Google
English-Test.net
Find penpals and make new friends today!
 
to estrange; to isolate; to requisition; to confiscate
entreat
temporize
forbear
alienate
full quiz correct answer
 
Username
Password
 Remember me? 
Search   Album   FAQ   Memberlist   Profile   Private messages   Register   Log in 

a piece of Jewelry or tickets of a concert ?



 
TOEFL Practice tests Increase your TOEFL test score with
120 Vocabulary + 100 Grammar tests
600 TOEFL flashcards plus an ESL book
ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFLŪ Test and essay samples collection
Newspapers will remain the most important source of news | Internet
listening exercises
Message
Author
a piece of Jewelry or tickets of a concert ? #1 (permalink) Sat Nov 18, 2017 19:46 pm   a piece of Jewelry or tickets of a concert ?
 

You have received a gift of money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets of a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy? Use specific details and reasons to support your answer.

Some people prefer to save their money. Some of them put their money in their saving accounts and some others buy pieces of some juwelleries like golden bracelets, earings, rings or shackles. Sometimes it is said that we have to save our money because we will need them in the future. Although this observation might hold some truth, it ignores the fact that one can not always enjoy his money. we may would not have enough time in the future to go to the concerts or theaters.

To begin with, I feel that I will not have enough time to go to the concerts and theaters in the future. My wife and I do not have any offspring yet. We may give birth to a baby in the future. We should care about them all the time and after they will start to go to the school, they will study all the time and we can not leave them alone going to concert halls. Therefore, I feel that we should enjoy our money now.

Apart from the reason that I mentioned above, I am a man and in our country's culture men do not wear golden jewelleries. My wife is also is of the opinion that we should expense our money to take vacations and trips and going concerts and plays. In our city there are big concert halls and theaters. Lots of plays come to theaters and famous musicians come to concert halls every month. So we think that we should not miss them.

Finally, people buy jwelleries to pretend that they are well-to-do. Some of them think that they save their money , buying jwelleries due to the fact that they may have lots of expenses in the future. I think that we can spend a little money for buying insurances such as health insurance, life insurance and vehicle insurance. we can also buy a fire insurance for our home. It is not so expensive and we can spent a big fraction of our money to our amusments and have a memorable recreational times.

To sum up, I think that all people will have some expenses in the future.To that end, we can find some solutions to them such as buying different insurances which are not so expensive. Future will take place in the future and our concerns cannot solve our furture's problems. We may do not have enough time to enjoy our lives or may sustain serious illnesses in the future, therefore we should enjoy our money now.

TOEFL listening lectures: When was Angkor Wat constructed?
Mahdi
You can meet me at english-test.net


Joined: 29 Oct 2006
Posts: 84
Location: IRAN

Re: a piece of Jewelry or tickets of a concert ? #2 (permalink) Sun Nov 19, 2017 23:37 pm   Re: a piece of Jewelry or tickets of a concert ?
 

Hi Mahdi, I don't feel like you quite captured the spirit of this prompt. To me this seems like a very personal question, would you rather have a piece of jewelry or go to a concert?
But you have sort of applied it to everyone in general and made it less personal.
The prompt is not asking what is best for everybody or for society, just what is best for you. This problem is mainly in your introduction, but it continues somewhat in your body paragraphs. Plus you sort of equate buying jewelry with saving for the future,
which I don't know is that accurate, or at least you have not convinced me that they are equivalent. Your first body paragraph is probably the best, but you run into trouble with your tenses and sentence structure when you talk about future events.
In your next two body paragraphs, your topic sentences don't really match the rest of the paragraph at all. Remember, your first sentence should give a reason supporting your thesis and the rest of the paragraph explains that reason. To me, a big reason supporting your thesis would be that experiences are more important than possessions, but you did not really mention anything like that at all, which seems surprising to me. One big point is that "jewelry" is uncountable singular, so that made a lot of your sentences sound pretty unnatural. Here are some other specific suggestions.

Mahdi wrote:
You have received a gift of money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets of a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy? Use specific details and reasons to support your answer.

Some people prefer to save their money. Some of them put their money in their saving accounts and some others buy pieces of some juwelleries [jewelry] like golden bracelets, [earrings], rings or shackles.{"shackles" is incorrect here} {this is an abrupt transition - you need some sort of phrase to help the reader realize this is a contrast} Sometimes it is said that we have to save our money because we will need them[it] in the future. Although this observation might hold some truth, it ignores the fact that one can not always enjoy his money. [We] may would not have enough time in the future to go to the concerts or theaters. {this thesis is not as clear as it should be - somewhere you need to say you would take the concert tickets over the jewelry.}

To begin with, I feel that I will not have enough time to go to the concerts and theaters in the future. My wife and I do not have any offspring yet. We may give birth to a baby in the future. We should {"must" is better here} care about {I think "must take care of them" is what you mean} them {you switched from singular "baby" to plural "them" - I would say "babies" and keep this part plural} all the time and after they will start to go to the school, they will study all the time and we [will] not [be able to] leave them alone [while we go] going to concert halls. Therefore, I feel that we should enjoy our money now. {yes, but you did not mention jewelry at all - why is buying jewelry not enjoying your money now?}

Apart from the reason that I mentioned above, I am a man and in our country's culture men do not wear golden [jewelry] jewelleries. My wife is also is of the opinion that we should [spend] expense our money to take vacations and trips {"vacations" and trips" was not mentioned in the prompt and is not an option} and going [go to] concerts and plays. In our city there are big concert halls and theaters. Lots of plays come to theaters and famous musicians come to concert halls every month. So we think that we should not miss them. {this paragraph is all over the place - you start by saying men don't wear jewelry, but then switch topics completely}

Finally, people buy jwelleries [jewelry] to pretend that they are well-to-do. Some of them think that they save their money , buying jwelleries due to the fact that they may have lots of expenses in the future. {this sentence is unclear - do you mean that people buy jewelry as an investment so they can sell it in the future if necessary?} I think that we can spend a little money for buying [to buy] [types of insurance] such as health insurance, life insurance and vehicle insurance. [We] can also buy a fire insurance for our home. It is not so expensive and we can [spend] a big fraction of our money to [on] our [amusements] and have a memorable recreational times. {"recreational times" sounds pretty odd} {I think you mention jewelry again to make the point clear. Your idea is that it is more efficient to buy insurance rather than using jewelry as a type of insurance, but you need to say this more explicitly}

To sum up, I think that all people will have some expenses in the future.To that end, we can find some solutions to them such as buying different insurances which are not so expensive. Future will take place in the future {this phrase seems a little odd - maybe "the future is yet to come"} and our concerns [today] cannot solve our future's problems. We may do not have enough time to enjoy our lives or may sustain serious illnesses in the future, therefore we should enjoy our money now.

TOEFL listening lectures: When was Angkor Wat constructed?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8541
Location: Nashville TN, USA

TOEFL Prep Tests — Increase your Score with 120 free TOEFL Vocabulary TestsTOEFL Study Guide Guaranteed to Raise TOEFL scores without weeks and months of studying — View the Free ReportTOEFL Test Package — Learn the most difficult TOEFL vocabulary words you need to pass the TOEFL with these vocabulary tests and this unique flash card systemLearn how to explore English words! Subscribe to free email English course
Display posts from previous:   
Newspapers will remain the most important source of news | Internet
ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFLŪ Test and essay samples collection All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Page 1 of 1
Latest topics on TOEFL Test Forums
All young adults have to perform some kind of national serviceFormal examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement.What the main cause of stress in modern life, and how could stress be reduced?Fewer cars in use in twenty yearsto address crime, prison or better education?poor student behaviorWhat are the pros and cons of watching Televison for children?JobResolve the international environmental problems by increasing the cost of fuelMovies and television have negative effect on young peoplewhat are the advantages and disadvantages of using CCTV to fight crime?What are the pros and cons of using public transportation?Teenagers who have jobs

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Get FREE English course via e-mail