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Please edit my writing: "Watching television is bad for children". Agr



 
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Can you please correct my essay? It is about my hometown. | mistakes according to: "http://www.english-test.net/toeic®/simulator5/"
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Please edit my writing:  "Watching television is bad for children". Agr #1 (permalink) Sat May 24, 2014 8:26 am   Please edit my writing: "Watching television is bad for children". Agr
 

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? "Watching television is bad for children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer"
We normally call the television box as an “Idiot Box” objectively as we get to see mostly an insignificant amount of channels to the viewers except a very few interesting channels namely a national geography channel. In my opinion, watching television is bad for children because children cannot complete his class home-work, least bothered about an importance of an extra co-curricular activity and sometimes misguided by the film. I would like to talk about why watching television is bad for children in a detail as following.
Firstly, talking from the psychological perspective, children have a less emotional and a rational intelligence in judging a situation objectively in life than adults as they are so young to see the right things for them. For instance, a bullying in a school or on a playground is quite common nowadays in the school mainly attributed to the action movie. In worst case, I read in a newspaper about a high school student in America who learnt how to take a revenge on the other people from a movie. From it, with his gun to the school, he shot his teachers and his schoolmates in a campus. As a result, many innocent children lost their lives and caused an unbearable suffering to the family. So we should try to cultivate some moral values among our growing children by showing only a few selected or appropriate channels on the television.
Secondly, for children it is hard to understand the importance of education in their life. After finishing their classes and on reaching home, they throw their bag and sit for the television as many attractive shows chip on the television, then gradually they forget their class home-work. For that reason, parents have a tough job to monitor their children from watching television otherwise their children will not pursue their dreams to be an educated man or a woman.
Finally, our children should take part in an extra co-curricular activity to keep themselves fit plus learn the valuable lesson about a team-work. However, nowadays children are disconnected from their family and friends, instead they are attracted towards the fairy-tale show on the television. For instance, one of my neighbor’s son is at class 7, he remains most of his school off at home with his grandma watching television and eating food. As a result, he is overweight, an introvert, and no friends to play while he should have. One day, he may grow up as a naive man.
Considering the above explanations, watching a television is bad for children as the children fail to complete his homework so happens to their exams, avoids an extra co-curricular activity important for their growth and a personality, and they may fail to pursue their school education.
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Can you please correct my essay? It is about my hometown. | mistakes according to: "http://www.english-test.net/toeic®/simulator5/"
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