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Argument essay: Salicylates



 
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Argument essay: Salicylates | Issue writing: If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it are justifi
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Argument essay: Salicylates #1 (permalink) Mon Jul 06, 2015 10:27 am   Argument essay: Salicylates
 

Please help rate and correct my essay as below. Thanks :)

Argument task: The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.
"Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades, food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


While it may seems logical at first glance from the authorís statement that adding salicylates into the food can help reduce headaches. However, the authorís statement consists of several flaws which need to be clarified in order to prove the validity of the study.
First of all, as mentioned that many foods are naturally rich in salicylate, hence, only consumption of natural foods should be able to relief the symptom of headache. As mentioned by author, salicylates have been added to the foods for decades, therefore, the declination of headache should have clearly seen at the same time while such symptom still exist till today.
Moreover, the study is rely on only Mentia residents which is not enough to conclude that salicylates can help reduce the headache as there is no mentioned of the quantity of Mentia population and how the study was conducted. As the salicylates have been used around the world, if the statement is valid, other areas should have experienced the same declination of headache as well as Mentia.
Finally, there are numbers of factors that can affect the headache. Thereby, it might be inappropriate to conclude that salicylates can relief the headache. To illustrate, stress is one of the main factor which can lead to headache. If stress level of Mentia residents has been lower since last 20 years by the political campaigns or other reason, the headaches suffered might be lower as well.
In conclusion, the authorís statement mentioning that consuming salicylates can help relief suffer from headache according to Mentia residents contains several points need to be clarified as natural foods already contains salicylate which the headaches suffered should rarely exist. The number of Mentia population and how the study was conducted should be mentioned in order that the statement can be fully evaluated. Headache might happen because of many reasons which the declination of suffered in Mentia population can be the result of factors other than salicylate. With these issues clarified, the authorís study can be evaluated and can be used as a reference.
Roytor
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 31 Jan 2013
Posts: 20
Location: Thailand

Re: Argument essay: Salicylates #2 (permalink) Mon Jul 06, 2015 17:19 pm   Re: Argument essay: Salicylates
 

Hi Roytor, I have given my opinion and some suggestions below. One thing I would add is although salicylates are in the same chemical family as aspirin, that doesn't necessarily mean they would have the same effect as aspirin. And are the flavor salicylates the same as the preservative salicylates? Even small changes in a chemical formula can have immense changes in how it affects the human body. Then, even if the chemical has a similar effect as aspirin, what is the amount added to the food? Maybe only very small amounts are necessary as preservatives, so with a normal diet, consumers would never ingest enough of the salicylates to have any effect. Last, on the contrary, maybe people are now ingesting enough that all the benefits have already occurred. Adding even more salicylates as flavor additives won't necessarily continue the downward trend in headaches.

Roytor wrote:
Please help rate and correct my essay as below. Thanks :)

Argument task: The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.
"Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades, food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


While it may see[m ] logical at first glance from the authorís statement that adding salicylates into[to] {you "put into" but you "add to"} the food can help reduce headaches. {better to say "may explain the reduction in headaches" I think} However, the authorís statement consists of [contains] several flaws {"consists of" would mean the entire statement is flawed} which need to be clarified in order to prove the validity of the study.
First of all, as mentioned[,] that many foods are naturally rich in salicylate[s ], hence, only consumption of natural foods [alone] should be able to relie[ve] the symptom of headache. As mentioned by [the] author, salicylates have been added to the foods for decades, therefore, the declination of headache should have clearly seen at the same time while such symptom still exist till today. {I don't think this paragraph is very good - the reading says they have been adding salicylates to food for several decades - I guess this would be about 30 years - and the measured headache reduction has been over 20 years, so the time periods are fairly close I think. The "steady decline" mentioned in the study would imply that headaches are now at an all-time low. I thought you were going to continue with the salicylates found naturally in food and question how the consumption of these high-salicylate foods has changed over the 20 year period - maybe and increased consumption of these foods would contribute to the reduction in headaches}
Moreover, the study is rel[ies] on only Mentia residents[,] which is not enough to conclude that salicylates can help reduce the [number of] headache[s ] as there is no mentioned of the quantity of Mentia population and how the study was conducted. As the salicylates have been used around the world, if the statement is valid, other areas should have experienced the same declin[e in] of headache[s ] as well as Mentia. {this paragraph seems to include two separate points. You are correct that there is no information on the details of the study, sample size, method of measuring headaches, etc. , which is a valid concern. But the argument only concerns Mentia headaches, so worrying about how other people around the world are affected does not really seem like a concern to me}
Finally, there are numbers of factors that can affect the headache[s ]. Thereby, it might be inappropriate to conclude that salicylates can relie[ve] the headache[s ]. To illustrate, stress is one of the main factor[s ] which can lead to headache[s ]. If [the] stress level of Mentia residents has been lower since[in the] last 20 years by the political campaigns {this seems like an odd specific reason to emphasize} or other reason, the headaches suffered might be lower as well.
In conclusion, the authorís statement mentioning that consuming salicylates can help [provide] relief [for those] suffer[ing] from headache[s ] according to [among] Mentia residents contains several points [that] need to be clarified as natural foods already contai[n ] salicylate which the headaches suffered should rarely exist. {this sentence is a little convoluted - I can't really figure out how to make the last phrase sound natural as written - I would divide this into two separate sentences} The number of Mentia population and how the study was conducted should be mentioned in order that the statement can be fully evaluated. Headache[s ] might happen because of many reasons[, so the decline] which the declination of suffer[ers] in [the] Mentia population can be the result of factors other than salicylate. With these issues clarified, the authorís study can be evaluated and can be used as a reference.
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8541
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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Argument essay: Salicylates #3 (permalink) Tue Jul 07, 2015 4:11 am   Argument essay: Salicylates
 

Thank you Luschen, it would be nice if it can be rated by you.
Roytor
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 31 Jan 2013
Posts: 20
Location: Thailand

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