| #1 (permalink) Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:13 am The Vase. Part 3.
|"So, now what are we going to do,"I asked.
"well," said my wife in her most authoritative voice, "We need to see what starts the money coming. We apparently have to insult each other to get paid."
"But I love you, I don't want to insult you," I protested.
Immediately two more coins disappeared.
You bloody idiot, now look what's happened," stormed my wife, and a five-pound note floated into the vase.
We both laughed out loud at this and the fiver disappeared once more!
This was really disconcerting. We must avoid laughing at all costs, but at the same time we didn't want to hurt each others feelings.
My wife put her finger to her lips indicating that we were not to talk.
She waved me outside to the garden and we sat on our garden bench.
"Well, it appears that we have to avoid laughing or being nice to each other, and by insulting each other we will earn lots of money.
Maybe if we were to write down nasty things then we could just trot them out, you know, like lines in a play.
You insult me and I insult you back."
"That's a good idea," I agreed. "But don't forget that we have to earn two hundred pounds a day otherwise there will be consequences," I added.
"What consequences are those?" asked my wife.
"I don't know, but we will surely find out pretty soon if we don't earn today's two-hundred pounds."
"OK, let's start jotting down hurtful insults and we'll see just what pays the largest amounts," laughed my wife.
She went into the house and returned with two pens and two notebooks.
We both started to furiously scribble down insults to be flung at each other.
This wasn't as easy as we'd thought it was going to be.
We soon ran out of everyday insults, and our remarks were beginning to become more caustic by the page.
"Look, I don't really want to say all of these nasty things to you, but we do need the money that saying them will bring.
When we do say them just remember we are only play-acting, OK?," I said.
"Of course," said my wife. "I wouldn't dream of saying half of the things I've written here."
Back into the house we went, and placing the vase in the centre of the table, we started to call each other names.
At first we started getting a series of two-pound coins and all was going well, but suddenly the two-pounds became one pound. Obviously our remarks were a little too tame for our money-machine.
I started to add a few swear words to the mix and the two-pound coins started to rain down into the vase. My wife too added a few choice swear words, but hers were rewarded with five and ten pound notes.
Suddenly my wife again raised her finger to her lips.
She lifted the vase and poured the contents into her handbag.
She put down the vase again, and motioned me once more into the garden.
Once there she emptied the contents of her hand-bag onto the grass, and we both counted the money.There was well in excess of two-hundred pounds, and we both smiled.
"Well, that's today's work finished," she smiled.
"Aye, but now we have to be very careful whatever we say.
Nothing nice, or else we could lose some of it," I warned.
"We couldn't lose it if we were to put it into the bank," said my wife.
"Brilliant," I gasped. I dashed into the house and grabbed the car keys.
My wife handed me her handbag and I drove to the bank and deposited the cash.
If it disappeared now, then it would be the banks loss, not ours.
The Vase. Part One.
The Vase. Part 4.
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)