be inferred that the quality of education is not affected by the location in which the language is learnt.

In view of the above, it may be concluded that I would prefer to learn the foreign language in my native country itself.

[Alan]

Hi,

[Englishuser]

Please find the essay corrected below.

Language is a medium for expressing thoughts and sharing information. The current trend of globalisation has made organisations expand their business beyond the political boundaries of their country. The world has become smaller and people from different countries and with different backgrounds are interacting more frequently with each other than ever before. This has prompted more and more people to learn foreign languages.

A foreign language can be learnt either in one’s native country or in the country in which the language is spoken natively. I prefer to learn the language in my own country, as it is more convenient to learn a language at home. One can learn a foreign language without having to migrate to the other country the latter option tends to be quite expensive. Secondly, you can also look for a job as an interpreter in your own country as the demand for interpreters will be higher in one’s native country than in the country in which the language is spoken natively. Linguists often think that grammar and vocabulary are the most important aspects of a language. These basic ingredients come directly from text books and will be the same whatever part of the world one goes to. Therefore it can be concluded that the quality of education is not affected by the location in which the language is learnt.

In accordance with the above, it may be concluded that I would prefer to learn a foreign language in my homeland.

Best of luck with your exam.

[akhil]

[Englishuser]

Akhil wrote:

Thanks Allan & Englishuser for your valueable comments. Please let me know your views about the structure of the essay, logical connectivity of the sentences, reference & adherence to the topic and quality of content.

Can we use ampersand "&" for and in formal writting? How long should the essay preferably be?

Best Regards,

Akhil Jain

My comment:

It's nice to hear that you appreciate my help. As my corrections are included in an earlier post I won't discuss specifics in your language now (you can compare the version I posted with your original version), but as I remember it your language was quite good. Just watch out for spelling errors: read the text backwards, word by word: this way you are likely to find many spelling errors that you wouldn't have spotted otherways.

When it comes to the content of your essay I must say that I think it's fairly good. Some suggestions of improvement can be found below:

* You are supposed to discuss the advantages AND disadvantages with learning a foreign language at home in comparison with learning the language in a country where the language is spoken natively. You might have a strong opinion yourself, but remember to discuss why others might prefer studying a language in a different setting.

* Choose either a personal approach or a more objective one. In more formal writing 'I' is seldom found, but in essays like this it might even be advantageous. I think you manage this pretty well already.

Regarding the ampersand, no, I wouldn't use it in formal writing.

I think that the length of your essay is OK. However, I regret to admit that I'm quite unfamiliar with such details. Alan can surely answer that question much better than I do. But, as a rule, be very careful not to use too many words in an essay: it may lead to points being deducted.

Once more, best of luck with your exam!