TOEFL essay sample: The issue of the air pollution...

[Agnesb]

Hello Yankee, i am a newcomer in this forum, and i permit me to send you an essay about the same topic.
I am going to do the TOEFL IbT in 8 days, and i need to obtain 213 and 4,5 at my essay to enter a university.

Thank you in advance for your correction.

TOEFL essay sample

The issue of the air pollution is a controversial one due to the fact that this phenomenon is a result of human activities in developing and industrialized countries, as the global warming or the sea pollution.
How could we prevent this pollution? This a crucial issue because our future partly depends on the air quality. Indeed, some inventions have been elaborated to reduce, to dwindle the CO2 content in the air as the car that work with gas instead of petrol or oil or gas-oil.

In a one hand, some measures have already been taken by different governments to limit the air pollution and to improve our conditions of living. Indeed, the air pollution causes numerous diseases and increase healthy problems like the asthma or breath problems…thus this is a real concern! Some persons cannot live in a big city because of the high rate of air pollution in it.
However, our health is not the only to be threatened, our environment is threatened too. Indeed, the air pollution causes some disorders on the environment.

The causes of the air pollution are primary the industrialization, cars that release and excess of toxic gas, and manufactures that release through their chimney, a continually white-grey smoke.

The measures that have been taken are very slow to be established and implemented because it depends on the state of economy of various countries. Measures rely on the agreement of numerous countries like the agreement of Kyoto which is the more famous one, and actually has not been approved yet by the USA.

The quantity and the composition of the smoke that is released by chimney of factories is controlled in France by the authorities, and cars are now required to have a certain pattern or technical characteristics to release gas.
Some inventions as the car that works with natural oil (soya) has been experimented and it can be a good way to replace the petrol which is increasingly in shortage. However, the soya rejects a bad smell… so this is a vicious circle because the soya implies a smelt pollution.

All environmental phenomenons are linked, indeed, the smoke that is rejected by factories, thin the ozone layer and this way, the sun beams can enter the atmosphere and then it cause a global warming and skin problems for human being. It is only enough to disrupt one environmental phenomenon to modify the full environment and accelerate the Earth’s pollution.

On an other hand, those solutions taken for preventing the air pollution could not stop it but only reduce the extent of the progress of this pollution. This is inevitable that one day, the earth could not be in favour of our living on the Earth.
Moreover, this is obvious that in the future, human being won’t have a good and wealthy future because the air pollution is inevitable and the air quality could not be improved. Environment will be unbearable, unliveable and opposite our needs. And the entire people, who are reluctant to the measures taken to prevent the air pollution, will regret it undoubtedly. Because nowadays, environment protection seems to have taken a back seat to the other priorities. Indeed, people don’t realize that the life on the earth is condemned. But in a certain way, the measures that we now take to dwindle pollution will not delete our mistakes.

Only the future will show us how our environment and the plague of the air pollution will evolve.

[Alan]

Hi Agn?sb,

I have made some suggestions in CAPITAL LETTERS:

[Yankee]

[Agnesb]

Thank you Amy for wishing me good luck!
And thank you Alan, i will learn the rules about articles!