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the same national curriculum



 
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the same national curriculum #1 (permalink) Wed Feb 08, 2017 18:38 pm   the same national curriculum
 

Hi,

I know it is far from an ideal, but this time I tried to focus on rebuttle and tried to tie my reasoning to the thesis. Could you please tell me where my flaws in this essay?

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college.

Education is of a primary concern of any government, and the way governments provide it to their populations may come in different flavors. Some people argue that curricula should be universal, while others think that only specialization truly matters. Although it is pivotal to get the solid foundation in the basic disciplines, it is more important to focus on efficient curricula that are tailored to peoples' aptitudes and talents, and, therefore, national curriculum should be specified for people with different needs.

First, people have various talents and predispositions that can be leveraged for a greater good by accommodating the needs of people who are inclined to solving different tasks. If the government takes into account the fact that some children are better at math or physics than other, they can harness these children's potential and facilitate the development of an entire nation by providing the talented children with the environment in which they can contribute to the future of industries. On a personal note, I attended a school specialized in biology and chemistry because I succeeded in entry examination on those subjects. Later on, I was able to join a professor because my early involvement in those disciplines fpstered in me more advanced reasoning; subsequently, I managed to find the solution to reduce costs of genetic testing. It would not have been possible, had I attended a school with no specialization. Therefore, it is important to consider tailored curricula to increase economic prospects of a country.

Second, the government that designs, implements, and enforces specialized curricula enables pupils to make better advancement in their lives in general. To be more specific, children are prone to learning, and spotting their talents as early as possible can be beneficial to make them successful in the future. If a child enters a school with curriculum that meets his or her needs, chances are that child will be in the proper environment around pupil with the same interests and talents. This would reinforce his or her development, minimizing the risks of misunderstandings on a part of his or her peers. Hence, specialized curricula can contribute to healthy development of children, and make social harmony possible.

Third, one might reasonably argue that the same foundation in high school ensures that the government reduces costs for maintaining over sophisticated school curricula and hiring highly trained teachers. Yet it is essential to realize that cutting with extra costs does not secure the government's budget. Conversely, this puts at risk the future of the entire nation because such an approach does not efficiently address the demands of the today's world which is rife with many challenging issues in science, politics, and business. Take for instance, the situation in many industries that demand for highly specialized and skilled human forces that can find solutions to optimize shrinking resources as well as time and spatial constraints. Only when governments realize how important it is to teach people, as early as possible, essentially important knowledge and skills can they effectively meet the current world’s challenges. Therefore, school curricula should be specialized enough to provide society with trained individuals.
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Re: the same national curriculum #2 (permalink) Wed Feb 08, 2017 21:46 pm   Re: the same national curriculum
 

Hi, I think this one is much much clearer. Your rebuttal is good too, in that it shows how the concern is overshadowed by the advantages resulting from the policy. Maybe this one had a few more minor errors in usage, but overall, I think you are definitely on the right track.

Trololo12 wrote:
Hi,

I know it is far from an ideal, but this time I tried to focus on rebuttle [rebuttal] and tried to tie my reasoning to the thesis. Could you please tell me where my flaws in this essay?

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college.

Education is of a {either "of" or "a", but not both} primary concern of any government, and the way governments provide it to their populations may come in different flavors. Some people argue that curricula should be universal, while others think that only specialization truly matters. Although it is pivotal to get the[a] solid foundation in the basic disciplines, it is more important to focus on efficient curricula that are tailored to peoples' aptitudes and talents, and, therefore, national curriculum should be specified {"adapted" seems more clear here} for people with different needs. {very clear thesis!}

First, people have various talents and predispositions that can be leveraged for a greater good by accommodating the needs of people [in how they] are inclined to solving different tasks. {hopefully everybody is inclined to solving different tasks} {This is a very good topic sentence} If the government takes into account the fact that some children are better at [say,] math or physics than other[s ], they can harness these children's potential and facilitate the development of an entire nation by providing the talented children with the environment in which they can contribute to the future of industries. On a personal note, I attended a school specialized in biology and chemistry because I succeeded in [my] entry examination on those subjects. Later on, I was able to join a professor {"join a professor" is unclear to me - what do you mean?} because my early involvement in those disciplines fostered in me more advanced reasoning; subsequently, I managed to find the solution to reduc[ing the] costs of genetic testing. [This] would not have been possible,{no comma} had I attended a school with no specialization. Therefore, it is important to consider tailored curricula to increase economic prospects of a country. {good, good!}

Second, the government that designs, implements, and enforces specialized curricula enables pupils to make better advancement in their lives in general. To be more specific, children are prone {this is a bit odd, since "prone" usually has a negative connotation} to learning, and spotting their talents as early as possible can be beneficial [in making] them successful in the future. If a child enters a school with [a ]curriculum that meets his or her needs, chances are that child will be in the proper environment around pupil[s ] with the same interests and talents. This would reinforce his or her development, minimizing the risks of misunderstandings on a part of his or her peers. Hence, specialized curricula can contribute to healthy development of children, and make social harmony possible. {this is good, a closely related topic is if children study what interests them, they will be much more motivated and thus more likely to succeed - you could add this to the paragraph without changing the topic sentence at all}

Third, [is is true that] {I think you need to phrase like this to make it more clear that this is a possible counter argument to your thesis} one might reasonably argue that [using] the same [standardized] foundation [across] high school[s ] {yours was ok, but these changes seem to make it more clear} ensures that the government reduces costs for maintaining over sophisticated school curricula and hiring highly trained teachers. Yet it is essential to realize that cutting with extra costs does not [necessarily] secure the government's budget. Conversely, this puts at risk the future of the entire nation because such an approach does not efficiently address the demands of the today's world which is rife with many challenging issues in science, politics, and business. Take for instance, the situation in many industries that demand for {"for" is only used after demand as a noun, not demand as a verb} highly specialized and skilled human {I would leave out "human" - it sounds like you are specifying humans instead of some other type of workforce - trained monkeys? ;) } [work]forces that can find solutions to optimize shrinking resources as well as time and spatial constraints. {"time and spatial constraints" sounds a bit vague} Only when governments realize how important it is to teach people, as early as possible, essentially important knowledge and skills can they effectively meet the current world’s challenges. Therefore, school curricula should be specialized enough to provide society with trained individuals. {you could also circle back and state that the marginally increased cost of providing specialized curricula would eventually be more than made up by a booming economy resulting in increased tax revenue. }
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