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(Issue 1) technology reduces our ability to think



 
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Known and feared for their | Will technology mean humans stop thinking for themselves?
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(Issue 1) technology reduces our ability to think #1 (permalink) Fri May 02, 2014 9:54 am   (Issue 1) technology reduces our ability to think
 

This is my first GRE writing posted. Please help me with it, thanks a lot!

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

In retrospect, modern technologies have really changed our society since industrial revolution. The introduction of steam engine first made its milestone, and the upcoming machines, robots, communicating systems later dominated the lives of people. Beginning from several decades ago, there came computers and mobile phones which has nowadays evolved into ultrabooks and smart phones, flooding our society. The extent technologies affected and is affecting us is obvious since we are now bonded to various kinds of inventions like automobiles, watches and all of the electrical gadgets mentioned or not mentioned above. It is worth considering whether these technologies decrease our ability to solve problems or to invent new marvels because most people do not like to go backward. The question has too many facades to begin with, and are therefore highly controversial. In order to have deep insight into it, examples from our daily lives can be taken and assessed first.
To begin with, we can take a look at the fancy computers and smartphones we own today. They are probably the most controversial inventions created recently which have been evoking different voices and opinions from various classes of people. Some people suggest that computers and smartphones stupefy people. For instance, the words and grammar checking function of office softwares that lessen our ability to spell right and utilize grammar. According to a research, we did tend to memorize less when computers are at hand, thus some scholars are arguing whether we should have depended on computers so much or not. However, without the aid of them, although we can assure that our ability to write correctly is more solid, we cannot ignore the fact that the spent time to finish certain works prolonges when there is no computer. For one part, computers might worsen our lingual capabilities, but another part is that computers reduce our time handling documents and thus spare additional time which allows people to do other works which still require lots of creativity.
Since electrical gadgets are just one special part of technology, more examples representing a whole picture of it must be included. If we consider all the inventions we have but didn’t have before the industrial revolution, we can draw a more convincing conclusion about the question clearer. When people were at the time there was no cars, no airplanes and no washing machines, they will have less time doing additional brain storming since lots of routine jobs needed to be done by themselves. The inconvenience of these and the scarcity of tools might serve as a driving force for people in the past to come up with novel ideas, encouraging them to be more creative, but does that mean people living today think less because all the problems have been solved? With new inventions popping up all the time, so did many new problems that came after them. When we are enjoying traveling faster, eating more nutritious and savoring better quality of our dwellings, we also have to always be creative to solve the problem of air pollution, ocean acidification and other environmental issue. While technology brings us convenience, it also induce lots of its drawbacks.
To conclude, technology originates from restless minds and have solved lots of disturbing problems indeed, but the assertion that it deteriorates our ability to think appear to be subjected, and might only apply in certain circumstances. As human kind are proceeding forward, unknown and unexpected challenges are always awaiting.
Peterwu1988
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 10 Mar 2014
Posts: 49

Re: (Issue 1) technology reduces our ability to think #2 (permalink) Sat May 03, 2014 1:23 am   Re: (Issue 1) technology reduces our ability to think
 

Hi, not too bad. I think you addressed the topic well, but parts of your essay seemed a little disjointed and hard to follow. Maybe shorter paragraphs with clear topic sentences and transitions would help. Your writing is clear for the most part, but you do have some awkward and sometimes vague word choices and phrases scattered throughout.

Peterwu1988 wrote:
This is my first GRE writing posted. Please help me with it, thanks a lot!

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

In retrospect,{"in retrospect" sounds a little off here, usually it is used when changing your opinion or the presumed opinion} modern technologies have really changed our society since [the] industrial revolution. The introduction of [the] steam engine first made its milestone, {"first made its milestone" is incorrect} and the [following] upcoming machines, robots, [and] communicat[ion] systems later dominated the lives of people. Beginning from several decades ago, there came computers and mobile phones[,] which ha[ve] nowadays evolved into ultrabooks and smart phones, flooding our society. The extent [to which] technologies affected and is[are] affecting us is obvious since we are now bonded {'bonded" seems a little odd} to various kinds of inventions like automobiles, watches and all of the electrical gadgets mentioned or not mentioned above.{this mentioned or not mentioned above phrase sounds a little odd} It is worth considering whether these technologies decrease our ability to solve problems or to invent new marvels because most people do not like to go backward. {this sentence is a little confusing to me - what do you mean?} The question has too many facades{"facade" means a false side, so it doesn't really work here} to begin with, and are therefore highly controversial. In order to have deep insight into it, examples from our daily lives can be taken and assessed first.
To begin with, we can take a look at the fancy computers and smartphones we own today. They are probably the most controversial inventions created recently[,] which have been evoking different voices and opinions from various classes of people. {calling a computer or smartphone "controversial" sounds a little odd to me} Some people suggest that computers and smartphones stupefy {"stupefy" means to confuse, not to make someone stupid} people. For instance, the words[spelling] and grammar checking function of office softwares{"software" is non-countable singular} that lessen[s ] our ability to spell right{"correctly" is better here} and utilize grammar. According to a research, {or "a research study"} we d[o ]tend to memorize less when computers are at hand, thus some scholars are arguing whether we should have depended on computers so much or not. However, without the aid of them,{I would say "their aid" or "the aid of such devices"} although we can assure that our ability to write correctly is more solid, we cannot ignore the fact that the spent time [spent] to finish certain works prolonges [is prolonged] when there is no computer. For one part, {"for one part" is an odd and confusing transition} computers might worsen our lingual {"linguistic" is the more common word} capabilities, but another part is that computers reduce our time handling documents and thus spare additional time which allows people to do other works{"work" is usually non-countable singular, unless you are talking about works of art} which still require lots of creativity.
Since electrical gadgets are just one special part{"aspect" would be a good word to use here} of technology, more examples representing a[its] whole picture of it must be included. If we consider all the inventions we have [now] but didn’t{avoid using contractions} have before the industrial revolution, we can draw a more convincing conclusion about the question clearer. {this last phrase sounds pretty awkward} When people were [living] at [that] the time there w[ere] no cars, no airplanes and no washing machines, they will have [had] less time [to do] doing additional brain storming{one word} since lots of routine jobs needed to be done by themselves.{"themselves" is a little ambiguous since it could refer to the people or the jobs} The inconvenience of these and the scarcity of tools might [have] serve[d ] as a driving force for people in the past to come up with novel ideas, encouraging them to be more creative, but does that mean people living today think less because all the problems have been solved? With new inventions popping up all the time, so did many new problems that came after them. When[While] we are enjoying traveling faster, eating more nutritious and savoring{"savoring" is a bit odd here} [the] better quality of our dwellings, we also have to always be creative to solve the problem[s ] of air pollution, ocean acidification and other environmental issue[s ]. While technology brings us convenience, it also induce[s ] lots of its drawbacks.
To conclude, technology originates from restless minds and [society has] have solved lots of disturbing problems indeed, but the assertion that it deteriorates our ability to think appear[s ] to be subjected,{"subjected" is incorrect here - maybe you mean "subjective"} and might only apply in certain circumstances. As human kind are proceeding forward, unknown and unexpected challenges are always awaiting.
Luschen
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Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8541
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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(Issue 1) technology reduces our ability to think #3 (permalink) Sat May 03, 2014 5:07 am   (Issue 1) technology reduces our ability to think
 

As imformtive as always, thanks. May I ask why "first made its milestone" (paragraph 1 line 2) is incorrect? By the way, how will this essay score?
Peterwu1988
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 10 Mar 2014
Posts: 49

(Issue 1) technology reduces our ability to think #4 (permalink) Sat May 03, 2014 8:35 am   (Issue 1) technology reduces our ability to think
 

You don't make milestones, you reach them.
"It reached its first milestone with the introduction of the steam engine."
"The introduction of the steam engine was its first milestone."
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(Issue 1) technology reduces our ability to think #5 (permalink) Sat May 03, 2014 12:43 pm   (Issue 1) technology reduces our ability to think
 

OK, thanks
Peterwu1988
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 10 Mar 2014
Posts: 49

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