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Job #1 (permalink) Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:20 am   Job
 

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Sometimes young people expect that find a job with high salary and do not satisfy with an ordinary job which is secure. Personally, though, I strongly believe that a secure job is the best one due to the fact that a secure job brings quiet. Moreover nowadays finding a high salary job is difficult and concern about losing a job have negative effects on other aspect of our lives.

To begin with, as societies develop, finding a job becomes a profound problem for lots of people, because technology has been bringing new devices which do our jobs. So, having a secure job is an opportunity. Consider an automated car factory in which automated machines produce cars. These machines are more precise than workers and the do not become tired. Therefore, factories need less workers, acquiring lots of benefits using automated methods for producing their products. In the past municipals offices employed lots of workers to wash streets. On the other hand, nowadays machines do this automatically.

Apart from the point that I mentioned above, secure jobs brings quiet and calm. When one has a secure job, he is not concerned about losing his job even though his salary is not so high. He can manage her salary to take some vocations during a year to other parts of his country and he can also organize a trip abroad. He can spend all of his money to his trips due to the fact that he does not have to concern about the future.
Finally, a person who does not have a secure job has lots of problems, thinking about his future even though his salary is high. These concerns affect other aspects of his life. He may become angry and have a collision with his family as well as his neighbors. He may not concentrate perfectly on doing his job.
To sum up, I definitely agree with this idea that having a secure job is better than waiting to find a better one, hoping for the future. It has lots of advantages some of which I mentioned in this essay.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which fact is true of Edward O. Wilson?
Mahdi
You can meet me at english-test.net


Joined: 29 Oct 2006
Posts: 84
Location: IRAN

Re: Job #2 (permalink) Tue Nov 14, 2017 16:03 pm   Re: Job
 

Hi Mahdi, I thought this essay was pretty good. Watch out though, the prompt does not say anything about a high salary job. It talks about a "satisfying" job. So that would be something that you really enjoy doing, not something that pays a lot of money.
You refer to high salary jobs quite a bit, so the grader may think that you did not understand the prompt fully and lower your score. Your writing is clear for the most part,
though you do have a couple confusing phrases and some incorrect usage.

Mahdi wrote:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Sometimes young people expect that [to] find a job with high salary and [are not satisfied] with an ordinary job [that] is secure. Personally, though, I strongly believe that a secure [dependable] job is the best one due to the fact that a [reliable] job brings [peace]. Moreover nowadays finding a high salary job is difficult and concern about losing a job [has] negative effects on other aspect of our lives.

To begin with, as societies develop, finding a job becomes a profound problem for lots of people, because technology has been bringing new devices which do our jobs. So, having a secure job is an opportunity. Consider an automated car factory in which automated machines produce cars. These machines are more precise than workers and [they] do not become tired. Therefore, factories need [fewer] workers, acquiring lots of benefits using automated methods for producing their products. {it sounds a little like the workers are acquiring benefits - maybe just say "fewer workers, as the automated machinery is able to accomplish more and more of the tasks, doing them both faster and cheaper"} [Furthermore,] In the past[,] [municipal] offices employed lots of workers to wash streets. On the other hand, nowadays machines do this automatically.

Apart from the point that I mentioned above, secure jobs [bring] quiet and calm. When one has a secure job, he is not concerned about losing his job even though his salary is not so high. He can manage [his] salary to take some [vacations] during [the] year to other parts of his country and he can also organize a trip abroad. He can spend all of his money to[on] his trips due to the fact that he does not have to [be concerned] about the future.
Finally, a person who does not have a secure job has lots of problems, thinking about his future even though his salary is high. {this second phrase is confusing to me - what do you mean?} These concerns affect other aspects of his life. He may become angry and have a collision {"collision" is incorrect here - maybe "not get along with" or "be at odds with" or "constantly fight with"} with his family as well as his neighbors. He may not [be able to] concentrate perfectly on doing his job.
To sum up, I definitely agree with this idea that having a secure job is better than waiting to find a better one, hoping for the future. {I think the second phrase needs to be more specific - "a better one, hoping the future will bring an ideal opportunity." }It has lots of advantages[,] some of which I mentioned in this essay. {this is not the best ending sentence - maybe a call to action is better. "It is fun to dream about the perfect job, but in the real world, I recommend settling for a safe and secure one." }

TOEFL listening lectures: Which fact is true of Edward O. Wilson?
Luschen
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Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8541
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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