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big cities or small towns ?



 
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big cities or small towns ? #1 (permalink) Tue Oct 31, 2017 15:36 pm   big cities or small towns ?
 

Sometimes it is said that living in a big city have lots of advantages such as accessing to diverse educational complexes as well as complicated health care systems like large hospitals and clinics. Although this might hold some truth, it ignores the peace and quiet conditions of a small city. I will try to examine below the specific reasons for choosing a small city as a better place to live according to which I feel are the most common viewpoints nowadays.
First let us take a look at what people in large cities do from morning to night. They work hard to get money and become elated, having said that, most of them are unsatisfied about their lives conditions. In my opinion, although, people come to big cities in order to build a better life for themselves as well as for their offspring, they may not know that life satisfaction in small rural locations are more than large urban areas. They may not know in order for a person to enjoy from his life, it is not always required to have lots of money.
The second reason is that traffic and air pollutions tend to become the most prominent problems in the cities. It is strongly believed that these problems have lots of both mental and physical side effects on our body. For instance, nowadays lots of people have heart diseases due to the fact that the air which we breathe contains a big volume of carbon dioxide.
Apart from the points that I made above natural places in rural locations tend to be more than cities. Although there are pretty parks in the cities, most people have to spend so much time to get to the park not to mention that these days parks are full of addicted teenagers and youths.
Finally, relationship between people in small towns and rural locations are warm, in contrast, people tend to have a cold relationship with their friends and even with their families in large urban areas due to the fact that they do not have enough time to visit each other.
Last but not least people with different cultures tend to immigrate to large cities and this is something that has ruined theirs unity. That big cities are not a quiet and peaceful place to live is beyond doubt. If I had this chance to come back to my town, I would not hesitate about it.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor explain the history of coffee?
Mahdi
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Re: big cities or small towns ? #2 (permalink) Wed Nov 01, 2017 14:18 pm   Re: big cities or small towns ?
 

Hi Mahdi, I don't think this format is very effective. You have too many reasons,
so there is not enough space for any of your reasons to really be fully developed.
It ends up reading more like a list of bullet points. I think it is best to stick to three reasons at the most so you can fully discuss each reason. You also have both a "finally" and a "last but not least" - you can really only use one of these in your essay, to introduce your final reason. Also,
you don't really have a true conclusion. Your last paragraph introduces another reason,
so it is not functioning as a conclusion. You really just have a one sentence conclusion, tagged on at the end. Your writing is pretty clear in this one, though you still have some errors in usage and vocabulary.

Mahdi wrote:
Sometimes it is said that living in a big city have lots of advantages such as [access] to diverse educational complexes {"complexes" is not really correct - maybe "institutions" or "facilities"} as well as complicated {"complicated" has a negative connotation, so it is not a good word to use here - try "comprehensive"} health care systems like large hospitals and clinics. Although this might hold some truth, it ignores the peace and quiet conditions of a small [town] city.{or "village" or "hamlet"} I will try to examine below the specific reasons for choosing a small city as a better place to live according to which I feel are the most common viewpoints nowadays. {I don't think this thesis sentence is very powerful - try a more direct statement}
First let us take a look at what people in large cities do from morning to night. {this is not a very good topic sentence. it is better for your topic sentence to state a reason supporting your thesis and answering the prompt} They work hard to get money and become elated.{"elated" sounds pretty odd in this context} [H]aving {this was a comma splice run-on sentence. So just start a new sentence} said that, most of them are unsatisfied about their lives['] conditions. In my opinion, although,{no comma after although} people come to big cities in order to build a better life for themselves as well as for their offspring, they may not know that life satisfaction in small rural locations [is greater] than [in] large urban areas. They may not know [that] in order for a person to enjoy from his life, it is not always required to have lots of money.
The second reason is that traffic and air [pollution] tend to become the most prominent problems in the cities. It is strongly believed that these problems have lots of both mental and physical side effects on our [bodies]. For instance, nowadays lots of people have heart diseases due to the fact that the air which we breathe contains a big volume of carbon dioxide. {I don't think heart disease is caused by excessive carbon dioxide. And it is still a very small amount - it has increased from 300 parts per million to 400 parts per million - the chemicals like sulfur dioxide e are what causes heart disease}
Apart from the points that I made above[,] natural places in rural locations tend to be more [plentiful] {or "accessible", which is what the rest of your paragraph implies} than [in] cities. Although there are pretty parks in the cities, most people have to spend so much time to get to the park, not to mention that these days parks are full of addicted teenagers and youths.
Finally, [relationships] between people in small towns and rural locations are warm. [In] contrast, people tend to have a cold relationship with their friends and even with their families in large urban areas due to the fact that they do not have enough time to visit each other.
Last but not least[,] people with different cultures tend to immigrate to large cities and this is something that has ruined [their] unity. That big cities are not a quiet and peaceful [places] to live is beyond doubt. If I had this chance to come back to my town, I would not hesitate about it.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor explain the history of coffee?
Luschen
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