TOEFL essay sample: What has been humanity's greatest...

[france]

TOEFL essay sample (question)

What has been humanity's greatest technological achievement up to now? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

TOEFL essay

Today's generation is the beginning of a globalization especially in the field of science and technology. After the Industrial Era, the transformation of a new society started to develop moving on from a traditional way of living to a modernized civilization bringing the advent of more advanced technological feat and inventions. Several humanity's greatest technological achievements have become successful which are still at best progressing up to now.

The invention of spacecraft is one of the greatest achievement made by human being. Man made a search to put into realization his conceptualized ideas and that gives rise to an invention. For instance, In 1969, Apollo 11 spacecraft landed in the moon. Furthermore, the Cassini-Huygens spacecraft was successful on their mission as they paved their journey to Saturn. Indeed, these were great evidence that man has leading its way to an advance technology.

Another achievement made by man is the invention of Internet. Because of internet, life is becoming more convenient. Internet becomes an international information infrastructure. People from around the world can communicate easily via keyboard thoughts without the inconvenience. Thus, It is practically a fast-growing technology that brings people globally connected with each other.

In conclusion, the greatest achievement made by humanity are the inventions of spacecraft and internet. As years continues, man is discovering and achieving new wonders of science and technology.

[Yankee]

Hi france

Since Alan isn't available at the moment, I've had a look at your TOEFL essay. My suggestions are in BLUE and words in brackets [ ] should be removed.

Today's generation is PART OF the beginning of a globalization, especially in the field of science and technology. After the Industrial [Era]REVOLUTION, the transformation of a new society started to develop, moving us[on] from a traditional way of living to a modernized civilization AND bringing ABOUT [the advent of] EVER more advanced technological feats and inventions. Several of humanity's greatest AND MOST SUCCESSFUL technological achievements [have become successful which] are still [at best] progressing [up to now] TODAY.

The invention of spacecraft is one of [the] MAN'S greatest achievements [made by human being]. Man [made a] searchED FOR WAYS to put [into realization] his conceptualized ideas INTO PRACTICE and that [gives]GAVE rise to [an] inventionS. For instance, in 1969, THE Apollo 11 spacecraft landed [in] ON the moon. Furthermore, the Cassini-Huygens spacecraft was successful on [their]ITS mission as [they] IT paved [their journey] THE WAY to Saturn. Indeed, these were BOTH great evidence that man has been [leading its] RACING HIS way to [an] advanced technology.

Another achievement made by man is the invention of THE Internet. Because of THE Internet, life is becoming more convenient. Internet [becomes] HAS BECOME an international information infrastructure. People from around the world can communicate THOUGHTS easily via keyboard [thoughts] without [the] inconvenience. Thus, It is [practically] a PRACTICAL, fast-growing technology that [brings] CONNECTS people globally [connected with each other].

In conclusion, the greatest achievement made by humanity are the inventions of spacecraft and THE Internet. As [years] TIME continues, man [is discovering and achieving] WILL DISCIOVER AND ACHIEVE EVEN MORE new wonders of science and technology.

Good luck!
Amy
_________________
Amy
.
ESL teacher, translator, and a native speaker of American English