#2 (permalink) Tue Jun 13, 2006 15:07 pm TOEFL essay sample: What has been humanity's greatest... |
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Hi france
Since Alan isn't available at the moment, I've had a look at your TOEFL essay. My suggestions are in BLUE and words in brackets [ ] should be removed.
Today's generation is PART OF the beginning of a globalization, especially in the field of science and technology. After the Industrial [Era]REVOLUTION, the transformation of a new society started to develop, moving us[on] from a traditional way of living to a modernized civilization AND bringing ABOUT [the advent of] EVER more advanced technological feats and inventions. Several of humanity's greatest AND MOST SUCCESSFUL technological achievements [have become successful which] are still [at best] progressing [up to now] TODAY.
The invention of spacecraft is one of [the] MAN'S greatest achievements [made by human being]. Man [made a] searchED FOR WAYS to put [into realization] his conceptualized ideas INTO PRACTICE and that [gives]GAVE rise to [an] inventionS. For instance, in 1969, THE Apollo 11 spacecraft landed [in] ON the moon. Furthermore, the Cassini-Huygens spacecraft was successful on [their]ITS mission as [they] IT paved [their journey] THE WAY to Saturn. Indeed, these were BOTH great evidence that man has been [leading its] RACING HIS way to [an] advanced technology.
Another achievement made by man is the invention of THE Internet. Because of THE Internet, life is becoming more convenient. Internet [becomes] HAS BECOME an international information infrastructure. People from around the world can communicate THOUGHTS easily via keyboard [thoughts] without [the] inconvenience. Thus, It is [practically] a PRACTICAL, fast-growing technology that [brings] CONNECTS people globally [connected with each other].
In conclusion, the greatest achievement made by humanity are the inventions of spacecraft and THE Internet. As [years] TIME continues, man [is discovering and achieving] WILL DISCIOVER AND ACHIEVE EVEN MORE new wonders of science and technology.
Good luck! Amy _________________ "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." ~ Abraham Lincoln |
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Yankee I'm a Communicator ;-)

Joined: 16 Apr 2006 Posts: 8316 Location: USA
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