#2 (permalink) Tue Oct 31, 2017 19:42 pm Re: How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? |
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Hi Mahdi, I thought this was one of your better essays as far as content is concerned. Your soccer team example was especially good. You still have a few grammar errors though and some awkward sounding phrases.
Mahdi wrote: | How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. Nowadays people tend to watch television more than [ever] before and watching so much time television {or "spending so much time watching television"} has made some of them couch potato[es]. [However, t]elevision has had other [positive] impacts such as [instilling] sense of unity in a country and increasing awareness about different aspects of society. To begin with, [in] my opinion, [people] tend to spend [immense amounts of time] in front of television[s ] watching various programs such as news, movies and series[,] more [so] than the past. I think that housewives who spend a big fraction of their time inside home like to pursue[follow] {"pursue" doesn't work as a synonym in this context} different series. Therefore they have less physical activities and this is a cause which will make them overweight. {this sounds a little unnatural - maybe "and this will cause them to become overweight"} In my view, if a person [watches] television more than two hours a day, It may have negative effects for his health condition. In [contrast], {you are now talking about a benefit, so you have to use a contrasting transition like "on the other hand"} [television has] brought [a ]sense of unity to countries. Consider the situation [in which] a countr[y's] soccer team has an important contest and lots of people hurry up to arrive home and watch the play.{"watch them play" or "watch the game"} All of them {maybe "The entire country" is more specific here} will become joyful if their team [wins] and will become sad and desperate if their team [loses]. So, they all have same sense about the event and I feel that this will improve [the] sense of understanding between different members of a society. Finally, I think that nowadays people have more information about events which take place around them due to the fact that they like to watch television news. My own experience demonstrates the concept very well. My mother is [seventy-six] years old and she lives alone. I visit her twice or three times a week. She is always talking about [the] political conditions of our country because she watches television news [every day]. If television [had not been] invented, I think that people would not have known much about these issues[,] especially older ones. {it sounds like you mean older issues - maybe say "especially senior citizens"} To sum up , I feel that television has had a great impact on our lives in [many] different aspects[, some of] which I mentioned some of them in [this] essay.
TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a physical science class |
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Luschen I'm a Communicator ;-)

Joined: 08 Apr 2011 Posts: 8541 Location: Nashville TN, USA
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