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Describe pie charts



 
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why prefer house or apartment | Pie charts - The spending of a school in three different years
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Describe pie charts #1 (permalink) Fri Oct 06, 2017 5:23 am   Describe pie charts
 

The quest is to describe the pie charts, here is my answer:

"The graphs illustrate the spending of a normal family in two different years, 1950 and 2010. From the charts, it's evident that housing and food were the two major expenses, which together made up for more than four-fifths in 1950 and approximately three-fifths in 2010.
Housing dominated the pie chart in 1950 with roughly three quarters. However, expenditure on housing dropped sharply to only 22% in 2010. This decline was related to the increase of the spending on food, which accounted for only over one ten of the total expenses in 1950 but then rose dramatically to one third by 2010, making it the largest spending in the time.
Over the sixty-year period, the proportion of healthcare and education remained constant whereas that of transportation and other expenditure each went up by about 10%."

One more question, should I add "firstly", "secondly", etc. in the beginning of each paragraph to make it more smooth?
Thanks in advance.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the main difference between a fad and a trend?
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Fouryz
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Joined: 05 Mar 2012
Posts: 266
Location: Viet Nam

Average Household Expenditures by Category #2 (permalink) Fri Oct 06, 2017 14:51 pm   Average Household Expenditures by Category
 

Hi Fouryz, please try to include the graph or chart in your post or give a link to it. Also, give your post a more meaningful subject line to make it easier for other users of the site - You are definitely on the right track with this report. I think your format is fine - you have an introduction, overview, and detailed analysis. A conclusion is optional and I think you made the right choice to forgo it in this one. I think you have a few areas you could improve though - here are my suggestions:

Fouryz wrote:
The quest is to describe the pie charts, here is my answer:

"The graphs {they are actually charts, not graphs - the type should also be given, so say "pie charts"} illustrate the spending of a normal {"typical" or "average" is better in this context} family [in six areas] {try to make sure your introduction includes every aspect of the graph or chart} in two different years, 1950 and 2010. From the charts, [it is] {avoid contractions in IELTS essays and reports} evident that housing and food were the two major expenses, which together made up for more than four-fifths [of the total outlay] in 1950 and approximately three-fifths in 2010. {I don't know if this gives an accurate overview, since the most noticeable part of the graphs is how much housing expenses decreased - maybe add "... in 2010, though the proportions spent in each of these categories changed remarkably over this period."}
[Looking more closely, ]Housing dominated the pie chart in 1950 with roughly three quarters [of the total spending].{I think for at least the first percentage or fraction mentioned in a paragraph, you should say the percentage or fraction of what} However, expenditure on housing dropped sharply to only 22% in 2010. This decline was related to the increase of the spending on food, which accounted for only [slightly] over one [tenth] of the total expenses in 1950 but then rose dramatically to one third by 2010, making it the largest spending {"spending" is not really a noun - maybe "spending classification"} [at that] time.
[Finally,] Over the sixty-year period, the proportion of healthcare and education [expenses] remained constant whereas that of transportation and other expenditure each went up by about 10%." {I would combine this with the previous paragraph, it is too short to stand alone}

One more question, should I add "firstly", "secondly", etc. in the beginning of each paragraph to make it more smooth? {adding transitions to the paragraphs is good, but for reports there are usually better transitions. For your detailed paragraph you can start with "Looking more closely,", "In more detail," or "According to the graph" - something to show that you are switching from a general overview to a detailed analysis. Then if you have a conclusion, start that with "In conclusion", "To summarize", or something similar.
You can also use additive or contrast type transitions within your detailed analysis paragraph, like I did with "finally," - remember that finally does not work to introduce a conclusion, but it is good for giving your final piece of information}

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the main difference between a fad and a trend?

Luschen
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Describe pie charts #3 (permalink) Fri Oct 06, 2017 15:48 pm   Describe pie charts
 

Hi, Luschen
I just want you to know that I'm extremely grateful for your great help! I really really really am!
I'm taking an IELTS exam in the next two weeks but still feel that I'm not ready yet. I've been working so hard on my writing right now and there were times that I was afraid I'm spamming the forum with so many posts. But then you came (as always) and corrected my works so carefully!<3 Thank you so much, Luschen!
About the graph, I actually did try to include it in several times but it just didn't work and I didn't know how to fix it neither so I decided to exclude it eventually.
Anyway, thank you!
_________________
Woaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!
MUuu...oa
Fouryz
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 05 Mar 2012
Posts: 266
Location: Viet Nam

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