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why prefer house or apartment



 
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why prefer house or apartment #1 (permalink) Thu Oct 05, 2017 13:06 pm   why prefer house or apartment
 

It is an essay of IELTS writing 2

Quote:
Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

People spend their a big amount of salary for a neat and clean home to live while somebody prefers an apartment instead of a house and vice versa. This choice depends on ones' preference of how much space they want, how much noise they can tolerate, how much responsibility they want to take etc. In this writing, I will describe the advantages and disadvantages of both types of residential place in the following paragraphs.

In general, there are many apartments in a building who share common staircase and lifts, and live very near to each other. As a result, heavy noises are expected in those regions and those who live in an apartment they should be able to tolerate these noises. In addition, they have a chance of regular conversation with neighbors which increases friendship and social activities. These activities can reduce tensions, depression from the society and improve ones health and psychological condition. For example, I am living in an apartment and almost everyday a face-to-face conversation is made between my next door neighbour and me. This makes us more comfortable with each other and helps to be a good friend. As a result, our outdoor activities make us refresh while we were tired of the job.

On the other hand, a house has big space including backyard where small children can play with their parents. Though they have less chance of having contact with neighbors, it can be reduced by visiting their house. Moreover, an apartment is cheaper than a house and need less maintenance such as cutting grass is required for a house but not for an apartment.

In conclusion, those who prefer less noisy, big space with a backyard, more freedom than he can choose a house over an apartment. Those who prefer cheaper accommodation, less maintenance, but can tolerate possible noises can prefer an apartment.

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Ielts.1980
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Re: why prefer house or apartment #2 (permalink) Thu Oct 05, 2017 22:25 pm   Re: why prefer house or apartment
 

Hi, I thought this was ok, but perhaps not as good as some of your other essays.
Try to balance out your paragraphs a little more, it's not good to have one body paragraph so much longer than the other one. You have some good ideas and your structure is good, but I thought your introduction could be better and some of your word choices could be improved. Here are some specific suggestions:

Ielts.1980 wrote:
It is an essay of IELTS writing 2

Quote:
Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

[Certain] People spend their a big amount of {better to say "a huge portion of their salary"} salary for a neat and clean {why neat and clean? an apartment can be neat and clean as well.
try not to introduce additional information that is not in the prompt} home {an apartment can be a home as well. a house describes a type of building while a home is where a family lives, no matter what it physically looks like} to live while somebody prefers {"while others prefer" is better} an apartment instead of a house and vice versa. {this vice versa is redundant - to use vice versa you would say "some people prefer houses over apartments and vice versa"} This choice depends on [one's] preference of how much space they want, how much noise they can tolerate, how much responsibility they want to take etc.{avoid using abbreviations - try "and so on"} In this writing, I will describe the advantages and disadvantages of both types of residential place {better to say "residences"} in the following paragraphs.

In general, there are many apartments in a building who share [a ]common staircase and lifts, and live very near to each {or "very close to each other"} other. {I don't think giving a definition of an apartment works as a topic sentence here - your topic sentence should mention that apartment living has some advantages and disadvantages} As a result, heavy noises {noises are "loud" or "soft", not really heavy or you could say "disturbing" or "irritating"} are expected in those regions and those who live in an apartment they should be able to tolerate these noises. In addition,{here you need to use a transition showing contrast, as you are moving from a disadvantage to an advantage - so "On the other hand" would be better} they have a chance of regular conversation with neighbors which increases friendship and social activities. These activities can reduce tensions, depression from the society {"depression from the society" is a little vague, also aren't your neighbors part of society? } and improve [one's] health and psychological condition. For example, I am living in an apartment and almost everyday {"every day" - everyday is an adjective} a face-to-face conversation is made between my next door neighbour and me. This makes us more comfortable with each other and helps [us] to be [good friends]. As a result, our outdoor activities {don't focus on outdoor activities - you need to mention apartment living to tie this example back to the prompt} make us refresh while we were tired of the job.

On the other hand, a house has big space including [a ]backyard where small children can play with their parents. Though they have less chance of having contact with neighbors, it can be reduced [increased] by visiting [the] house[s of those living nearby] {or "their neighbors' houses", but I wanted to avoid repetition}. Moreover, {once again, this is the wrong type of transition - try "With that said, "} an apartment is cheaper than a house and need less maintenance such as cutting grass is required for a house but not for an apartment. {you need to phrase this differently - this paragraph is about houses, so you need to give the disadvantages of houses - "A house is more expensive than an apartment and requires more maintenance such as cutting the grass and fixing and maintaining appliances and structural elements such as windows and doors."}

In conclusion, those who prefer less [noise], [a] big space with a backyard, [and] more freedom than he can choose a house over an apartment. Those who prefer cheaper accommodation, less maintenance, but can tolerate possible noises [will] prefer an apartment.

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Luschen
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why prefer house or apartment #3 (permalink) Thu Oct 05, 2017 23:35 pm   why prefer house or apartment
 

Thank you, Luschen, for your nice suggestions.
Ielts.1980
You can meet me at english-test.net


Joined: 18 Jan 2012
Posts: 70

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