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Internet #1 (permalink) Mon Nov 20, 2017 7:09 am   Internet
 

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with?

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Sometimes it is said that people spend a big fraction of their time on the internet, getting information which they do not need all of them. Although this observation might hold some truth, it ignores the fact that internet made people's lives fast. It also gives high access to the information which they need and it is convenient.

To begin with, using internet people transfer information these days faster than in the past. A student who needs to read a book can easily download lots of books which he needs on the internet and pass his exams. He also will find lots of articles on the internet if he wants to do a research for his class. People also tend to transfer lots of information by email and it takes less than an hour that an email is received. In the past sometimes it took more than a month that an email was received.

Apart from the point that I mentioned above, using internet is convenient. Lots of people have access to internet in their work and can get last news whenever they want. The may choose which news they want to read and read them every day. A housewife who wants to cook a home-made cook can easily find how to make it on the internet at home. She does not need to go to a class to learn it.

Finally, Internet gives us high access to important information which we need and one spend less time to do lots of his work on the internet. Nowadays people have access to internet bank. They can put their money in their account and transfer it to another one's accounts just by pushing some keys. In fact, Internet gives this access to their account. Moreover, a student can easily register for new semester, selecting the course which he wants to pass, without travelling to university.

To sum up, I strongly believe that Internet made lots of our works fast. Nowadays people even have more access to internet via their cell phones and lots of works have been become more convenient. I feel in the future using internet will be even more extended between people.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture by a professor of Fine Arts
Mahdi
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Joined: 29 Oct 2006
Posts: 84
Location: IRAN

Re: Internet #2 (permalink) Tue Nov 21, 2017 16:07 pm   Re: Internet
 

Hi Mahdi, I am not sure that you addressed this prompt the exactly correct way.
It seems like the prompt is asking whether access to so much information is a good or a bad thing. Is it possible to be overwhelmed by too much information, or are people able to control and organize the information they receive? Instead you have sort of written a generic "is the internet good or bad" type essay. When the internet is used as a noun, use "the" before it. Also, you have capitalized Internet in some places and left it lowercase in others. There is an argument over whether the internet should be capitalized: https://blog.oxforddictionaries.com/2016/04/05/should-you-capitalize-internet/ Either way is fine, but you should stay consistent throughout your essay and either always capitalize it or always leave it lower case. Your essay is clear for the most part, although your last sentence is confusing. Your vocabulary is pretty simple though. And your writing sounds a bit choppy - try to use more transition phrases within your paragraphs. Here are some other suggestions:

Mahdi wrote:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with?

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Sometimes it is said {this "sometimes it is said" seems very weak - why not "Looking at the world around us, it is clear that people ..."} that people spend a big fraction of their time on the internet, getting information[, not all of which they need.] which they do not need all of them. Although this observation might hold some truth, it ignores the fact that [the] internet [has] made people's lives fast.{this is a little unclear - fast in what way? They die sooner?} It also gives high[great] {but "easy" might be better} access to the information which they need and it is convenient.

To begin with, [by] using internet[,] people transfer information these days faster than in the past. A student who needs to read a book can easily download lots of books which he needs on the internet and pass his exams. He also will find lots of articles on the internet if he wants to do a research for his class. People also tend to [transmit] lots of information by email and it takes less than an hour [for] an email [to be] received. In the past sometimes it took more than a month [for a standard letter to be] that an email was received.

Apart from the point that I mentioned above, using internet is convenient. Lots of people have access to internet in their work and can get [the latest] news whenever they want. The may choose which news [sources] they want to read and read them every day. A housewife who wants to cook a [homemade] [meal] can easily find how to make it on the internet at home. She does not need to go to a class to learn it.

Finally, Internet gives us [incredible] access to important information which we need and one[spends] less time [by doing] lots of his work on the internet. Nowadays people have access to internet [banking]. They can put their money in their account and transfer it to another [person's] accounts just by pushing some keys. In fact, Internet gives this access to their account. {this sentence is very repetitive - isn't this exactly what you just said?} Moreover, a student can easily register for new semester, selecting the [courses] which he wants to [take] pass,{I guess the student is very confident! ;) } without travelling to university.

To sum up, I strongly believe that Internet [has] made lots of our [work] [faster and easier]. Nowadays people even have more access to internet via their cell phones and lots of [tasks] have been become more [simple]. {"convenient" is not quite right here - it generally means something is nearby where it is used or needs to go - "my apartment is convenient to my workplace" "having a dishwasher in kitchen is very convenient" if you want to use convenient here, maybe something like "Furthermore, now that people have access to the internet via their cell phones, doing formerly tedious tasks online is more convenient than ever." - here the stress is that you don't have do go home or to work to get online, you can do it anywhere} I feel in the future using internet will be even more extended between people. {this last sentence is very unclear to me - what do you mean?}

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture by a professor of Fine Arts
Luschen
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Joined: 08 Apr 2011
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