 Wed Jun 07, 2006 23:56 pm TOEFL Essay correction: student learn is of vital importance |
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Hi,
My suggestions are in CAPITALS:
Posted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 9:00 pm Post subject: essay correction
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Dear Alan, could you please correct my essay and rate it with the toefl TWE scale. I really need your help as I am facing only essay problem and there is nobody exept you who can help me with essay. Many thanks.
Question: do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for students to study history and literature than it is for them to study science and mathematics. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Answer:
| Quote: | The question what should studentS learn is of vital importance. People think that it is more important to learn literature and art subjects; others deem/CONSIDER that for students it is essential to study science and mathematics. Generally, I think that both studying literature and art, or science and mathematics are important for students. But, in real life studentS usually choose to concentrates/CONCENTRATE on one or two groupS of subjects depending on his/THEIR major SUBJECT or specialization. As for me, it is more important to study science and mathematics as I am majoring in economics.
For those students who study economics as a major subject should conentrate their attention on science and mathematics. Mathematics gives an economist tools to predict how the economy will develop. For example, there is a statisticAL method called regression analysis which gives a reseacher an opportunities/AN OPPORTUNITY to build prognoses of THE main economic indicators. Second, economics is A very strict and precise science which is similar to mathematics. A lot of principles of mathematics can be adjusted to develop new economic theories. Thus, it is quite important for students with AN economic major to study mathematics.
Another point why all students should concentrate on science and mathematics is the chance to broaden their viewpoint/OUTLOOK. It is generally known that fundamental sciences, especially, mathematics are everywhere even in art and music. For example, one of the most famous paintingSof the Reneisance period was L. Da Vinci’s Vitruvian man. But not everyBODY people knowS that this perfect man has precise mathematicAL proportion of length of arms, legs etc. Therefore, studying science and mathematics can be benificial for all students.
Admittedly, what subject is more important for students to study is their own decision and this decision mainly depends on their/MAIN SUBJECT major. We cannot say that one subject is more important than another. Every subject in THE university curriculum is of equal importance.
In conclusion, the answer to the question what is more important for students literature and art or science and mathematics depends on their majors. For instance, students majoring in economics would probably argue that science and mathematics are more important for them. In/ON the other hand, art students would argue that literature and art are more essential. As an economist with any doubt I would say that science and mathematics is more important.
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This is quite good but check on the correct use of singular or plural subjects. It is best to use the expression main subject for major and specializing for majoring.
Alan
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Alan
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