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People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing



 
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People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing #1 (permalink) Sun Oct 29, 2017 14:47 pm   People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing
 

Would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? Thank you very much.

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

There has been a heated debate concerning the necessity of spending times on doing things that they do not fond of doing. In fact, there is a growing sentiment that put more emphasis on the importance of enjoying doing any activities that you are really love. At the same time, there is a solid body of opinion that dislike the opposite side from the statement that they think is true. In my opinion, I concur with the former for two primary reasons.

First of all, from time to time we all do something we do not want and life forces us for these actions. For example, without doing exercises it is impossible to have a great and healthy body but it is up to everyone, lie on a sofa or go to the gym. Also person`s character plays significant role, and it depends on it. Why some achieve high results and others not? As a rule reaching great results may face you with many obstacles on the way but, eventually, persistent work will increase your skills, and raise you on the top. Nevertheless, the way to the success might be challenging, though not very enjoyable.

Secondly, we should do all things to become aware of the real result. Sometimes we preconceive things without any information or experience. We are not able to understand the real quality of things if we do not try them. For instance, without tasting the flavor of honey you cannot announce that it is tasteful or revolting. If you try some activities, it could lead to have some new interests for you.

On the other hand, some may argue that the two above reasons are not persuasive enough to demonstrate the statement, providing evidence that people easily get bored with the things which they would not love to do, always groan and it makes the other people feel a little bit annoying. However, we cannot reach the conclusion that the other sides are also wrong without considering concrete examples.

In conclusion, there are a lot of people with different characters and opinions. Doubtless, it is up to everyone to do something enjoyable or not. However, we have to struggle to show who we are, and what are we made of.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a history class
Quang1997
You can meet me at english-test.net


Joined: 09 Jun 2014
Posts: 66

Re: People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing #2 (permalink) Tue Oct 31, 2017 15:40 pm   Re: People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing
 

Hi, I guess this is Quang's sister? I thought your introduction was pretty confusing,
especially your thesis statement. It is critical for your thesis statement to be very clear and to answer the prompt explicitly, because it sets the tone for your whole essay.
From your thesis, I thought you were going to argue that we should only do what we love, but you ended up taking the opposite viewpoint. Your body paragraphs were better.
Your first body paragraph was really good, with one specific example,
though an additional example with details about distasteful work leading to success would have been good. Your second body paragraph wasn't bad either,
though your topic sentence was a little confusing. I didn't really like your third body paragraph though - see my comments below.

Quang1997 wrote:
Would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? Thank you very much.

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

There has been a heated debate concerning the necessity of spending [time] doing things that they [are] not fond of doing. In fact, there is a growing sentiment that [puts] more emphasis on the importance of enjoying doing any activities that you are really love. At the same time, there is a solid body of opinion that [dislikes] the opposite side from the statement that they think is true. {this sentence is very confusing} In my opinion, I concur with the former for two primary reasons. {which one is the former? I would explicitly state your opinion in the thesis - "In my opinion I concur that people should only do what they love." - notice that your restatement of the prompt is not really correct. You can still do what you love and also occasionally do things that you don't enjoy. If you disagree, you would have to say people should never do things they don't enjoy, they should only do what they like to do - so no more doing dishes or cleaning the toilet! ;) }

First of all, from time to time we all do something we do not want and life forces us [to perform] for these actions. For example, without doing exercises it is impossible to have a great and healthy body[,] but it is up to everyone [the make the decision:] lie on a sofa or go to the gym. Also[, a ] person`s character plays [a] significant role, and it depends on it. {what are the two "it"s here? A little confusing} Why [do] some achieve high results and others [do] not? As a rule[,] reaching great results may face[present] you with {you face the obstacles or you are faced with obstacles} many obstacles on the way but, eventually, persistent work will increase your skills, and raise you [to] the top. Nevertheless, the way to [this] success might be challenging, though not very enjoyable.

Secondly, we should do all things to become aware of the real result. {this sentence is not very clear to me} Sometimes we preconceive things without any information or experience. We are not able to understand the real quality of things if we do not try them. For instance, without tasting the flavor of honey you cannot announce that it is tast[y] {or "delicious" tasteful means it is fashionable or cultured} or revolting. If you try some activities, it could lead to [having] some new interests for you.

On the other hand, some may argue that the two above reasons are not persuasive enough to demonstrate the statement, providing evidence that people easily get bored with the things which they would not love to do, always groan and [make] the other people feel a little bit [annoyed]. However, we cannot reach the conclusion that the other [side is] wrong without considering concrete examples. {It is ok to bring up a possible rebuttal, but you have to do a better job of addressing and disproving it. Here you are saying "some may disagree, but they cannot provide any real examples" - that is not a very effective response .

In conclusion, there are a lot of people with different characters {I am not sure what "character" has to do here} and opinions. Doubtless, it is up to everyone [whether] to do something enjoyable or not. However, we have to struggle to show who we are, and what are we made of.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a history class
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8541
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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