Google
English-Test.net
Find penpals and make new friends today!
 
opinionated; rigid; authoritative; intolerant
egregious
poignant
dogmatic
benevolent
full quiz correct answer
 
Username
Password
 Remember me? 
Search   Album   FAQ   Memberlist   Profile   Private messages   Register   Log in 

What the main cause of stress in modern life, and how could stress be reduced?



 
TOEFL Practice tests Increase your TOEFL test score with
120 Vocabulary + 100 Grammar tests
600 TOEFL flashcards plus an ESL book
ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and essay samples collection
to address crime, prison or better education? | Formal examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement.
listening exercises
Message
Author
What the main cause of stress in modern life, and how could stress be reduced? #1 (permalink) Thu Nov 30, 2017 5:54 am   What the main cause of stress in modern life, and how could stress be reduced?
 

Hi Luschen,

This is my IELTS essay. Could you please rate it for me? :)
Thank you a lot.

Topic: Although most people are richer than in the past, modern life seems very stressful, and the number of people suffering from stress is at record levels. What are the main cause of stress in modern life, and how could stress be reduced?

In the fast-paced life, more and more people get stressed than ever before. Although there will be undoubtedly some negatives consequences for this trend, societies can take steps to mitigate these potential problem.

One of the main causes for this issue is that people always work long hours with strict deadlines. Many types of jobs nowadays require employees to meet deadlines, therefore leading to working under pressure. For example, Journalists always are encouraged to update important news as soon as possible for readers. In this way, they have to work overtime to commit the deadlines, which are extremely stressful. Addressing this problem involves taking sufficient sleep and prioritizing leisure time, which will help to release anxiety and stress as well.

Another problem is people are working so hard that they have no time for relaxation. It is true that in the developed countries, people spend less time on their family and friends than in the past. As consequence, they will suffer from disease related to mental health or even kill themselves off. Take Japan as an example, Japan is one of the countries with the highest suicide rate in the world due to overworking. A solution is for employers to support workers to reduce workload and take holiday regularly.

Moreover, with the development of technology recently, unemployment pressure is a major cause of stress. Because human workers might lack of skills to adapt to changing working environment. It is shown that unemployment rate has risen considerably due to using modern machines in manufacturing over the last decade. This will bring about depression for working age population who can bear the risk of jobless. To tackle this issue, the government should introduce educational programs to help workforce improve their necessary skills and adapt well to new technology. This will not only significantly relieve workers ’pressure but also decrease their stress levels.

In conclusion, there has been a rise in number of wealthy people suffering from stress due to reasons such as working pressure, lack of time for entertaining and jobless risk. This is a serious problem and unless we handle it, the health of society will suffer. My view is that the main of responsibility for solving this issue lies with employers and government.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from an arts class (2)
Trinhpham0811
New Member


Joined: 10 Nov 2017
Posts: 3

Re: What the main cause of stress in modern life, and how could stress be reduced #2 (permalink) Fri Dec 01, 2017 3:08 am   Re: What the main cause of stress in modern life, and how could stress be reduced
 

Hi Trinh, I thought this one was very good. This is a solid band 7 I think.
I thought your format was very effective - it makes sense to give the solution after each problem. Your writing is clear, but you have some repetition and some minor grammar and usage errors. Each one is not bad, but there are quite a few of them.

Trinhpham0811 wrote:
Hi Luschen,

This is my IELTS essay. Could you please rate it for me? :)
Thank you a lot.

Topic: Although most people are richer than in the past, modern life seems very stressful, and the number of people suffering from stress is at record levels. What are the main cause of stress in modern life, and how could stress be reduced?

In the fast-paced life, more and more people get stressed than ever before. Although there will be undoubtedly [be] some [negative] consequences [of] this trend, societies can take steps to mitigate th[is] potential problem. {I think it would be better to also mention that people have more money than ever before}

One of the main causes [of] this issue is that people always {maybe "people more and more are working ..." to show the increase. And "always" is hard to justify - I am not working long hours! :) } work long hours with strict deadlines. {"due dates" is another synonym here or "target times for completion"} Many types of jobs nowadays require employees to meet deadlines, {maybe "to complete their work as quickly as possible" to avoid repetition} therefore leading to working under pressure. For example, [journalists] always are encouraged to update important news as soon as possible for {I would add "their" here} readers. In this way, they have to work overtime to commit [make] the deadlines, {"meet" or "make" a deadline are pretty much the only options} which [is] extremely stressful. Addressing this problem involves [getting] sufficient sleep and prioritizing leisure time, which will help to release anxiety and stress as well.

Another problem is people are working so hard that they have no time for relaxation. It is true that in the developed countries, people spend less time on their family and friends than in the past. As [a ]consequence, they will suffer from disease related to mental health or [perhaps] even kill themselves off. Take Japan as an example[;] Japan is one of the countries with the highest suicide [rates] in the world due to [overwork]. A solution is for employers to support workers [by reducing] [their workloads] and [ensuring they] take [holidays] regularly.

Moreover, with the development of technology recently, unemployment pressure is a major cause of stress[, b]ecause human workers {so animal workers don't have any problem? ;) } might lack of skills to adapt to [the] changing [work] environment. It is shown that [the] unemployment rate has risen considerably due to [the increasing use of] modern machines in manufacturing over the last decade. This will bring about depression for [the] working age population who can bear the risk of [becoming] jobless. {or "bear the risk of joblessness"} To tackle this issue, the government should introduce educational programs to help [the] workforce improve their necessary skills and adapt well to new technology. This will not only significantly relieve workers' pressure but also decrease their stress levels.

In conclusion, there has been a rise in number of wealthy people {you did mention it here, so that is good} suffering from stress due to reasons such as working pressure, lack of time for entertaining and [unemployment] risk. This is a serious problem and unless we handle it, the health of society will suffer. My view is that the main of responsibility for solving this issue lies with employers and government.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from an arts class (2)
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8541
Location: Nashville TN, USA

TOEFL Prep Tests — Increase your Score with 120 free TOEFL Vocabulary TestsTOEFL Study Guide Guaranteed to Raise TOEFL scores without weeks and months of studying — View the Free ReportTOEFL Test Package — Learn the most difficult TOEFL vocabulary words you need to pass the TOEFL with these vocabulary tests and this unique flash card systemHere is all you want to know about English! Click to subscribe to free email English course
Display posts from previous:   
to address crime, prison or better education? | Formal examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement.
ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and essay samples collection All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Page 1 of 1
Latest topics on TOEFL Test Forums
All young adults have to perform some kind of national serviceFewer cars in use in twenty yearspoor student behaviorInterneta piece of Jewelry or tickets of a concert ?Newspapers will remain the most important source of newsWhat are the pros and cons of watching Televison for children?JobResolve the international environmental problems by increasing the cost of fuelMovies and television have negative effect on young peopleTOEFL® Sentence CompletionIs PBT an easier or harder than CBT?Which exam is easier -- PBT or CBT?

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Get FREE English course via e-mail