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Pie charts - The spending of a school in three different years



 
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Describe pie charts | Some people feel that entertainers are paid too much money
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Pie charts - The spending of a school in three different years #1 (permalink) Fri Oct 06, 2017 16:32 pm   Pie charts - The spending of a school in three different years
 

Here is the link to the chart: https://i0.wp.com/ieltsliz.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/school-spending-ielts-chart.png

Here is my answer:
"The pie charts illustrate the expenditure in five major categories of a school in three different years, 1981, 1991 and 2001. At first glance, it is clear that teachers’ salaries was the school’s main expense while the percentage of other spending classifications changed considerably over the years in the question.
In more detail, with the constant noticeable percentage of more than two-fifths to about a half in all three years, teachers’ salaries was the top expenditure of the school. Secondly, expenses on furniture and equipment as well as on resources each made up 15% of the total outlay in 1981. Nevertheless, the proportion of furniture and equipment cost reduced to merely 5% in 1991, then recovered to approximately a quarter in 2001. In contrast, despite accounting for up to one-fifth in 1991, spending on resources only comprised of under one-tenth in 2001.
Finally, the money spent for other workers gradually become less and less significant over the years, with 28%, 22% and 15% respectively in 1981, 1991 and 2001 (Is this sentence too lengthy, can I omit the underlined part). As regards to insurance, the expense made up a very small amount, with under 10% in all three years."

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture in social science class
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Re: Pie charts - The spending of a school in three different years #2 (permalink) Fri Oct 06, 2017 18:54 pm   Re: Pie charts - The spending of a school in three different years
 

Hi Fouryz, thanks for posting the link. This is another pretty good report, but this one had a few sentences that were not quite clear to me. I think your transitions sounded very good though. Here are my specific suggestions:
Fouryz wrote:
Here is the link to the chart: https://i0.wp.com/ieltsliz.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/school-spending-ielts-chart.png

Here is my answer:
"The [three] pie charts illustrate [a school's] expenditure in five major categories of a school {the way you had it made it sound like you meant five different types of school} in three different years, 1981, 1991 and 2001. At first glance, it is clear that teachers’ salaries was the school’s main expense while the percentage of other spending classifications changed considerably over the years in the question.
In more detail, with the constant noticeable percentage of more than two-fifths to about a half in all three years, {this phrase is confusing, because you are implying the percentage is constant, but then you imply that it changed - it would be better to say "In more detail, teachers' salaries was consistently the top expenditure of the school, although it varied between two-fifths and one-half of the total expenses over the years in question." teachers’ salaries was the top expenditure of the school. Secondly, expenses on furniture and equipment as well as on resources each made up 15% of the total outlay in 1981. Nevertheless, the proportion of furniture and equipment cost [diminished] {reduce always requires an object} to merely 5% in 1991, then recovered to approximately a quarter in 2001. In contrast, despite accounting for up to one-fifth in 1991, spending on resources only comprised of under [less than] one-tenth in 2001. {you can't use "only" and another diminutive word like under or less than together - so these are correct: "I only made $100 this month." or "I only made a little more than last month." or "I only made a little more than $100 this month." - here "little more" together is no longer a diminutive word, since it means more than something else}
Finally, the money spent for other workers gradually become less and less significant over the years, with [values of] 28%, 22% and 15% respectively in 1981, 1991 and 2001 (Is this sentence too lengthy, can I omit the underlined part). {I think the underlined portion is required to make it clear. Is there a problem with lengthy sentences? The rubric is looking for a wide range of sentence structures} As regards to insurance, the expense made up a very small amount, [at] under 10% in all three years."

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