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The problems of deforestation and how to solve them.



 
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The problems of deforestation and how to solve them. #1 (permalink) Wed Oct 11, 2017 17:37 pm   The problems of deforestation and how to solve them.
 

Here is my topic this time,
"Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?"

This is my answer,
"From a simple chair to a luxury bench, almost every product people use in their daily life comes from woods. Logging seems to be a crucial activity in many countries' economy. However, by deforestation, humans are damaging the Earth as well as all species living on it, including themselves. Thus, serious actions must be taken to confront this critical problem.
Global warming is happening everywhere, which is a sub-consequence of the deterioration of many forests, from Amazon in South America to tropical forest in Asia. Without trees, the air cannot be filtered, hence keeping carbon dioxide from industrial plants and factories airborne, leading to the harmful increase in the global heat. This event will fasten the climate change, thereby triggering an array of disasters, such as floods, drought, acid rain, etc. Moreover, forests are the home of many species, both aquatic and terrestrial. Therefore, extensive forest destruction shall put a lot of wildlife at the verge of extinction.
For those reasons, government and the owners of those logging companies should prevent these problems. First of all, lawmakers need to restrict the laws governing deforestation, applying quotation to any organization who wants to cut down trees. Furthermore, governments should specify and build reservation areas where no deforestation is allowed. Moreover, they can encourage the citizens to plant more trees and in the cities and also in the countryside by holding National Green day or other similar events.
Finally, in a microscope level, individuals can take part in easing the effects resulting from deforestation by protecting the surrounding environment and biodiversity. Some possible actions are stopping littering, switching from using plastic products to eco-friendly material ones. The most important point is to raise people's awareness about the loss of forests and other relating issues.
In conclusion, deforestation, whether for national development or personal benefit, is not without untold harm to nature. Thus, it is necessary that mankind join hand to defend for a healthy environment."

Thank you in advance.

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Fouryz
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Joined: 05 Mar 2012
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Location: Viet Nam

Re: The problems of deforestation and how to solve them. #2 (permalink) Wed Oct 11, 2017 21:28 pm   Re: The problems of deforestation and how to solve them.
 

Hi Fouryz, your writing as usual is quite good, but this essay did not seem to be as on target as some of your others. The prompt says only "what can be done to solve deforestation",
but you spend the whole first paragraph talking about why it is a problem.
The prompt already stated it is a problem, so you do not have to repeat that past the introduction. Stick to what the prompt is asking. Your second body paragraph is better,
but since you are covering so much in one paragraph you have not gone into detail as much as you should have. And then your final body paragraph has suggestions which do not really address deforestation at all. Your writing skill is so good I am sure you will get a good score on your essays, as long as you make sure to correctly and directly address the prompt.

Fouryz wrote:
Here is my topic this time,
"Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?"

This is my answer,
"From a simple chair to a luxury bench,{benches are not really luxurious - I am having trouble picturing one. Try "sofa", or "settee"} almost every product people use in their daily life comes from woods.{"comes from woods" sounds like you are saying it is grown in the woods - I know what you mean but furniture is not grown in the woods - try "... life is made from wood"} Logging seems to be a crucial activity in many countries' [economies]. However, by deforestation, humans are damaging the Earth as well as all species living on it, including themselves. Thus, serious actions must be taken to confront this critical problem.
Global warming is happening everywhere, which is a sub-consequence {I don't think this is a word - just use consequence, or more accurately "partially a consequence of"} of the deterioration of many forests, from [the] Amazon in South America to tropical [forests] in Asia. Without trees, the air cannot be filtered, hence keeping carbon dioxide [released] from industrial plants and factories airborne, leading to the harmful increase in the global heat. This event will fasten[hasten] the climate change, thereby triggering an array of disasters, such as floods, drought, acid rain, etc.{avoid using abbreviation in formal essays - you can say "and so on"} Moreover, forests are the home of many species, both aquatic and terrestrial. Therefore, extensive forest destruction shall put a lot of wildlife at the verge of extinction.
For those reasons, government and the owners of those logging companies should prevent these problems. First of all, lawmakers need to restrict the laws governing deforestation, applying quotation {"quotations" is wrong - maybe you mean "quotas on any ..."?} to any organization who wants to cut down trees. Furthermore, governments should specify and build reservation areas where no deforestation is allowed. Moreover, they can encourage the citizens to plant more trees and in the cities and also in the countryside by holding National Green day or other similar events.
Finally, [at] a microscop[ic] level, {hopefully individual effort is slightly bigger than microscopic! But seriously, this connotation seems to diminish the importance of individual effort - a great vocabulary word here is "at a grassroots level"} individuals can take part in easing the effects resulting from deforestation by protecting the surrounding environment and biodiversity. Some possible actions are stopping littering[ and] switching from using plastic products to eco-friendly material ones. {these are good ideas, but I don't see how they affect deforestation at all} The most important point is to raise people's awareness about the loss of forests and other relat[ed] issues.
In conclusion, deforestation, whether for national development or personal benefit, is not without untold harm to nature. Thus, it is necessary that mankind join [hands] to defend {"defend for" is wrong - maybe "strive for" or "work together for"} for a healthy environment.

Thank you in advance.

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Luschen
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Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8541
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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The problems of deforestation and how to solve them. #3 (permalink) Thu Oct 12, 2017 4:14 am   The problems of deforestation and how to solve them.
 

Hi Luschen,

I'm really sorry that I didn't promptly address the topic's requirement this time. The biggest reason was that I didn't have any idea about this topic besides those in the second paragraph.
And I wonder what should I do if next time I have to write about a topic that I don't have much knowledge on? Do you have any advice for me?
_________________
Woaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!
MUuu...oa
Fouryz
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 05 Mar 2012
Posts: 266
Location: Viet Nam

The problems of deforestation and how to solve them. #4 (permalink) Thu Oct 12, 2017 15:32 pm   The problems of deforestation and how to solve them.
 

Hi Fouryz, you don't need to apologize to me! Although I am glad you agree with me :) Looking at your second body paragraph, I think there are enough ideas there to write an entire essay. As you probably know, a good format for TOEFL body paragraphs is:
Topic sentence giving reason
Explanation of reason
Example displaying reason
Summary sentence tying example back to reason

So for your essay above working from the three reasons you give you could have

Body 1
Quotas should be set on logging companies
If the amount of existing trees allowed to be cut down is limited, companies will have to change their practices by planting trees for future use
In my state, after quotas were enacted, a company was forced to start growing their trees on tree farms and now they actually plant 3 new trees for every tree they cut down
This shows how limiting logging can reverse deforestation

Body 2
Government should establish forest preserves where logging is prohibited
By setting aside certain areas, particularly old-growth forests, the most important trees and the animals that depend on them can be saved
We went on a trip last summer to a national forest near my city. It was great to see the huge trees and we even saw a deer.
This shows that by being proactive, the government can preserve the key wooded areas.

Body 3
Establishing national Green Days or other celebrations can encourage citizens to plant trees
When citizens get involved in planting trees, they may also be inspired to protect current forests as well
Our town started a yearly Arbor Day festival where people get together and plant trees on public areas. Last year during the festival, there was a demonstration to protest cutting down trees in a pristine forest near our city. Because of the protest, the city council ended up purchasing this forest, turning it into a park and preserving the trees.
This example shows how planting trees can help people become more concerned about the environment and save valuable trees.

See, I think you have great ideas - you just have to be a little creative in coming up with examples to match. Of course none of these examples are completely true, but I know you are just as creative as I am and I bet you can tailor examples to fit almost any prompt. So it is not really about the knowledge, it is more about the imagination.
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8541
Location: Nashville TN, USA

The problems of deforestation and how to solve them. #5 (permalink) Sun Oct 15, 2017 3:41 am   The problems of deforestation and how to solve them.
 

OMG! Thanks a lot, Luschen!
_________________
Woaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!
MUuu...oa
Fouryz
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 05 Mar 2012
Posts: 266
Location: Viet Nam

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